It Aint Over Til It's Over
by Zosie aka Kizmet The Khaleesi
Summary: Seven years after their divorce, Bella and Edward meet again and unresolved issues present themselves. Will they achieve closure, or was their love really the permanent kind? There's only one way to find out.(Ignore early reviews, Ed and Bel are on an even playing field, Ed is not a manwhore. It just reads that way at first because Bella makes assumptions.)
1. Chapter 1

**Hiya, hope you all had a great Christmas. Hope you like my latest offering, feel free to let me know. Cheers. (No schedule for updates, will try to do so weekly if it's popular.) xxx**

Chapter One

BPOV

"This is insane," I repeated as Rosalie Hale did her magic on my too long for my age brown hair. "I'm thirty five years old, not a teenager. I could adopt this guy and feel more comfortable than I do going on a date with him. I must be crazy letting you talk me into this."

Rose glared at me, and paused to refill my glass yet again. I guess she knew by now I was much more amenable to her outrageous ideas when I was well on the way to being plastered.

"The world's a crazy place. Sit still, please or you will end up looking like a middle aged Shirley Temple. Hand me that straightener."

I sipped my vodka and cranberry and sulkily complied.

"My point exactly, Rose. Middle aged. And this Jacob Black is what? Twelve? Don't you think he will feel like he's dating his babysitter?"

Rose laughed.

"He is twenty five years old chronologically but he is very mature for his age. He's an artist, Bella, age means nothing to them. Not to forget, he's rich and famous. You could do a lot worse. Oh wait, you already have."

"Rose, be nice."

It's fair to say my best friend has unresolved issues with my ex-husband.

"Jake fancies you, that's the main thing. Name one other male who is eager to wine and dine you and I will call the whole date off."

She had me there. Men wanting to interact with me in any way at all were pretty sparse these days.

"But it just feels..." I couldn't quite grasp the right word to describe my feelings.

"Oh for Heavens sake. You have to attend this dinner dance, correct?"

"You know I do," I moaned. "If there was any way out of attending, I wouldn't be here having you rip half the hair out of my scalp. I should have let Alice cut my hair short like normal women my age have their hair these days. I don't know why I give in to your bullying tactics. Look where it got me..dating a kid barely out of Junior High ."

"Oh get over it. Renee has always like her men young and fit, take a leaf out of her book."

"I guess there is that. If Jake and I don't hit it off, imagine that, I could always hand him over to my mother. She is between boyfriends at the moment."

"Don't think she'd have any issues with his age. Once she got a look at his hot body you would have to pry her off him with a crowbar."

I shuddered at the thought. Bad enough I was dating a twenty-something. I really did not want any images in my head of my Mom walking around with this 'hot young guy' Rose had arranged as my blind date.

"Anyway, with a bit of luck you two will get photographed and Edward will see the picture in the society pages and kill himself when he sees you are managing to survive without him."

"You still don't like Edward, do you?" I laughed. "You don't even try to hide how happy you are that he is no longer part of my life." Not that it was funny.

My life was a tragedy, really.

Edward Cullen and I dated in High School for two years and back then, I guess we were young with stars in our eyes and no concept of what it was like out there in the real world.

We soon found out when our love affair led to a hastily arranged marriage five minutes after we graduated, and the birth of our baby daughter just six months later. You want to know the recipe for disaster?

We found it.

Two kids at the ripe old age of seventeen, struggling to keep their romance alive with a screaming infant in the next bedroom. The odds had been stacked against us from the start but we had tried.

Tried and failed.

"So, have you heard from Scarlett lately?" Rose inquired as she tried to asphyxiate me with hair spray.

"Sure. She is saving up to buy her first car so naturally she called," I replied, jaded. " She knows there will be no pocket money from her parents unless she plays nice and keeps in touch every week. This is Carlisle's idea of 'tough love'. Scarlett has to save ten per cent of the cost then he will put in the other ninety per cent."

Rose raised her eyebrows.

To say our daughter seemed happy living with Edward's parents was a gross understatement.. Carlisle and Esme were handing Scarlett everything on a plate. She only had to bat her eyelids at her grandfather and whatever she wanted was hers.

That may sound like the ideal way to be raised but Edward had been somewhat spoiled in his teen years and it had not worked out for the best when suddenly he was hit with the responsibility of a wife and child.

Both sets of parents had pushed for the 'easier solution', and even though now I can see they just thought it was the best 'quick fix" for us, Edward had reacted badly. He wanted his child to be born. He didn't need them or their money.

He had no idea what it was like, being a working man on minimum wage.

He had wanted to prove he was responsible and mature, and had insisted we make a go of it alone, with no parental help, so we'd struggled along practically penniless for ten years before The End, when it all just became too hard. By that point any love between us was long smothered by the harsh realities of life. We had both worked at dead end jobs but being unable to afford childcare, we had to do shift work so one of us was always at home with Scarlett.

Scraping by together might sound romantic to the young and naive but it sucks big time when you are never sure you will even have next weeks rent. Life was all about stretching every dollar as far as possible. Shopping for groceries just before the store closed for the weekend so we could get our perishables cheaper. Going without and making do. There was never any money for luxuries or outings, let alone vacations away somewhere nice to break the monotony, and anyway, we had to be on hand in case one of us was called in for an extra shift.

Extra shifts meant extra dollars.

Extra dollars meant our daughter could have the cheap copies of the toys and clothes other kids had.

Even if we were both in the house at the same time, there was no romance left. Constant exhaustion was all we shared in common. All we looked for in bed was sleep. It had been inevitable that the gulf between us would just widen year by year.

Then Esme suggested Scarlett go stay with them for a while so Edward and I could concentrate on saving the dregs of our marriage and guess what? She loved it.

Loved the big fancy house with the stables outside. Loved the swimming pools; yes, I did say pools. One outside, one heated to a comfortable temperature inside in it's own cavernous room beside one's gym. One cannot give up one's daily swim in Winter just because it's snowing. Before she had only visited, and even then she'd had to be dragged home screaming and kicking to be taken away from such luxurious surroundings.

School vacations with her grandparents had only fueled the fire. It had been like staying at a luxury resort, then back to the little one bed apartment we called home, situated above the local post office in town.

Scarlett had the bedroom, while we slept on the pullout in the kitchen/dining/loungeroom. The only other room was the bathroom/laundry.

Once Edward and I had called it a day and found our own spaces, there was no way Scarlett even wanted to live in the pretty little guest house in the Cullen's yard that they had built in the hope their son would see sense and take us there to live right from the beginning of our life together. It was ironic to me that Edward had decided it was suddenly okay to live there, once it was too late to save us.

The even tinier loft 'studio' above my father's garage where I moved to was never a contender for her. Charlie had offered Scarlett my old bedroom in the house but to her eyes, it was just a cramped little room that had needed redecorating for years, not the sanctuary it had been to me growing up. It could never compete with her other grandparents house, where she had a bedroom larger than both of our new homes combined.

At Esme's, she had her own en suited bathroom and a sitting room as well, not to mention the balcony off the French doors with a view to die for.

The rest of the mansion, with it's media rooms and all mod cons, with a housekeeper who cleaned up after her, was paradise to a deprived child. After ten years of poverty suddenly she had been transformed into Cinderella, why on Earth would she leave?

She loved her new life and neither her father or I had yet managed to convince her to live with either of us.

In the last seven years since our split, Edward had bettered himself and become a doctor, but even the beautiful house he had recently built high up on the cliffs overlooking La Push beach was not enough to lure Scarlett away.

He never stopped trying to win her over and no doubt she loved that. He had let her design the bedroom she occasionally agreed to sleepover in, and he had duplicated the rooms she had at her grandparents house in an effort to get her back, but I knew she was enjoying the power of knowing it hurt him for her not to comply to his dearest wishes.

We had not been good enough parents and she knew it, and even once our circumstances had changed over the years, she had simply refused to let us try and make up to her for the hard times. I guess all she remembers are the arguments over money or the lack of it, and the fact she rarely ever saw both Mommy and Daddy at the same time.

Once Carlisle and Esme took over our roles, she had blossomed with all the attention and love they showered on her.

I couldn't blame them. They loved their only grandchild from the first moment they saw her, and had tried to help out over the years. Esme was forever inviting whoever was home with Scarlett to eat dinner with them, and sending us home with the leftovers. She had wanted to buy our child everything we couldn't, but of course, Edward's pride would not allow that. Sometimes I had cheated and taken the money she offered if it meant keeping the heating on all Winter, or if Scarlett needed to pay for a school outing.

My acceptance of a modestly priced new car had been the straw that broke the camels back. Edward had been furious but my rusty red truck that I'd driven since back in High School had finally died, and Forks is not known for it's public transport system, so even knowing my husband would be angry, I had taken the keys from my Father-in-law's hand and driven home defiantly.

Edward's reaction had been predictable, but none the less draining, and I'd given up, packed my bags and left him.

At first living alone had been almost fun.

With only myself to feed and care for, I'd managed to study and better myself as well, and now I had a great job working for Emmett McCarty as his PA.

"So, that's you done," Rose said with a smile. I knew she had already moved on in her mind to what she would be wearing herself tonight. One perk of my job was that Emmett had soon noticed the gorgeous blonde who often dropped by the office to go to lunch with me, and predictably they were now dating.

Good for her.

Rose had not had an easy life either. Her first husband had been a player, and although she had known it, for many years she thought she could change him. I'd watched her heart break over and over after she had repeatedly forgiven Royce yet again for his latest dalliance only to find the next lot of foreign lipstick on his collar.

Finally she had decided she deserved better, and now she had it.

Emmett was adorable, and the fact he was friends with my ex-husband didn't matter at all. It wasn't like I joined Rose and Emmett when they double dated with Edward and whoever his latest girlfriend was. I didn't even ask Rose anything about these girls. Edward had introduced me to the first one, Irina Somebody, out of some sense of politeness I guess, five years ago when he put himself back on the market. She'd only lasted a matter of weeks before he had replaced her with another girl so similar she could have been her twin sister. Since then, he was often out and about with further clones. They were pretty much interchangeable. Tall, buxom, and blonde. My opposite.

Why I had not dated earlier escaped me now.

Divorce means never having to consider your ex's feelings, but I guess it had taken me far longer to move on than he had. The ghost of the early days of our marriage still lingered in my head and when anyone asked me out on a date, I had compared the asker to my still stunningly gorgeous Edward and found him a pale imitation.

But those days are over.

Tonight I'm going on my first post divorce date with a hot, fit, younger man and I am damn well not going to let anything spoil that.

I drained the glass because my nerves needed that extra boost, and was wowed speechless when Rose appeared, twirling around to show off her new frock. What there was of it. She still looked the same as she had in High School, with no pregnancies to mar her body or child to turn her hair grey.

She was still the most gorgeous women in Forks and she always would be.

I was still amazed that Edward had chosen me over her back in the day. She had wanted him, but for some reason plain and mousy had trumped over movie star beautiful. To this day she hated him for that.

"Okay. Emmett is probably going to pull you straight into the back seat of his car and ravish you before we even get to the venue," I sighed.

"That's fine. He's hired a limousine so there will be plenty of room for ravishing," she laughed. "Room for you and Jacob to get into a little struggle of your own," she winked.

"Rose, it's all I can do to go to dinner and maybe dance with this guy," I admonished her. "I'm not going to sleep with him."

"Live a little, Bella. You are young, single and free and so is he. It's called hooking up. No strings attached. Maybe you will like it. Maybe Jake can be your toy boy and put a smile back on your face."

xxxx

Jacob announced his arrival at Rose's house by the loud purr of a Harley engine. I had insisted on doing the sensible thing and not having him learn my actual home address before I was ready for him to know it, and to be honest, I was pretty sure tonight was a one off. I held no hopes that it would lead to Jake and I becoming anything at all. He was simply the date I needed to avoid attending tonight's party alone as usual.

"Bella, come look. He rides a motorbike," Rose said from her vantage point at the window. Normally I wouldn't have rushed to join her, but the ratio of alcohol to blood in my system had lowered my normally high standards.

"Okayyy," I breathed out at the sight of the six foot six inch piece of pretty that was striding towards the front door. Think Chris Hemsworth in the Quileute version. Rose certainly had not lied or exaggerated the beauty of Jacob Black.

I may have rushed a little to open that door and invite him inside.

"Bella. I am so happy to meet you at last. I have been an admirer of yours from afar ever since you and Rose attended my art showing at Jasper Whitlock's gallery last year, You bolted before I got the chance to formally introduce myself on that occasion."

I remembered that night well. It had been the first time any man had shown such an open display of blatant interest in me since Edward, and I'd panicked. I hadn't even hung around long enough to find out the man admiring me from the other side of the room was Jacob Black, the artist whose work I had been captivated by as I gazed at his paintings on the gallery walls.

"It's great to meet you, Jacob," I said as he gallantly kissed my hand. Something long hibernating stirred inside me. What had Rose said again about it now being no big deal about age gaps and one night stands? I blushed at the thought. This guy is twenty five years old! Nothing will ever happen between us.

I was already plotting how to avoid that awkward kiss at the end of the date. Jake may be kind of beautiful but he looked his age and I was not stupid enough to even imagine I could hold his interest for long. There's no fool like an old fool, as they say. Maybe he could possibly be thinking he wouldn't mind a night with a cougar, but I would soon make it clear that was not my scene at all. No, I would go ahead with this date but once it was over, I would make no further contact with this man. He was nothing like the kind of guy I could imagine having anything special with. I want special. I want a relationship. Something like Edward and I had so briefly. I want more of the romance I so barely got to enjoy, and the feeling of my heart missing a beat every time I saw him, and the bliss of laying beside a man I can imagine being with forever.

Jacob Black is definitely not that man.

"Hi Jake. I hate to interrupt but Emmett's limo just pulled up. Let's get this show on the road," Rose enthused.

I shocked myself by reverting to a sixteen year old giggling schoolgirl as Jacob took my arm and led me down the front steps towards the long black limousine waiting for us. I knew it was simply the alcohol, not the company.

Predictably, Emmett had jumped out and was trying to meld his body so closely to Rose's that it was hard to see where he ended and she began. His deep purple tuxedo exactly matched her gown.

"This pair need to get a room," Jake laughed and I felt myself blush. Somehow even the hint of anything sexual about someone else seemed inappropriate. I wanted to fake a sudden migraine and beg off but I had been raised to be polite and it is only one evening. I can do this. I can eat with him , have a few dances and bolt for the safety of my little studio apartment as soon as anyone else makes their excuses and leaves. Let's hope Rose and Emmett can't control their passion and want to leave straight after dinner.

Emmett reluctantly pulled back and released his lips from Rose's.

"Good evening Bella. Nice to meet you again, Jake. Please, step inside and we will start the party."

Jacob took my hand and I walked up to the car. My reflection in the tinted windows pleased me. Rose knew her stuff and the blue dress she had insisted I buy was worth every penny. I looked good, even I admitted that. Better than I had looked for years, in fact. Pity it was wasted.

Before my eyes could even adjust to the dark interior , a hand from within reached out and assisted as I stepped inside.

A pair of green eyes looked at me, then at the young man climbing in behind me. These emerald eyes widened in surprise and recognition.

"So Isabella, I see you have succumbed to the lure of dating a celebrity," Edward Cullen said, his eyes belying the smile on his lips. "It's always nice to see women showing their support for the youth of today. At first I'd thought you had hired yourself an escort for this evening and all the actual fully grown men had already been booked."

I regained my power of speech and smiled at the vacuous blonde at his side.

"It's nice to see you again, Irina. I'm so happy you and Edward are still dating."

The woman was instantly confused and Edward narrowed his eyes at me.

"Actually, Bella, this is Irina's sister, Tanya."

"You dated Irina?" the girl wailed.

I smirked and felt Jake pull me onto the seat beside him, Instinctively I meant to keep a distance between his body and mine but as Edward glared at me from the opposite seat, I defiantly turned and caught Jacob's face between my hands and leaned in to kiss him with far more enthusiasm than I had felt earlier.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHEERS for reviews and to the readers who pointed out since I changed my pen name they had no idea who Kizmet The Khaleesi was or why her stories were showing up in their email.**

It Aint Over

Chapter 2

EPOV

Well, there goes my hopes for a nice uneventful night out with Tanya and Emmett and Rose. I wanted to glare at that pair for not bothering to tell me that Bella was on the guest list but somehow my eyes are too busy glaring at my ex-wife and her child boyfriend.

Beside me, an annoying noise alerted me to the fact that Tanya was carrying on about me never informing her about dating Irina, which was ridiculous as we had not done that stupid talk thing most girls insist on where they list every person they ever dated then demand you do the same.

She didn't ask, so I hadn't told. At least she had no idea I'd dated her other two sisters, Kate and Heidi as well. In my youth before Bella Swan walked into my view and blew away all thoughts of every other girl on the planet, I'd had an adolescent crush on one of the Denali sisters and after the divorce, I couldn't remember which one. So it had made some type of sense to date each of them until I figured it out. I hadn't had sex with them all, don't think that.

Anyway, why does it matter who we had been with in the past ? If it's over, it's done.

"Edward, are you going to answer me?" Tanya whined and I frowned and tore my eyes away from Bella.

"Um, sure. I think Irina and I dated for a month or something," I replied. Why did it matter? A month, a year, if we aren't still in touch, and we aren't, who cares?

"Why did you break up?"

I sighed.

"I dare say it's a common story. We were far too young and we had way too much adult responsibility thrust upon us years before we could handle it but the thought of our baby being flushed away was more than I could cope with so...I made a lot of stupid selfish decisions and I paid the price eventually when Bella packed her bags.."

"Bella? I was asking about why you broke up with my sister," Tanya hissed.

"Oh," I replied. Why did we break up? Do you even call it breaking up when you have only dated like a month? Isn't that more like you were in the early stages of sussing out if you two even like one another, and then one day you decide "no, we don't"?

"Was it because you really wanted to date me and you were using Irina as a way to find me and reconnect?"

"Ah, sure." Why not? She looked satisfied with that answer.

Bella was deliberately ignoring me yet playing a role intended to drive me mad. Not that I care what she does or who she dates now, it's all up to her. But seriously? I don't think this kid is even old enough to shave. Though he seems to know how to kiss.

Rosalie had better stop smirking at me or I'll slap that victorious grin off her face. Cow. It beats me why Emmett dates her. Honestly the girl is about as deep as a puddle and her idea of a meaningful dialogue is updating us on what the Kardashians are doing this week.

I guess like stick with like, vacuous airheads enjoy watching other vacuous airheads stumbling through life though why crap like that is inflicted on us I do not understand.

Becoming famous because of a sex tape just seems a step too far even for Hollywood.

Jacob Black finally came up for air and I grabbed the opportunity to gain Bella's attention.

"Are you pleased that our daughter got into Oxford?" I hit her with. Immediately I felt guilty. My parents had arranged for Scarlett to make her announcement tomorrow night at a family dinner, and Bella may well not even be aware she was invited yet, let alone why.

We'd had very little to do with one another since the divorce.

I know that's my fault but avoidance has always been easier than confrontation. There had been more than enough of that during our marriage.

I was constantly aware that I'd failed both my girls and while Scarlett was more than willing to remind me of that fact every week when she came to dinner at my house, my wife had never felt the need to point out my many bad decisions and faults to me.

With hindsight I would change some of those decisions, apart from the one we made to marry. I will never regret that.

"Oxford? In England?" Bella finally managed to splutter. It seemed the boy at her side had suddenly become invisible to her as she gave me her full attention. "How is that possible?"

"I dare say because Scarlett inherited my brains as well as your brains and your beauty," I replied.

"But she can't go to Oxford. She's only seventeen."

"She passed the aptitude test with flying colours and impressed the Board so much at her interview that they feel she is quite mature enough to study unsupervised. It's what she has been working towards for years, Bella."

I could see she was surprised, no, shocked. I guess she had not been aware of the many hours had been spent daily with my father tutoring our daughter so she would be accepted into his alma mater.

"I disappointed Carlisle by messing up in High School and not being able to attend myself as he had hoped and planned for, so now our daughter is determined to make up for it and go instead. She's quite brilliant. Don't forget Bree is there and she will keep her safe," I assured her. Bella looked almost faint. I moved to sit by her vacant side and took her pulse.

Bella looked up at me with her big brown eyes and I was filled with regrets, as always, when I looked into their depths. I would do anything to repair the damage I have done to this woman but that is not an option. I drove her to the point where she had no choice but to leave me, and I pay for that every single day, every hour, with every breath I take.

But the past is the past and we move on, don't we? She is far better off without me and we both know that. Though replacing me with this twenty something is extreme, especially for Bella.

"I'm sorry. It wasn't my news to tell. Scarlett will have my guts for garters when she finds out."

"Is this what tomorrow nights dinner is about?"

"Yes. Mom invited you already?" I replied. I expect Bella had received the same invitation as I had. Be there at eight, no excuses, and no 'plus one'.

Carlisle and Esme approved unequivocally of my dating Tanya but she was not a player needed in the dramatic production they had planned. Tomorrow night was for immediate family only and she was not that.

Not yet. But it did seem fated we would end up together. Her family and mine had been friends for years, generations , and I was aware my parents had discussed at length which Denali sister would be 'best suited to marry Edward' before I dashed their hopes and dreams by conceiving a child with 'the completely unsuitable' Bella Swan. But I was not with Tanya to please them. It was just a no doubt happy coincidence, though maybe by now I was just giving up and bowing to my Fate. Accepting that I have no control.

"Why wasn't I told this was even a possibility?" Bella asked me. It was a fair question and once again my hackles rose. Scarlett wanted to surprise her mother and show her she had not chosen to live with my parents simply because they had many more possessions than we had, she had done it mainly because she had learnt from our mistake and was determined to make something of her life.

So far she had achieved all her goals. No boys, no dating, just hours and hours of her nose stuck in a book or her eyes glued to a computer screen as she absorbed medical facts and procedures like a thirsty sponge. She had been blessed with a photographic memory and never forgot anything she had read but on the downside, she could never erase the memories of the hard life the three of us had endured together for ten years.

I had been such an ass I wanted to kick myself repeatedly for insisting my girls go without all the things they had deserved, even though I had not been in a position to provide these things myself. My parents could have. Maybe I had been wrong to refuse. I had my reasons but maybe nobody who had not lived with Carlisle and Esme themselves could understand those reasons. I had not refused because of pride, or churlishness.

I'd overlooked Bella taking money from them when we really had no choice but when she arrived home in that car I'd lost my cool completely. Only because I'd almost scrimped and saved enough to buy her a second hand model myself, and there she was in the car my father had bought as casually as he bought a newspaper, when I'd sweated and worked every extra shift I could for years to replace Bella's truck. Another month or so and I'd have been the one to hand her over a set of shiny keys and been her hero.

Carlisle knew I was saving up, and he knew I almost had the total I needed, so naturally he stepped in just in time to scupper me and bought Bella a better car than I could afford. Not to help her, God knows he had never liked her at all. Just because he could. And he knew we were at a point where the slightest crack would break us apart.

So he broke us.

Bella had always insisted she didn't need anything more than I could provide and as long as we had food on the table and a roof over our heads, she would be happy.

I had blindly taken her at her word. I wanted to give her everything, God knows, but as she never complained and our only arguments had been about the long hours I had been putting in, with no extra cash to show for them because I was secretly saving up for her car. My mistake had cost me my wife.

Bad enough it had cost us Scarlett, but I knew even if Bella didn't, that our child only appeared to be better off living with my parents. To the outside world they had done such a wonderful thing, taking her into their bosoms, making this whole dream career possible. They had provided her with the very best education possible, both within school and out, and now she had made it. She had achieved her dream of going to Oxford, a thrill I had been denied by my 'own recklessness'.

The only good thing was, once Scarlett was in Oxford she would be able to think for herself, and stop having opinions that came out of her mouth but had been planted there by her grandparents. She was merely their puppet. This move to England would mean her freedom.

I had argued for hours with both my daughter and my parents that Bella needed to know the life plan being created for Scarlett so she could adjust and come to terms with it over time, but I'd be beaten down. It was to be a surprise. A wonderful surprise. And I was not to spoil it as I had spoiled everything else.

I still wish I'd told her earlier.

Bella may appear tough and enduring but there's only so much anyone can handle and I was sure she would feel a little lost and sad to know our only child was choosing to go off to boarding school on another continent. It seemed like such a major event. Things like this should not be surprises. It was unfair to drop it on her while she was so completely oblivious to what had been going on.

But it had been the one request my daughter had made to me, and once again, I'd put her ahead of Bella.

This was a bolt from the blue but at least by telling her tonight she would have a chance to react with her usual positive devotion she had always shown our daughter rather than scream "No" and 'upset everyone'. I hoped I'd softened the blow in my own clumsy fashion.

She was bound to feel like she had been completely left out of all decision making yet again, but maybe by now she was used to that.

After all, what I had done to Bella had been far worse. Pregnant at seventeen and forced to continue the pregnancy solely because she loved and trusted me to make the right decision for us. I don't think I made the wrong choice as Scarlett is worth every sacrifice we made, but of course the pregnancy and birth had been almost an obscenity in Bella's body that was barely out of it's own childhood. She had been sacrificed to give my child life. I had sacrificed her.

After all the promises I had made to never do anything to hurt her, I had done the worst possible thing and forced her into adulthood ahead of her time.

No wonder I loathe myself.

I know it is completely possible that Jacob Black is actually far better for Bella than I could ever be, even though he is ten years her junior. He has already achieved so much. He's rich, famous, good looking. If I am being fair, does his age even matter when he looks at her like that? I was under the impression this was their first date but it is possible Emmett has that wrong, because the man looks like someone who has carried a torch for my wife for some time.

This is no normal first date.

This is the first stage of his plan.

He hopes to bewitch my wife and make her his.

I have no clue if Bella is a willing participant but it did appear that way before I dropped this bomb on her lap to distract her from him and his lips.

"Edward," Tanya said warningly and I reluctantly handed my wife back to her boyfriend and resumed my seat. Jacob put his arm around her shoulders and asked her what we had been talking about, and I heard the pride in her voice as she condensed seventeen years into a twenty minute conversation about the one person Bella loves and is proud of.

I turned back to Tanya and frowned her a warning to just let it go for now. I'd apologise for deserting her in my wife's time of need later. I'm quite sure I'll pay but no price will ever compare to the price I paid when I lost Bella.

xxxx

BPOV

God, Edward is such an ass.

I force myself to gaze unseeingly into Jacob's eyes as we glide around the dance floor but all I can think about is losing Scarlett, to another country, for the next four years or more. Clearly Edward thinks so little of me that he didn't think to tell me earlier what was going on. Like I'm not even that important.

You tell neighbours things like that, this casually. Not mothers.

Obviously he considers me barely her parent at all, now, since his parents have taken over her care.

Then it occurs to me that any of those three; Carlisle, Esme and Scarlett, should have told me earlier anyway. They feel like a band of conspirators.

I feel like I am merely the surrogate who carried the child. My usefulness ended years ago, and I guess I have to accept some of the blame seeing I let her stay with them even when I could afford to take her back myself. I could have given her no choice and insisted she come and live with me, but it just seemed like she was finally happy, and I couldn't shatter that happiness.

I'd mucked up her life for ten years and not been there enough, physically or mentally, so she had let Edward's parents fill in the gap. My own fault.

Now my world will be truly empty. I have nobody.

Jake smiles and his whiter than white teeth light up his face.

"Are you okay, Bells?"

"Sure. Just knocked off kilter for a while. I'm okay," I assured him.

Dinner had been awkward, to say the least. Edward had made a few clumsy attempts to repair the damage his announcement had made, but there was nothing he could say to take the sting away. My chest feels strange; empty, and I'm not altogether sure my heart is even still beating.

"Is he always that thoughtless and uncaring towards you?" Jacob asks.

I want to shout 'Yes, he is, he has always been a thoughtless prick'' but it isn't true. He made some mistakes and bad decisions but whose bad choice started the whole thing?

I just wanted to feel him inside me without a latex barrier between us. Just once.

Edward had refused time and again, and had I not then refused in turn to make love until he relented, the situation would never have arisen.

Even when he did eventually give in, he fully intended pulling out, and I had stopped him. I had grasped onto him so tightly he had been forced to finish deep inside me, and naturally Karma had punished us.

None of our parents believed the conception had occurred from one single act of unprotected sex, but it had. Edward had completely refused to ever trust me enough again to go bare, but anyway, time had proven that the damage was already done.

Of course I'd been shocked, and sorry, and repentant but still , Renee had raised me to know most 'little mistakes' were completely fixable and I'd assumed Edward would be as keen as I was to end the situation and put the whole thing behind us and move on as quickly as possible.

It had been an even greater shock when he told me he considered that unwelcome group of dividing cells were already a baby, in his mind.

Not something to be 'got rid of'.

I knew other girls at school had been in my situation before me and they'd all taken a few 'sick days' and bounced back within weeks, so I found it hard to accept my boyfriend would not consider that option.

Of course I could have just gone alone, or with my Mom, but I loved Edward with all my heart and I just felt I could not betray him like that. In truth, I was pretty sure if I did that he would never forgive me, but all the same, things could have been so much easier than he made them. I guess he took to heart his father's lecture about what a disappointment he was, and how he was choosing the wrong path. His parents felt just the same as Renee did, that this was easily fixable, and the sooner it was done the better.

Charlie was the only one who understood Edward's point of view. He told me how had he not fought for me when he had gotten Renee pregnant in college, I'd have been just a distant memory as well. That put things into perspective. My father had fought for me to be allowed to be born, and Edward was just doing the same for his child.

I switched teams, and with three against three, the opponents had shaken their heads and thrown their hands into the air, and given up.

Carlisle had been furious, though, after all the plans he had made for his only son were disappearing like a mist, he really lost his cool and said a lot of things to Edward that I'm sure he normally would never have said. And Edward reacted by refusing all offers of help for so many years, despite the fact his stubbornness hurt me and Scarlett as well.

"Hey Bells, this is a good thing. I mean, your daughter is going off to an amazing college and coming back one day as some brilliant surgeon or something. It's a chance few people ever get. If she has worked hard enough to qualify, you should probably think real hard about accepting this is what is best for her, and not make her feel guilty for wanting to be the best she can be."

"I know you are right. It's just that I feel like the rugs been pulled out from beneath me, you know?"

"Of course. And if your ex had handled things better, you would not doubt for one minute this is am amazing thing to happen to someone from Forks. I don't think we have many surgeons calling this place their home town."

"I'm going to miss her. I don't see her much as it is, not nearly as much as I want to, but you are right. Scarlett deserves her chance to shine and I'm not going to spoil it. I will act surprised but thrilled when she tells me tomorrow night. Though I wish I had someone with me to make sure my legs don't collapse under me all the same. Hearing it from her own lips is going to make it real."

"I can come with you. I don't have anything else penciled in one my date block," Jake reassured me with one of his winning smiles that were starting to warm my battered heart despite my reservations.

"Actually you can't. Esme emphasized I was to come alone...I mean, it's not like I ever take a date to any of her dinner parties. I'm not even invited these days, since the divorce."

"Do you date a lot of men?" he asked.

"Yeah. No. You are the second guy I have ever gone out with," I admitted.

"Well that's okay. That's nice. You don't hear that a lot nowadays. Or ever," he laughed, and I laughed too.

It did sound absurd and even though the shock of Edward's announcement had cleared all the alcohol from my system, I still felt completely at home in Jacob's arms.

"Hey, even when she leaves, I'll still be here," he stated, reading my mind. Or maybe my eyes. Edward always said he could read every thought I had ever had in my eyes. Maybe he was not the only one.

"Bella, come to the Ladies Room with me now," Rosalie commanded as she appeared out of nowhere.

As we headed down the hallway, she grabbed my arm.

"What were you thinking just before I interrupted? Think about it. I have to know exactly what was going through your mind. The look on your face..."

"I was thinking maybe Edward was not the only one..." I started to explain.

"Oh Praise the Gods. You have finally worked that out. Edward was never The One. He's definitely not the only One. Give Jake a chance. He may be young but he's keen, Bella. Never underestimate the blessing of an eager young stud. Here, take this key. I booked you a room upstairs. Emmett sprung for a bottle of champagne. Now go. Get out of here."

"Rose," I argued weakly, aware my reluctance to get closer to Jake was fading fast. "He's twenty five."

"Last I heard that was well above legal. Shit Bella, I am not asking you to settle down and raise a dozen kids with him. Just take him upstairs and fuck his brains out. Tomorrow you have to face the Cullen's and accept their opinions that they know what is best for your daughter yet again, so please, just do this one thing just for you. Go have some fun and forget about everything else just for tonight. Though how you would be able to think straight at all once that big hunk of man is all naked and willing..."

"Enough," I laughed. Maybe she was right. Maybe one night of fun, just for me, in the arms of a man who seemed to think I was actually a catch was just the bracer I needed before facing Edward's family and being told how Scarlett's life would proceed from this point, no matter what I wanted for her.

I all but ran back to a delighted Jake and pressed the key card into his hand.

"Apparently there's a room upstairs with our name on it," I informed him as he took me into his arms and almost lifted me off my feet.

"What are we waiting for?" he asked with a grin.

I caught sight of Edward moving slowly around the dance floor with Tanya in his arms, his eyes glazed as if he was a hundred miles away. That figures. He bursts my world apart then walks away and forgets I exist.

"Nothing at all. Come on," I replied, opening the door and heading for the elevator.

My last thought as Jake lifted me into a fireman's hold and carried me into the room was, "Thank God Rosalie chose my underwear and I'm not wearing my usual daggy duds."

Not that I think he even would have noticed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Cheers for reviews, sorry I don't do requests. There is no pint saying "Don't let this happen" or "Make Bella do that" because by the time I post the first chapter I have written 6 chapters already and it's already happened. I cannot tailor a story to suit one individual reader. All I can say is, if you don't like my characters or what I do to them, don't keep reading. There are a lot of other stories here at Fanfic, so do what I do, go find something you like. Cheers...my regular readers know everything happens for a reason, that reason is usually because I know how every story ends before I start writing.**

**BTW you know what would be cool? Seeing they sold the rights to Twilight anyway, how about they make a movie showing Edward's life from when he got changed? We could see the family living through the last hundred years, in all different decades in lots of different countries. Carlisle could be a bootlegger. Emmett and Rose could be Children Of God in the hippie era. Of course RPatz would never agree to do it so they could just have the rest of the family and say "Edward's off chewing on rapists necks in the cinema."**

It Aint Over

Chapter Three

EPOV

I saw Bella and Jake slip from the room, and quickly excused myself to Tanya, telling her I needed to use the little boy's room. In fact, I needed to see where these two were headed. Once in the lobby, I mentally directed them to walk outside and order separate cabs but as usual, nobody was listening to my inner Dictator.

Instead they headed for the elevators and went inside one. As it's doors closed behind them, I read the floor numbers as they lit up. It stopped on the penthouse level.

So, they hadn't just moved on to another party.

The only thing on that floor was the Honeymoon Suite. That pretty much eliminated every other possible scenario than the one I had dreaded for the last seven years.

Bella was about to replace me.

I would no longer be the only man she had ever made love with.

Knowing it had to happen one day, and admiring her for the restraint she had shown for seven whole years was still different to accepting the facts.

I pressed the button so the elevator would descend back to this lobby but I really had no idea what I was going to do. I could hardly break down the door and grab Bella by the hair like some caveman and drag her away before he put his filthy hands on her beautiful body.

But that just left hanging around near the door to their suite like some demented stalker.

I stiffened as I felt Emmett's hand on my shoulder.

"Edward, don't. Just walk away. You always knew this was how it would end. She would meet someone and let him into her life and she would move on and be happy again. Without you. It's what you have always wanted for her, remember?"

I turned and faced him.

"But not like this. Jacob Black isn't what she needs. She will never settle down and marry any guy ten years younger than her. This isn't right."

"He may not be a potential marriage partner but he probably is just what she needs right now. Some pretty boy who will show her she can have sex with other men after all. Teach her that her body was never made for just you alone. It's time Edward. For you too. Go back to Tanya's house and break the drought."

I glared at him but none of this was his fault really.

Just the idea I had to really, truly let Bella go; let her move on, caused me so much more pain than I had anticipated. And now she was letting some other man inside her.

"Edward, what's going on?" Tanya asked, walking up to me and Emmett.

"Nothing. He was just making sure everyone who has been drinking is getting cabs home and not driving," Emmett replied smoothly. "Why don't you and Edward go and tell my driver to take you too back to your place for the night?"

"Oh, Edward probably wants to go home to his own house," Tanya replied wearily.

I turned to her and took her hand.

"No I don't. Not tonight. It's time, Tanya. Take me home to your place."

The smile that lit up her face indicated she was onboard with that.

Emmett reached into his pocket and slipped several shiny foil packets into my jacket pocket.

"Be safe, kids. See you both for lunch tomorrow on my yacht? Noonish, if you have woken up by then. Call me."

"Thanks Emmett," I mumbled.

xxxxx

Tanya wasted no time in getting us outside and into the limo, and she told the driver to drop her at her address. I found it hard to speak during the trip. All I could think about was after tonight, Bella and I would truly be over and it hurt inside my heart. Of course in theory I had always wanted her to move on and find someone else, someone better than me, but now it was happening I just felt numb. And angry at how life had fucked us over. And betrayed because I had never found an answer or a way to make things better for Bella, and now she was looking for someone else to be her hero.

This was not I had wanted for her. I knew she would never rush into some other man's bed without thought but to be honest I imagined she would get into a friendship with some guy, and in time it would develop into a relationship, and then when she decided this person was special and could offer her the life she deserved, only then would she grant access to her body.

I never for a moment thought she would go upstairs on a first date with a guy young enough to be her...younger brother.

And to top it off, the very same night I was expected to fuck someone new and remove the last tie I had with Bella. The one thing I had to hold on to was knowing I had never succumbed to any other woman's charms and bedded them.

But unlike what I wanted for Bella, I always knew I would simply take some woman I liked well enough to bed and cut that imaginary cord that kept me linked to my wife. The chances that I would ever experience both lust and love for another woman seemed remote. I hadn't even felt lust for the other Denali sisters. I'd felt nothing at all. Maybe a little boredom.

As soon as we got back to Tanya's, I took her hand and led her to the sofa.

"We need to talk."

"You aren't going to change your mind, are you?" she asked worriedly.

"No. Not if this is really what you want."

"Of course it is. Why wouldn't I want this to happen? I've wanted it for weeks. Months. I've never dated anyone without sleeping with them anywhere near this length of time before."

"Tanya, you know I like you, right?"

"Sure. And I am kinda keen on you too."

"But we aren't pretending this is love, are we?"

"You are such a relic. That sort of thinking is so old fashioned. Sometimes you speak like you are from a different time. Back in our grandparents day.

Today there is no necessity for two people to be in love before they make love, Edward. It can just be something friends share together, or even strangers come to that. Nobody judges any more."

"I just wouldn't want you to think I was in love with you when I am not."

"I know. Bella is the only one you have ever loved and maybe one day that might change. But if we wait around for that to happen, we could miss out on a lot of fun times. I know you aren't ready for anything serious or permanent yet. Neither am I. We like one another and that's enough for me. Now come to my bedroom before I throw you to the floor and ravish you right here."

I stood beside her as she rose from the sofa and kissed her gently. Maybe this was as good as got for me now. So long as Tanya didn't care that I didn't love her, and she wants to do this, then I guess we are not hurting anyone.

"So, your ex's date was pretty hot," Tanya said as she opened her bedroom door. "I bet they are at it like rabbits. Who wouldn't be? A young hottie like that, right in his prime. I bet he can last for.."

I grabbed her and placed my lips over hers just to stop her talking, and my hands slid across the breasts that were becoming familiar to my hands.

We had kissed and hugged and gradually done all the things high schoolers started off doing, but until tonight, we had never gone all the way. I was one step up from a virgin. A thirty five year old man who had always remained monogamous to a woman totally out of my reach.

I had to follow through tonight, there was no other choice.

Tanya would throw me out and lock her door if I didn't and she was the only other girl I had ever fancied. I just had to summon up my teenage fantasies and do now what I wished I could have done to her back then, when I was fourteen and just finding out what happened between men and women.

Of course I had erased those thoughts as if they never existed once Bella came into my life, but tonight I needed them back, because thinking about Bella while I bedded another woman would be far too painful.

What had triggered those very first feelings of lust? Oh, that's right. I'd gone walking along beside the creek at the bottom of my parents property, and eventually got to the clearing my father had designed as some kind of 'camping grounds' for friends and family to use. It was not exactly roughing it in the true sense. There was a bath house with hot water, spa baths, showers, a sauna. A Kitchen hut with all mod cons. The sleeping accommodation featured permanent tents set on wooden floor bases and had pot belly stoves in their middle, and proper beds.

It was more your upscale five star camping experience.

The Denali family were pretending to be experiencing a few nights like the 'other half' lived, and I'd watched a fifteen year old Tanya go inside the nearest tent. The bonfire between the tents had thrown her body into a shadowy silhouette and I'd watched transfixed as the girl inside pulled her shirt off over her head and then unclipped and removed her bra.

Then she had stepped out of her brief denim shorts that I'd noticed earlier, and then slid her underwear down her body, no doubt to put on her bathing suit to go sit in the Jacuzzi.

At this point I'd bolted home for the privacy of my bedroom to rerun those images in my mind as my hand provided the necessary friction to bring my body relief.

I guess it was fitting that the first girl to inspire my early sessions of self pleasure was now ready and willing to give me the real experience.

I let my body respond to those memories and pulled Tanya toward her bedroom, throwing off my clothes and leaving them scattered behind us as I kicked the door shut behind us.

I just hoped I would know what to do with this other woman; this woman who was not my wife.

xxxx

BPOV

Okay, I was grateful when Jake poured me a nice strong vodka and added a little soda. I downed it in pretty much two gulps and blushed as I burped softly as a result.

Jake was too busy removing my clothing to notice and I shivered at the feeling of his breath against my skin, which was burning with desire. I'd never experienced purely lustful feelings for anyone before. I had never imagined myself jumping into bed with someone I didn't love, let alone man I hadn't known long enough to even be sure I really liked.

I grabbed at his belt and he smiled through the kiss and helped me undo the buckle and discard his trousers.

He stepped out of them and held up a finger. His lips left mine as he kicked his shoes off, then suddenly he was naked, and I was naked.

I was so very glad he had not bothered to put any lights on, because although I regained my shape after Scarlett's birth, I had been left with rows of silvery lines across my abdomen and I always wondered if that would be a turn off for some future guy I wanted to take as my lover.

Luckily Jake seemed to be a tactile person rather than the type who needed to see what he was fondling.

He backed me towards the bed and slid me between the sheets, then he joined me and slid inside me before I could even explain I really didn't quite know what to do to make this good for him. I had only experienced Edward inside me before and I knew what he liked, but were all men the same?

Rose had laughed and replied they pretty much were, they just wanted sex and lots of it, and they liked the woman they were with to join in and be just as willing as they were, so I arched toward him as he entered me, and kept pace as he ravished my body.

The sex was surprisingly good, and Jake seemed to agree, if coming back for seconds and thirds was anything to go by.

Condoms were changed and discarded onto the floor as neither of us wanted the other to leave the bed for any reason, and I had completely lost all my inhibitions by the time we had exhausted one another, and I fell asleep locked in his arms.

Morning, of course, was a different story.

It's one thing to take some moderately attractive woman to bed, with her face carefully made up and her hair just so, but I had no illusions I resembled that woman from the night before in the early dawn.

My hair was a mess of tangles, and the effects of the straightener were long gone. My face was probably attractively streaked with make-up, making me look like a clown who had been out in the rain.

I took a peep at Jake and fumed inside how men just looked better in the mornings. Edward always remained looking exactly like some Greek God no matter what shenanigans we had indulged in, and it seemed despite the waist length black hair, Jake was pretty much the same. Why didn't his hair tangle? Maybe because it was black and shiny and smooth and completely straight. He looked like a model being shot in an advertisement for bed linen.

_Buy these sheets, and you will soon have some sexy as fuck man like this in bed with you._

I dare say stocks would soon be ripped off the shelves and hurriedly bought by women world wide.

And while he may be young, that was eclipsed by the fact he was so darn pretty. What is it with me always ending up with men prettier than myself?

"Lucky me," I decided and slipped from beneath the covers to head into the bathroom to repair some damage.

I paused at the mirror and gasped.

What the fuck? When had he done that? How come he had covered much of my torso with bite marks yet I had not felt a thing?

Edward had bitten me sometimes, but always with full effect. This was weird.

I got into the shower cubicle and poured the entire contents of the complimentary shampoo onto my hair, and started pulling my fingers through the rats nest, at the same time turning my face to the flow of water to clean off the remnants of cosmetics.

I thought about last night. Actually it had been much less complicated than I had anticipated. Maybe Rose had been right all these years, and having sex with some man I barely knew and had no emotional investment in had been a good idea.

I wasn't bothered whether he would wake up and regret what had happened, and neither was I wondering if he would ask me out again.

Whatever.

I'd spent last night with him for one reason only, and I had achieved what I needed to achieve.

Edward was no longer the only man I had slept with and it felt like now I had my passport to go out into the world and try a few more flavors before I looked for someone to attempt something real and serious with again.

Of course I felt a small stab of guilt at what I had done but it was eclipsed by the new found joy of knowing I could actually bear to sleep with someone who wasn't Edward, and that was a breakthrough.

But just as suddenly, I felt my eyes well with tears at the realization I had erased my last tie with my Edward. He was no longer my One and Only, at least, not as far as my body was concerned. I'd been with someone else. Someone else had been inside me where only Edward had been before.

It was a loss, and I just went with the feelings and allowed myself to cry.

I looked up at the sound of Jacob walking into the bathroom, and hurriedly brushed the tears from my cheeks.

"Hey, Bella. Are you okay? You aren't regretting last night, are you?"

"No, no way," I assured him, shaking my head. "It's just different to how I thought it would be. I expected to feel a sense of relief that I had managed to move on and I do, honestly, but I hadn't expected to feel like I just betrayed someone I once loved very much. It's not regret, Jake. You didn't break us up. I was definitely ready to move on and I am grateful to you for letting me do that. I have no regrets, not about what we did. Just the same old regrets that my marriage was such a disaster and ended so ...easily. Neither of us even bothered fighting to get back what we once shared and I guess that must be because we didn't want it back. But there's still this lingering ghost of what we once were and I need it exorcised.

I think you did do that for me, it's just not an instantaneous thing like I expected it would be. It's more a defeated ghost, pausing for a moment to make sure there is indeed nothing left. But it can go now. I want it to leave."

"I was glad to be of service," Jake replied, reaching out and tracing the fine silvery pattern my daughter had gifted me with while she grew inside me. I'd forgotten about those and I shut my eyes tightly.

"Battle scars, Bella. They are beautiful; nothing to be ashamed of. You grew a whole new person inside you once. She may be a seventeen year old girl now, but I'm sure she will always be that amazing little miracle you gave birth to, inside your heart. Your baby forever. I want that, too. I want the experience of creating a child of our own, one day. I hope you want that too. I have always imagined myself with two little black haired boys. I have even named one of them after my father, but you can name the other one. Charlie, if you want. Billy and Charlie. Bella and Jake's little tearaways, always up to mischief in the forest or on the beach. Terrorizing the neighbourhood. There are twins in my family; how about in yours? Twins would be fun, don't you think?"

I wasn't sure where to look, how to look. I managed some type of indecisive shrug, and panicked that I was in deeper waters than I had assumed. Didn't Rose tell me constantly there was barely a single guy on the planet these days who wanted the whole deal? Why wasn't he saying the words she had warned me he would most probably say? You know: "_It's been fun, maybe we could catch up for a drink sometime; wow, is it that late already? I have an early meeting this morning. Grab some breakfast from room service if you like. Thanks, last night really was great. See you around, maybe."_

Why was he saying things men usually say to women they have dated for ages, years?

"Once upon a time, all I wanted was to have more children," I replied. I had longed to know what it would be like to give Edward a son. He insisted he was fine with having a girl, and that the Cullen line and family name ending with our daughter could even be a good thing.

"Edward and I could never have afforded a second baby and Scarlett is practically grown up now. I pretty much figured all that was long behind me. I am thirty five years old, Jake. Rose did tell you that, right?"

"Thirty five is nothing. You say it like another women would say fifty five. Like it's too late to have more kids. You have what, four or five more years before it would even become urgent. I only want two kids, Bella. But you do make a point. Maybe we should do this sooner rather than later. I suppose you can't just order twins, so the chances are we will have to have two singletons. And I guess it's best not to have them really close together. You might want a year between pregnancies?" he asked seriously.

"Let's not even pretend we know one another well enough to be having _that _conversation" I said with a strangled attempt at a laugh.

I stepped away from him and busied myself pulling on yesterday's underclothing.

"Wait. I ordered you some new stuff from the gift shop last night. It should be delivered by now," he growled, looking at the clock on the bedroom wall.

"Really, Jake, it's fine. I'm not the first person to do the walk of shame in the same clothes as she wore the night before." I grabbed a brush from my purse and started pulling it mercilessly through my hair. Was Jacob simply over keen to settle down with someone, anyone, or was he some kind of weirdo who was about to lock me in this room until I agreed we should start the first of our black haired sons right here and now?

I crammed my brush back into the bag and made for the door just as Jake opened it to the maid standing outside, holding out something for him to sign as she handed him the package of clothing.

"Sorry, I have to go. Early meeting... thanks for everything, and maybe..."

Jacob turned and tossed the parcel onto the bed and shut the door behind the maid.

"Bella. Sit down. Calm down. I'm sorry, I know I am moving way too fast. I can't help it. I really have admired you from afar this past year, and I have been nagging Rose to set us up. I don't mean to come across as some crazy person. It's just that there are feelings, real feelings, on my side already. I know it's not the same for you. I know you barely knew I existed before yesterday. Please, just agree we can be friends, and hang out together sometimes. I know you have a busy career and I will not expect too much from you, I promise. Just say we can go out on a date and get to know one another better. Please."

He smiled and I relaxed.

He was just the female form of Jessica Stanley, I realised.

Every guy who asked her out on a date ended up alarmed to find her discussing the preferred cut of the diamond she wanted in her engagement ring by the end of the night. She had stashes of baby clothes hidden in her closet, and her garden shed contained boxes of baby furniture waiting to be needed and assembled. She had knitted little matching sweaters in pink and in blue, with 'Benjamin' and 'Lauren" embroidered on the front.

But she was completely normal and just longed for a husband and babies. Jake was just like her. He wasn't a threat or a weirdo.

"I know your father. Charlie can vouch for me. Honestly, I have never said anything remotely like this to any other girl I have slept with. You just do something to me that the others never have. I think maybe you are my soulmate, but you don't know that yet, and I do. Maybe we could have dinner with Charlie as our chaperone, if that would make you feel better?"

Yeah, that would be a conversation I never wanted to have.

"_Hey Dad, I slept with this fairly random stranger last night and he fell instantly in love with me. Now he wants a family dinner. Is eight o'clock tonight good for you?"_

Shit.

Eight o'clock tonight.

Dinner at the Cullen estate.

I should be talking to Scarlett and making sure she truly wants this placement at Oxford, and reassure myself she isn't being bulldozed into by Carlisle before she makes her big announcement..

He will have other grandkids. I'm sure Bree will pop out a kid or two someday. Or Edward and one of his blondes might reproduce together.

They may have kept me apart from my daughter and forced all their decisions onto me but it stops now. Scarlett will make her own choices and if they don't like it, well too bad.

Edward had tried so hard to win Scarlett back, but I knew he was hampered by his own ingrained belief that she must be allowed to have a say in her own life, and make her own choices. He refused to order her around like his parents had done to him. He was sure once one of us had a career and a nice place to live, and some precious time to devote to her, she would want to be with one of us, surely.

All the same I think he overplayed the understanding father. Sometimes I think he should have walked into that mansion and just grabbed her away.

But then, I could have done that myself, and I didn't.

Were we right to be influenced by what she wanted? She'd been a child when she moved in with them, and we had both been so busy with our work, why would we insist on her coming back to the lesser life that was all we could offer?

Then after the split we were both working and studying, so we were busier still.

But we were her parents. We should have found a way to make a home for her.

Time had been as much our enemy as lack of money.

Time just has a habit of racing by and you don't notice, not until it's too late.

By the time Edward was a resident at the hospital, and I was working for Emmett, and we finally had time to devote to her, she was too firmly settled in with Carlisle and Esme, who had all the time in the world for her.

"Sure Jake. Maybe I can cook for you and Dad sometime but honestly I have to go now. I have to make sure my daughter is choosing her own path in life and not being bullied into anything. I will call you and arrange when we can do dinner."

After I ask Charlie if he knows you and what he thinks of you.

I opened the door and hurried to the elevator.

Jake made no attempt to follow, and just stood and waved as I dashed off. Maybe he was worth thinking about, but at the moment all I had room for was Scarlett.

xxxx

EPOV

Waking up next to Tanya was actually quite nice. Sleeping alone had never felt right and it had been cold and lonely in my big brass bed. Not that I was quite ready yet to invite Tanya to sleep over at mine, next time.

I smiled at the thought I did want a next time.

I had been a little apprehensive about what would happen once Tanya and I did the deed. Maybe I'd no longer find her attractive and desirable, but the reverse had happened. She actually looked kind of sweet, curled up beside me with her long blonde hair spread across the pillow. Like a cross between an angel and a supermodel.

I was surprised to feel some vague early stirrings of protectiveness for her already. We had known one another a long time, and we had dated for a few months now. I guess I knew her better than any other woman apart from Bella, and let's face it, sometimes I wasn't even sure I knew Bella at all.

She had changed. Grown up. Found her independence.

Created a happy life for herself without a man involved.

I knew Renee would be really proud of that.

And now she had gone that extra step and put herself back out there, on the market so to speak, in the hope of discovering some new man she could fall in love with.

I was certain that was her aim. If she was the type of girl who would be happy with just a series of hook ups, she would have started long ago.

To my surprise, I was suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed at the knowledge we had both really moved on from one another. We were nothing more than parents to the same child.

I didn't like that.

I wanted something more.

Friendship.

We had been friends long before we fell in love, and I missed her.

After seven years there should be no awkwardness. Surely we could meet up now and then, with or without our daughter. Without, that's for sure, for the next few years at least.

I slipped out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. Tanya has one of those roomy modern wet rooms, and a decent hot water system so I let the water wash away the weird feelings of loss and regret, and washed my hair.

After drying myself, I felt unsure about what to do next. Was it permissible to wander naked about in the apartment of the woman you had been dating and had finally slept with? Or would it embarrass her?

I pulled on my boxers as a compromise. She could hardly find them offensive.

Her fridge was well stocked so I took out the ingredients for omelets and got to work. My own skillet had been residing in her kitchen cabinet for weeks now, because the woman owned no decent pots and pans.

By the time the coffee had brewed and the toast had toasted, the eggy mixture was cooked through so I slid it onto a plate and cut it in half.

Tanya stirred just as I placed the two plates on her table.

"Hey. Edward. You stayed," she said, sounding surprised.

"Of course I stayed," I replied, walking over and leaning over her to kiss her somewhat swollen lips.

"So," she said, sitting up and putting her feet onto the floor. "Was it okay for you? I certainly enjoyed myself. I told you it was like riding a bike. You never forget what to do, and how to do it best."

She was being kind. The first time I had hardly lasted long at all; certainly not long enough to satisfy her needs in any way. The second time had been better, much better. The the third time in the early hours had been really good. I was pleased and a little surprised. We were quite a good fit. I guess Emmett is right. He completely dismissed the idea Bella had been made just for me, and me just for her. He found the whole idea laughable. He assured me he had been 'a perfect fit' with many ladies in his time.

I had always assumed Bella was my only choice because of the feelings she had evoked in me but this was actually nice. Calm. No drama. No sense of impending doom because my mind was filled with money worries, and fear we were not good enough parents, and that time would pass by so fast that we had left it too late and we'd never get Scarlett back.

How had that happened?

I'd worked and studied but all at the expense of letting Scarlett stay where she should never have been, but what did I have to offer her? Living with me would have meant she would have been raised in the Forks after school care center and had babysitters at night when I started at the hospital. I'd have never been there physically. That was no life for a wonderful little girl.

Sometimes you have to accept than even if the alternative is not ideal, it is better than what you can offer.

Sometimes you have to a recognize that you are not good enough.

I had not been what Scarlett needed, and definitely not what Bella needed.

But it's all too late now.

The worst had happened.

All that was in the past.

This is what's left when the world has ended, and for some reason you didn't deserve the merciful ending of dying with it.

You are left with just ashes.

Tanya could be my new beginning. I have something to offer her.

Security.

Time.

And she has no expectations or needs I won't be able to meet.

No child ripped away from her because I had been too pathetic and helpless to find another solution.

She didn't see me as the inadequate person I knew myself to be. All she wanted was a pretty face to wake up to, and some fun times.

I could manage that.

"Come and eat while it's hot," I suggested. Tanya wrapped the sheet around her body and moved to the table.

"Wow, He cooks just as well as he fucks," she giggled as she tasted her omelette. I almost corrected her, we had not fucked, we had made love. But had we? There had been no declarations of love between us and in truth, I wasn't sure I could ever love anyone else again. But it hadn't been empty sex, either.

Maybe it had been a beginning.

Perhaps with time it would start to feel like love. I wanted to be in love again. I wanted a relationship, but a more controlled one this time, with everything happening in the right order, at the right time. No accidents. No parents calling the shots.

Did I want another child? I guess I had assumed one day Bella and I would be able to afford more kids but it had not happened. My fault. But she had never mentioned wanting to be pregnant again, and then next thing she was gone.

I looked up and saw Tanya watching my face.

"No regrets?"

"No regrets," I agreed.

"Good. I think we are going to be something quite special if you let it be."

Maybe.

But doesn't true love only come along once in a lifetime? I guess we will find out.

xxxx

**PS I have unexpected house guests for a while. I will post the chapters I have written but then there might be a lull for a while, and they will not be edited so excuse typos please. Happy 2014 everyone.**


	4. Chapter 4

It Aint Over

Chapter Four

EPOV

We arrived at Emmett's mooring at noon and were invited aboard. Emmett was dressed up like any good captain, with the whole cap and all. Rose on the other hand, was wearing as little as possible without risking arrest. She was stretched out on the deck on a lounger, and seemed to be asleep.

"So?" Emmett asked as Tanya went below to stow our things. "Was it good?"

"It was good," I agreed.

"And? Is Tanya your official proper girlfriend now?"

"I guess she is," I nodded. He smirked and I knew he was thinking that was because the sex must have been amazing. It was more because the sex had been possible at all.

"And you are happy?"

"I'm happy, Em. You were right to force my hand. It was time."

"Hallelujah for that. It was time four or five years ago, but whatever. Better late than never. I was ready to buy you some cats."

"No cats are necessary. I think maybe Tanya could possibly be more than a girlfriend, in time. I mean, it's early days but we seem to be a good enough match."

"Good man. I probably should warn you about something, okay?"

"Warn me?"

" Yeah. I can't imagine I will ever need to have this conversation with any other guy on the planet but you, my friend, are a special case.

Edward, you haven't slept with anyone but Bella before, and now Tanya let you break a seven year drought. Don't rush into anything. Just be careful that you don't mistake gratitude and the natural high you are on for something else. It's entirely possible you may find yourself connecting with Tanya on a higher level now, but it's also possible you might just feel a little drunk on the thrill of having sex. Don't be putting a ring on her or rushing off to Vegas until you get things back into perspective and can tell the difference between real feelings or just lust.

Just take things slow until you work out whether it's Tanya herself who is special to you, or just having sex is the special thing.

I don't want to watch you going through another train wreck. "

I heard Rosalie snort.

"What's your problem, Babe?" he called to her. Rose stood up and retied her bikini top, then joined us.

"I guess even Edward deserves a second chance," she said with a shrug. "Try not to wreck Tanya's life like you wrecked Bella's, okay? Only one life wrecking per person."

"You do know I regret so much of what I put my girls through, don't you?" I replied. "I would do anything I could to make things up to Bella."

"Then do something real for her. Some grand gesture as a meaningful symbol of apology and goodbye. She deserves it.

Buy her a proper apartment, you can afford it. She is saving all her wages apart from what she needs to live so she can travel. And that's gone from a luxury to a necessity now your parents have decided to send her daughter to live in a different country.

You know Bella will want to fly over and see Scarlett whenever she can, and guess what? That means she will still be scrimping and saving like she always has. Living on nothing. Never having the cash to enjoy her everyday life. She deserves better. Your family is forcing this situation onto her, so compensate her in some way."

"I want to but you know she won't take money from me."

"That's why buying her an apartment would work. Buy it in her name so she can't give it back. Set up some fund to cover her living expenses so she has some money to spend on herself.

She needs a whole new wardrobe if she is going to start dating men again. And she is. Though actually I think Jacob Black is perfect for her. She just needs to forget her prejudices about his age and judge him by what he does and what he says.

I think he loves her. If she has any brains at all, she will allow herself to fall in love with him. Then her money worries will disappear but you know she won't rush into anything.

Not after it took seven years to even get her into another man's bed. So, do you want me to help find her a nice place for you to buy?"

"Do you seriously think she and Jake will become an item?" I asked. Rose knew Bella better than anyone so she should know.

"Maybe. I know he harassed me for months to arrange a date between them. He saw her constantly turning down every guy who asks her out himself but I was happy to step in and help. She deserves to be happy, Edward."

"I agree, Rose. I want her to be happy too. It's more important to me than my own happiness, believe it or not."

Tanya appeared back on deck in a fairly brief bikini of her own, and handed me a drink.

"Well, going by her call to me just before, I think Jake made her pretty happy last night," Rose grinned. "Bella got her groove back."

"That's what I like to hear; that everyone's having wild passionate sex," Emmett added, grabbing Rose.

"Um, we don't need a demonstration. Edward and I know what wild passionate sex is," Tanya informed him, winking at me.

xxxx

BPOV

I went via my father's house to ask him to come along with me and chit chat to Carlisle and Esme so I could get Scarlett on her own. Dad was happy to help but gutted that his only grandchild would be overseas for the foreseeable future. All the same I could see he was as proud as Punch that my daughter was making such better choices than I had at the same age. No shotgun weddings and babies born long before she was ready in her world.

I envied her but really, we had only that one slip up so maybe it's all written in the stars anyway. Maybe we would have conceived her even with a condom.

I took advantage of the fact my father never feels the need to filla void with idle chatter.

"So, Dad. I met someone last night who said he knows you?'

Dad frowned.

"Jacob Black" I added.

"Oh, Billy's boy. We don't see a lot of him in these parts nowadays. He's usually off jet setting around the planet showing off his pictures."

"You mean his art work. His paintings."

"Yup. Like I said. His pictures."

"So, what type of guy is he?"

Charlie shrugged and looked out of the side window.

"Why would you ask, Bells? He's just a kid. He was born when you were nine, no, ten. Are you thinking of buying one of his pictures?"

"Maybe. I think he is a friend of Rose's and she may be thinking of including him in some of her dinner parties and such. I just wondered if he was an okay guy, that's all."

"Well, I have known him forever. He was the reason Billy Black didn't curl up and die when his wife died. He had a boy to raise. Jake's always been a good son. He bought his father a new truck when he sold his first lot of pictures. And he had a new house built for Billy once he got all famous and fancy folk wanted his stuff on their walls. More money than sense, I always think. Who pays ten grand for something a kid in nursery school could scribble? I was always happy with just your childhood efforts on my walls."

"But he's not..weird or anything?"

"Weird? No. He's a pretty ordinary guy. Hasn't let fame go to his head. Though he might be one of those...you know. I have never seen him with a girlfriend."

"Maybe he likes keeping his personal life to himself?" I suggested.

"Well he did say those gutter photographers are always trying to get photos of him with women so maybe he does just keep things behind closed doors. Maybe he thinks his business is just that...his business."

I sincerely hoped that was true.

xxxx

As it turned out, the Cullen's were out shopping as Esme decided Scarlett needed an entire new wardrobe to wear in England, and Sue Clearwater their housekeeper was busy upstairs so I had Scarlett all to myself anyway. Charlie wandered off, no doubt looking for Sue to beg her for a coffee.

"Was Oxford your idea?" I asked her straight out.

"Of course it was. As soon as I moved in Carlisle started tutoring me because he felt my teachers were not challenging me enough in class, then he enrolled me in the private school so I would have more options once I graduated.

I loved the extra work. I was so bored at school before that. You do know I remember everything I read, even once, right?"

"I do know. Sometimes I wish your brain wasn't so all absorbing. I wish you could forget the bad years. Your father and I did try to do our best for you, you know."

Scarlett put her arms around me.

"I never doubted that but I also knew if I was to have any hope of getting into Oxford, I needed to live here.

Sure I loved this house and my own set of rooms and all that but it was vital for Grandad Carlisle to help me and teach me everything he knew to give me enough of an edge to qualify for a place.

Don't ever think they tried to influence me. I made all my own choices. You always said you wanted what was best for me. This is it.

I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately but there was so much to arrange. It will be worth it in the end, when I come home with a degree in medical science. I want to be there making discoveries and curing diseases, Mom. Maybe I will save your life one day."

"If you save anyone's life it will be worth it," I agreed.

"You should go. Carlisle and Esme think you don't know about this and they want to see your face when you find out so try and pretend to be surprised and to be happy for me."

"I am happy for you, don't doubt that. Just a little sad because I will hardly see you. I will miss you. I have so few people in my life that I love and now one of them will be living overseas. It's going to be lonely without you."

"Well, I guess that's the price you have to pay. You chose to leave Daddy."

"Scarlett, I know you don't understand why I did that but at the time I just couldn't cope any more.

Sometimes you have to leave to save what little there is left. I didn't want to stay and end up hating your father. That is the way it was headed and you know I will always love him just like I will always love you.

You two are my family. When you are older you will understand that in life, you can't always have the things you want the most. I wanted us to be together, and to be happy, and it didn't work out that way.

Edward and I were very happy at first but sometimes life can grind you down and squeeze out all of the joy and that is what happened. Sometimes you have to walk away to save yourself."

"And that's what I am doing. Go, Mom. I don't want them to find you here."

I hugged her hurriedly and went to find Charlie.

It wasn't hard. As usual he was in the kitchen drinking coffee and eating cake and chatting to Sue.

"Hi Sue. I see you have made Dad's favourite cake again. Dad...We need to leave now."

xxxx

EPOV

"Why can't I come? I think it's rude of your parents to not invite me as well. If it's a family occasion then why wouldn't they want me there? I am practically family," Tanya protested.

I blinked at that last sentence.

Maybe Mother had made promises to Tanya that I was not party to. Why was I surprised?

Mom had possibly already ordered some designer to make Tanya a wedding gown.

"It's no good asking me. You know my Mom decides these things and we all just hear and obey. She wants us to go to dinner with them as usual this Friday. Be content with that."

"But this feels like I am being left out and that is not right."

I stopped trying to tie my tie and turned to her.

"Okay, this is obviously my parents way of letting Bella know as far as they are concerned, it's all over. It's the death of what we had together. It's twenty years since she and I became a serious couple and we were inseparable for so many of those early years. Mom and Dad never liked the fact that I loved Bella and I put her ahead of them. I loved her and I didn't need them.

They wanted us to live in the cottage but it would have been them keeping me a child and never letting me grow up.

You know what they are like.

Mom would have taken Scarlett away from the day she was born if she could have. She would have offered to mind the baby while we went to work, and then she would have just gradually taken her over.

She had a nursery set up in their house the day she realized we were not going to obey her and have the pregnancy terminated. If there is anything my Mother is, it's adaptable. Plan B stared the day Plan A was given up on as futile.

I knew what she wanted to do. First she would just mind the baby while Bella and I were at work, then it would have been 'Oh the baby is asleep, just leave her here tonight' and then 'the baby has a little case of the sniffles, your father wants to keep an eye on her so leave her here this week' and inside a month, Mom would have stolen Scarlett away completely.

There is a reason my sister lives in London and never comes home.

Bree knows it is the only way to have any say in how she leads her life.

I kept Carlisle and Esme out of our lives as much as I could because I didn't want them taking over and turning everything to shit, but as it turned out, I made that happen myself.

This is their way of making sure my wife knows the chapter is closed.

Scarlett is completely theirs now, and neither Bella nor I can do anything to change that.

Okay? It's Goodbye. It's 'This family you and Edward so foolishly created is gone, as if it never existed.'

You are not part of that and you should be glad you don't have to be there."

"Will you be sleeping here tonight?" Tanya asked crossly.

"I think in the circumstances, I will sleep at my house. I don't think I will be very good company tonight. For some reason I always seem a little angry when I spend time with my parents. Go figure."

xxxx

I parked my car and reached into my pocket for the flask inside and took a long drink. Alcohol always seems like a good thing before facing my parents. I sighed.

Despite everything I had done to avoid this very situation, it had happened anyway. All my fighting had been for nothing. Looking back, I may as well have agreed to us living in the cottage and letting my parents run our lives because this is how it was always going to end.

They had watched us fall apart and taken Scarlett away and that's exactly what they wanted from the start.

But we resisted for ten years.

We fought the good fight for ten long hard years, and I am proud of that.

Bella doesn't understand why I made the decisions I made, when it meant we went without so much but one thing growing up with Carlisle and Esme taught me is that possessions are nothing more than pretty shiny toys, and love is everything.

If Bella and I could have lived on love we would have made it, and been the richest family in the universe.

My eyes were adapting to the dark outside the car and I suddenly realized there was a figure huddled in the porch outside the front door.

Of course. Bella had arrived before the time dictated and wasn't game to knock until exactly eight.

I shut my door silently and walked over to her.

"I...it's only..." she stuttered.

"I know. We have what, seventeen minutes left before the execution," I replied grimly. "Bella, you don't know how sorry I am..."

"I do. If there is one thing I do know, it's how sorry you are and how you never wanted this. Neither did , and I am so sorry I walked away. I should have stayed and fought on, but I was just so tired," she cried, tears running down her cheeks.

I took her into my arms and wiped the tears away with my thumb.

"Come on Baby, be brave. They have won but don't let them see tears. Don't give them the satisfaction. You have to stand in there and act your heart out. I always said you should have been an actress. This will be your greatest role. Pretend this is what we wanted, okay? It's going to happen anyway so make them think this is what we wanted, too and it will take a bit of the joy of victory out of it for them."

She bit her lip and nodded, dashing the tears from her eyes.

I stood in front of her and held my hands on her shoulders and rested my forehead against hers.

"I'm so, so sorry Bella. More than I can say. I thought I could stand up to them and beat them. I know, that was ridiculous and never going to happen, but I did try. I tried my best. I just did everything wrong and I let you down and I let Scarlett down. I let her slip away from us and then I let everything fall apart. If we could go back, I would have taken you so far away that day when you told me you were carrying our baby. I would have taken you to...Alaska...anywhere far from here. We would have made it if we had just gotten out of their reaches."

Bella pushed away my hands and threw her arms around my torso and we stood there, her weeping against my chest as I cried into her hair. It felt horrible and sad and pathetic and I never felt more like a loser in my life but it also felt amazing to have her back where she belonged, in my arms.

I tried not to allow myself to feel anything but it was impossible.

Here I was holding on for dear life to the only girl I had ever loved, and that I loved still and would always love and I had ruined her. I had broken her and everything I had done to her had led to this moment and I still couldn't change a thing.

"Come home with me tonight. I just need to say Goodbye to you properly," I begged.

Bella nodded and stepped back.

"Okay. No more tears," I pleaded and smoothed my palms over her cheeks. "Chin up. They have done their worse, there's nothing left for them to spoil or take away from us now. Let's walk in there and annoy the shit out of them by letting them see they may have won but they didn't kill us."

Bella laughed weakly and ran her own hands over my face. I pulled the flask out again and handed it to her.

"Drink up. It might help."

We finished the spirits together and I felt it burn all the way down,

Then I stood up straight, ran a hand through my hair and saluted the door.

"Once more, into the fray, into the last good fight I will ever know, to live and die on this day, to live and die on this day."

Bella reached forward and rang the doorbell and we walked in, side by side, proud and tall, to the firing squad, to our final doom.

xxxx

I have never been so proud in my life.

Bella faked surprise, delight, took Scarlett into her arms and kissed her cheeks and told her she was so proud of our daughter's achievements; **thanked **the Devil and his mistress for all their help in guiding Scarlett to this wonderful opportunity, accepted a glass of champagne from my bewildered mother and confused father, and she even suggested a toast to the future.

She avoided my eyes completely and played the room, oohing and aahing on cue at our daughter's new outfits and shoes all laid out on display, exclaimed how lucky Scarlett was, and even managed to push the food around her plate at dinner to make it look like she had eaten something.

Finally we said our 'Good Nights' and escaped.

The moment the door closed she turned to me and for some reason, we both broke into laughter. I had been expecting her to crash and wilt and cry but she grabbed my hands and next thing I felt her lips on mine and I quickly recovered and kissed her back, long and hard.

It was a small victory, a useless victory and the war was lost a long time ago, but we had stood up in the face of defeat and pissed off my parents, so it was bittersweet.

"Come on, we need something real to drink," I stated and we ran hand in hand towards my car. I paused.

"Where's your car? Where did you park it?"

"I left it on the cliffs at La Push. Jacob drove me here."

"Hmm. You left it on the cliffs. All alone, unprotected. Anything could happen to a poor defenseless car on a clifftop. If I were to promise to buy you a new car do you think we could..."

"Push the fucker off the cliffs into the sea?" she laughed, catching on. "Let's do it. Let's teach the bitch to swim!"

For some reason it was insanely funny to see the vehicle that had been the very last straw in killing our marriage fall into the raging surf below and smash to pieces on the rocks.

It was nice to return the compliment.

It killed us; we killed it.

The two of us danced a victory dance, whooping and laughing and then I realized it was actually motherfucking freezing cold out there, and I grabbed Bella's hand and we ran up the path to my house.

Bella went quiet as she walked inside.

"Can I?"

"Sure. Let me take you on a guided tour."

She said very little as we went from room to room, from floor to floor, but she ran her hand over the carved banister rail on the staircase and smiled.

"It's handcarved from a driftwood tree that washed up on the shore. It just seemed to be the most pretentious item I could think of, so I paid Billy Black to carve it for me. It's hard to explain why. I don't really know myself. It's like 'well, I used to have nothing, but look at this, now I have a fucking hand carved rail on my stairs, so fuck you'."

Bella burst out laughing.

I guess she was the one person in the world who understood.

When she stopped she raised her eyebrows.

"So where is this alcohol you promised me?"

xxxx

We sat huddled together, wrapped in a blanket on the upstairs balcony overlooking the beach.

The level in the bottle of Jack Daniels was maybe at half mast.

For an hour or so neither of us said anything. We just gazed at the stars and the sea, and Bella rested her head against my chest and I rested my chin on top of her head.

I knew this was Goodbye and so did she but neither of us were in a hurry.

"Hey, we didn't toast the car," she said suddenly.

We stood together against the railing and raised our glasses to the remains of her car and she wobbled a little as she tried to walk inside.

I scooped her into my arms and she looked up into my eyes. I saw everything there. Pain, sorrow, regret, but also victory, memories, happiness.

Then I saw something more. Something shocking.

It looked like love.

I shook my head to clear my befuddled brain.

No doubt I had imagined it. I had wanted to see it so I had superimposed it into her eyes.

"Don't you dare drop me. Take me to bed, Cullen."

Her words snapped me back.

I lay her on top of the covers and went back to close the sliding doors and crank up the heating.

Bella was peeling her clothes off so I followed her lead and we climbed beneath the covers. She immediately wriggled into the position she had slept in whenever we had shared a bed. My arm around her shoulders, her head against my chest, listening to my heart beating.

Without thinking I reached down and hitched her leg over my pelvis. It was automatic, just what I had always done.

She didn't object or react at all, and we fell asleep together, half sozzled, defeated but alive.

xxxx

Sometime in the night I felt something shaking gently beside me. It took a few minutes to recall where I was, who I was with, and then it registered in my brain that Bella was weeping.

Without a word I sealed my lips over hers and pulled her around, under me. She opened her legs and I slid inside her warmth and gave her what little comfort I could.

She felt like home.

We had always tried to comfort one another this way when things got fraught.

It was all too little, too late, but we had this night. Nothing could take it away from us.

We made love until neither of us could manage to do it again and then I spooned her little body against mine and we slept.

xxxx

Morning arrived and for a moment it was like back in the early days of our marriage. I lay in bed with my eyes closed, listening to Bella preparing breakfast in my kitchen. I could hear her cursing softly as she tried to find the omelette skillet.

"Who needs twenty pans? That's just stupid. And where's the skillet? Everyone has a skillet. This is just crazy."

I jumped out of bed.

As I walked downstairs, I ran my hand over the wood of the rail where she had run her own hand last night, and smiled.

Bella was in my house.

Then it hit me.

Bella was in my house.

And now I would never live here again.

Once she left the place would echo with her absence and drive me insane. I would see her everywhere, just like I did after she left the little apartment over the Post Office.

There was no way I was going back to that kind of life, sitting up alone all night, chatting to the ghost of a woman who had left me.

I decided there and then instead of buying her an apartment as Rosalie had suggested, I would simply have this house transferred into her name.

"Edward, where is the omelette pan?" she asked, kneeling on my kitchen floor surrounded by pans of every size and shape.

"It's at Tanya's. She doesn't own any decent cookware so I took it there a while ago."

"Fine. So what do I cook our breakfast in?" she asked.

"We could go to the diner," I suggested.

"Okay, good. But first you need to wash my hair," she replied, standing up, gathering the tangled mess of brown locks in her hand. This had always been my 'punishment' for turning her tresses into a rats nest after a night of passion.

I followed her upstairs and she examined my shampoo and conditioner and shrugged, so I expect she was okay with the brand.

Standing behind her in the shower should have had the usual effect that happens to any man sharing an enclosed glass cubicle with a naked woman, but it didn't. It wasn't like that. We weren't like that.

Last night had not been about sex at all.

I washed her hair and rinsed it until the water ran clear and she stepped out and dried herself.

"Oh great. Yesterday's clothes," she grimaced.

"There are some of your old clothes in the back of my closet," I replied.

Bella seemed to find that quite normal, and she went to the walk in robe and grabbed a pair of jeans and a Tshirt and hoodie, and got dressed.

By the time I was dressed, she was brushing out her hair. I got the hair dryer out and plugged it in and beckoned her closer, and dried her hair.

"I am going to guess you don't have a hair straightener," she said, and I agreed.

"No, I don't. Sorry."

She shrugged, and twisted her hair up into a bun, then walked downstairs and helped herself to a pair of chopsticks from my kitchen drawer and secured it with them.

"So, breakfast. Your treat," she announced and walked out to my car.

xxxx

We were still sitting at the table eating when Bella's phone buzzed.

"It's Jacob. We arranged to go hiking in the forest. He wants to paint something local. I was thinking of that clearing we used to go to."

I shook my head.

"No."

"No? Okay. Then where?"

"Why doesn't he do the view from the clifftops?"

"Possibly because hooligans dump their cars over the cliffs into the water and ruin the view."

I shrugged.

The waitress was a girl we had gone to High School with, Jessica Stanley. She had been standing at the counter, watching our every move, searching for clues to gossip about no doubt.

Bella and I had not touched one another.

Jessica walked over and refilled our coffee cups as Bella answered her cell phone.

"Hi. Sure. I'm at the diner. Pick me up. I will have to go home first and get my boots. Okay. Bye. See you."

I asked Jess for the check, and paid while Bella drank her coffee.

"So, what are you doing today?" she asked me.

"I think I may have to spend the day doing whatever Tanya chooses or I will be in her bad books. So probably sitting outside change rooms while she buys another dozen frocks she will never wear."

Bella laughed.

"Oh that sounds like fun. I think I got the better deal then."

"You say that, but remember how you broke your leg falling over a tree root on that hike we did? Yeah. Fun. I had to carry you down the mountain to the car."

"Then I guess I am lucky Jake is build like Emmett and won't notice my weight," she grinned.

Jake arrived in a shiny black Porsche and Bella smiled and raised her eyebrows at me.

"Don't think I have forgotten your promise. You owe me a car, Edward."

"No problem. Do you want to choose it yourself?"

"Naw. I trust your good taste. Nothing too flashy. It's bad enough everyone will look when Jake drives me around in this heap," she said, pointing her thumb at Jake's vehicle.

Jake walked over and offered me his hand, so I shook it.

"So, was last night as bad as she feared?" he asked me.

I nodded.

"In a way. It was rough, but you know Bella. She stood up to them like a champ. Have fun today and if she breaks her leg, leave her there. The wolves will clean up any mess."

"Good to know," Jake replied, ruffling Bella's hair and earning himself a slap.

"Bye Edward and Bella," Jessica called from the doorway. "Nice to see you two back together again."

Bella laughed.

"We do have a child together, Jess. And we were married for ten years. Yes, we talk. We do breakfast. Edward is even buying me a new car so spread that around. Come on, Jake."

I waved as they drove away and tossed Jessica's tip onto the table.

My cell rang and I knew without looking who it was.

"Good morning Tanya. So, are we going to Port Angeles to visit every dress shop there today? Yes, I clearly must be psychic."


	5. Chapter 5

It Aint Over

Chapter 5

EPOV

Nothing had changed.

Bella was better off without me and Jacob Black may prove to be the better man, I told myself.

We'd moved on.

It was a good thing.

I trailed around two steps behind Tanya as she shopped and tried to listen to her chatter but she didn't seem to notice that my mind was elsewhere. By coincidence we 'bumped into' Esme and the two women spend hours comparing dress styles in a bridal boutique but I was happy to sit outside and just remember the night before.

It had been one amazing Goodbye, and something I would never forget. By closing my eyes I could replay every move, every kiss, every moment. I felt my lips curl into a smile and rubbed my finger across them.

Bella had been the last person to kiss these lips.

I hadn't bothered combing my hair and could almost feel her fingers still there, still touching my scalp. Still gently pulling my hair to make me make love to her harder. Everything she did had excited me.

The first time it had been gentle and sad and nothing more than comfort but then things had gotten a little crazy. It was like our bodies had recognized and remembered, and wanted to replay the highlights; the best of us.

The nights when we had found the time and energy to keep our love strong and show one another without words what we had shared. Maybe somehow the memo informing those bodies that things were different now had become lost in the mail.

They had rejoiced in being together again and we had gone along for the ride.

And what a ride it had been.

Esme walked outside and broke the spell.

"What are you grinning about?" she asked quietly, her eyes darting back to check through the store window where Tanya was encased in some imitation of a large white meringue. "Edward, you haven't been seeing another woman, have you?"

"When would I even find the time?," I replied.

I think we three even had lunch together but I couldn't swear to that in court.

I seemed to be in another world, adjacent to theirs, and nothing that happened in their world affected mine. I was a spectator though I noticed little.

Tanya assumed I was just weary from the outing and thus excused my lack of interest as she rehashed every conversation she and my Mother had shared that evening.

I cooked dinner like a robot, present but removed somehow, and even sat down opposite her at her dining table and ate.

It wasn't until darkness hit and she took a shower that reality started to take over.

"Edward, want to come join me?" she called from her bathroom and suddenly the idea of even seeing her naked seemed both wrong and the last thing I wanted.

I shouted back that I was cleaning the kitchen but knew that chore would only protect me for a few minutes.

What was wrong with me?

Nothing had changed.

Bella and I had spent one single night together after barely speaking for seven years.

She had wanted it that way. A clean break.

A chance to heal and get to a place where it might be possible to actually create new, better lives for ourselves.

What a joke.

If that half life we had lived apart was all that was on offer, why bother?

Scarlett was the only one who kept me going back then.

The knowledge I had to keep fighting to try and get her back. The knowledge that if I didn't stay alive and stay around, my parents would completely cut Bella out of her daughter's life. They had tried.

They wanted to send her to a Swiss boarding school but I had to sign the papers and I refused.

They tried a thousand times to convince me to consenting to make them her legal guardians, and I had laughed in their faces and told them it would be a very cold day in Hell before that happened.

They almost took me to court but Jay Jenks had warned them the Judge would probably throw out the case and, I suspect, maybe even order Scarlett to return to my care.

At the time I was studying, attending medical school and working at a full time job so there had been no point demanding her custody. I was never home.

Bella was working and looking after Charlie, who had just about had a breakdown over the guilt he felt for not being there for us from the start.

It wasn't his fault and I had no animosity towards him.

Our crisis had been secondary in his world to his own. Renee had left him the very day Bella and I married, and his sole purpose in life had been to try and win her back.

He'd chased after her, following her wherever she went, funding these flights with his life savings until they were gone.

His house was his only remaining asset so it had been rented out to strangers, and he needed that income to fund his own living expenses.

He had not been here to see our struggle to survive and of course Bella had never let on how dire our circumstances were.

Her Father's weekly call was her first acting role, as she listened to his tale of woe and tried to be his emotional support system, all the while pretending everything in our lives was fine. Back then Charlie honestly had no idea how close to the wind we had sailed; how much we struggled to just keep a roof over our heads and food on the table.

He often begged Bella to fly over to wherever he was living at the time so he could spend time with her and his granddaughter.

What a joke.

We could have barely managed to afford the petrol to visit him had he remained here in his house on the other side of town.

Bella constantly assured him we were fine and would manage without him. He needed to fight for his wife, and his former life, and he just had nothing left to offer us, even if he had known the truth.

Naturally Bella wanted her parents to reconcile. We had made our own bed and now we had to lie in it as best we could manage. We were not his problem. He had handed his daughter's hand to me in good faith, sure I could always provide her with everything she would need.

Why not?

Unlike him, my parents had money and plenty of it. Why would he even suspect any money from them needed to be paid back a dozen times over, in their currency.

They'd never accept mere money as repayment even if I had found a way to earn more.

They wanted Scarlett.

What if he had come home and seen our life, and our schedules, and seen how little we were physically together?

Even he may have considered Scarlett would be better off with my parents who were forever offering to 'lighten our load' by taking the baby to 'stay with them for a short while' that I knew meant forever.

Bella had pleaded with me to let them help in this way so we could both work more and save more and reach a time when we could afford to live like a normal couple, with Daddy at work nine to five and Mommy at home with the baby, and his wage and their savings would be enough to allow some real family togetherness at least until Baby went to school, when Mommy could work again.

But Esme and Carlisle were not not offering help, they were merely hiding their real intent behind a facade of kindness.

They wanted our daughter to replace their own who had flown the coop and remained out of their reach.

For years none of us knew where Bree was even living, or indeed, if she was alive.

She cut them off completely after the almost marriage to Aro Volturi, and good for her. I would have done the same had there been any way to do so.

So we had been all alone and barely getting by. Extra shifts kept us apart but also kept our heads just slightly above water.

"Edward, come here. I have something for you," Tanya cooed from the bedroom.

I walked to the door, trying to remember our night of passion and use it to eclipse last night, as the new memories were taking over. I'd never manage to move on if something didn't distract me from the hours Bella had spent in my arms.

"You have a new nightdress," I stated when I saw my so called girlfriend lying across the bed.

"You helped me pick it out today, remember," she replied, looking confused.

"I did?"

"Edward, where is your head? You have been out of it all day. Esme said your mind is filled with all the things we need to do to be ready for our engagement party. Is that true?"

Engagement?

Did I look like a man ready to become engaged to a woman who was still little more than a stranger to me?

Tanya popped a cork from the bottle of champagne that had been sitting on the table beside her bed.

"Come on, take a shower and come join me," she purred.

I started at her body, and the scrap of fabric that barely concealed any of her flesh, and ran for the bathroom.

Not to shower, but to purge myself of the bitter acid rising in my throat.

I couldn't do this.

Something had changed and I could no longer deny it.

I had recklessly let Tanya become the last woman I had slept with once and it would not happen again.

I had a second chance to cherish the fact that Bella had been my last lover, and although I could never make her my only lover again, I could stop this now.

I could refuse to pretend having sex with Tanya was worth the cost.

Why had I been so afraid to be alone? Being alone was better than being with the wrong person. Being lonely in my bed had been better than lying in the wrong arms.

How had I ever thought I could do this?

Bella and I had to talk.

Sure, she may be able to pretend last night meant nothing, and she may be able to give Jacob Black a chance to replace me, but I will never be able to do the same with Tanya.

"Are you ill? I told you not to choose the fish at lunch. I did warn you, Edward. Fish always makes your stomach upset," she growled. "Now you have spoiled everything."

"I'm sorry," I replied, washing my face and drying it with a towel.

"I think I had better sleep at my house. You are right, I should avoid fish. Though it may be something else. I feel clammy and both hot and cold at once. I may be coming down with something and we don't want you to catch it."

She pouted and I hurried to the door.

Bella may be able to act but I couldn't. There was no way I could ever crawl between Tanya's covers and act like her lover ever again.

xxxx

I lay in my bed, all thoughts of sleep erased from my head as I smelt the faint aroma my wife had left behind.

Bella and I did need to talk but first I would give her a chance to bond with the black haired rival, and see if he could make her happy. I would do whatever it took to enable her to consider what he had to offer before I showed my own hand and offered her a choice.

Because a choice of only one thing is no choice at all.

xxxx

The next morning I called and set up a breakfast date at the diner, and I sat down with Tanya for an unavoidable conversation. She did not deserve to be kept in the dark.

"I'm sorry if you think I was leading you on in any way, but this is just not working for me."

Tanya looked shocked.

"Edward, what do you mean? Are we moving too fast?"

"I think trying on wedding gowns at this point is way too fast. Especially as the chances we will need one at all is remote, to say in the least."

"It's because I made you have sex, isn't it? Esme warned me you were an old fashioned guy and I shouldn't push you, but I just wanted you so badly. We can take a step back. We can forget the sex. Concentrate on building our connection. If you really do want to forget the sex..." she said, looking at me slyly.

Oh, I wanted to forget the sex. I wanted to erase it and make it never have happened.

"We are not breaking up, Edward. I won't allow it."

"If you want to delude yourself, go ahead. I have no intention of dating you, so whatever excuse you use to explain why we are never seen together had better be a pretty good one."

"But your parents are expecting an announcement," she whined.

"I will give them one. I will announce I'd rather be the spare wheel while all my friends are couples rather than date a woman I have no wish to be with, now or ever. I'm sorry it came to this but you leave me no choice. I'll collect whatever belongings are at your place and we can remain friends if you want, but do not think I will ever want to be anything more than that. If you think you can change my mind, then it will be better to stay away from one another completely. I don't care either way."

Living alone had been hard but living a lie would be way harder and I didn't even want to do that.

Tanya had been a mistake.

My first and hopefully, my only.

Better a life alone than a life with a woman I had no feelings for. Emmett had been so right. It was never Tanya. Any girl could have curled up beside me after drought breaking sex and been attractive to me.

Even Rosalie.

I shuddered.

Okay, maybe not.

But it had not been about me wanting to begin anew with Tanya, even though I had thought that at the time.

I had used her and maybe that made me a bad person but I was not going to be an even worse human and lead her on just because Bella was out of my reach. This was over.

"We were not serious about one another, you have to admit that. It was early days and things just didn't work out."

"So you do admit you never gave us a chance? A real chance? I could have been exactly what you wanted."

"No, Tanya. That's the point. You could never be what I want because it is not you I want. Pretending otherwise is pointless. You cannot be a stand in. I am doing you a favour, even if you don't see it that way at the moment. We could pretend and fool everyone else but we cannot fool ourselves. We would both know my heart belongs to Bella and always has, and always will. Ignoring that would be stupid and wrong on so many levels.

You deserve someone who can give you his whole heart, not lend you a tiny sliver."

xxx

Rosalie's birthday party was looming and it would give me the chance to see Bella again. And give me an opportunity to observe how she interacted with Jake.

If there was anything real, no matter how embryonic, I would see it. All I had to do was gaze into Bella's eyes and it would all be written there.

She was spending every spare minute with our daughter before Scarlett left our shores.

However, opportunity knocked the very next day.

I was grocery shopping for the weekly Father/Daughter dinner night Scarlett and I shared every Wednesday, and Bella was in the same store. Not surprisingly, seeing it was the only supermarket in Forks.

At first I kept back and just watched her as she read labels and accepted or rejected each foodstuff, then we met at the fresh produce section.

"What are you planning to cook?" she asked as I frowned at the limited selection of mushrooms.

"Your mushroom lasagna. But I can't remember what was in it exactly," I lied.

"Edward, you have seen me make it a hundred times. Let me see what ingredients you have so far."

She sent me off in search of the 'right' pasta sheets, and two types of dried herbs seeing I did not even have a herb garden at my house. Then she shook her head and decided dried herbs were inadequate and offered to bring me some of her own from her herb patch.

"And I boil the pasta first, right?" I asked, keeping my face as bland as possible.

"No! My recipe has been handed down for generations and you never, ever boil... Edward, I am coming over tonight to show you how to make this dish, and you had better pay attention."

"Oh, I can promise you that I will. I'll watch your every move," I promised.

"So," I added as an afterthought," Will Jake be joining us for our Master Chef class?"

"No. He has a showing in Seattle and has to be there for it. I couldn't go with him, not with Scarlett leaving so soon. I have to spend whatever spare time there is left with her. Jake can wait."

Music to my ears.

I chopped and diced and followed instructions to the letter as Bella supervised the cooking of a dish I had made possibly more often than she had, and by the time our daughter arrived, it was ready to eat and the whole kitchen was filled with it's aroma.

I heard Scarlett open the front door and tried to get up from the table where Bella and I were sharing a bottle of red wine while she noted down the key points in mushroom lasagna making, but too late.

"Yum. I know you always say Mom makes this dish the best but I think you make it even better than she does. I guess the fact you cook it at least twice a week...Mom! What are you doing here? Is this a family dinner? Great. Wait until you see the shoes Esme bought me today, they are to die for. I know Dad thinks shoes are just shoes but you...oh no, how could I forget? You don't care about brands either, do you?"

She sighed and sat down next to her mother, who threw me an amused look before turning her full attention to our child.

xxxx

The evening was fun, and livelier than usual. Our daughter wanted to play every game we had ever played with her. My parents had bought her dozens of them over the years and we'd played them whenever Scarlett was with us. We progressed through Clue and Scrabble to Twister. Bella fell down a lot in the last game and I managed to banish memories of Naked Twister, our own adult version only played when Scarlett was back at the Cullen Estate.

Scarlett was clearly looking forward to going to London and we even got caught up in her excitement. Maybe it had all worked out for the best. We could never have afforded the private education that led to this opportunity for her ourselves. Maybe she would grow away from my parents once their constant presence was no longer there, shadowing her every step.

Maybe she would mature and become as independent as her own mother and not need anyone.

"What a wonderful age to be," Bella said after our daughter had spoken about how much she was looking forward to this next stage of her life. "You forget how passionate you are about everything when you are seventeen."

Scarlett giggled.

"But you two were pretty passionate about one another. Surely you haven't forgotten that?"

Bella smiled.

"I will never forget. There's always something reminding me," she said, grinning at me.

I feigned innocence.

"Yes, sometimes the memories just wash over you and it's like it was only yesterday," Bella added.

"Some things are too good to forget," I agreed.

"Do you remember the night I was born?" Scarlett asked.

"Of course. It was one of the best nights of our life. Seeing this tiny but perfect little human emerging from your mother's body is something I could never forget. It was incredible. We knew it happened to people every single day and it was how everyone got here but seeing your own little baby be born is the most amazing experience you will ever have," I replied.

"You slid out straight into my hands and I knew in that moment that somehow, some way, I would become a doctor. I might never get to experience the thrill of seeing another child of mine born but I could be there when other couples became proper families. Having a baby gives you something to fight for.

It's the moment you know your wants and needs will never come first ever again, ahead of the needs of that precious infant."

"Just like the day we got married and you promised the same thing to me," Bella replied softly.

"I'm sorry I let you both down," I stated.

"You didn't, Daddy. I know you both did your best, and I know if I hadn't been born when you two were so young, you would be together today. I spoiled your marriage. I tried to give you a chance to be happy together again by staying with Esme and Carlisle, but it didn't work, did it? Me living with them seemed like the best thing but I broke us all apart, didn't I?"

"Scarlett, never think that. We were the adults and we failed you," Bella said soothingly, taking Scarlett into her arms.

"But you weren't, were you? You were both my age and you had a baby. I can't even keep my bedroom tidy and you two had to work and care for an infant. I can't imagine how hard your life was."

"It was hard but it was beautiful. We have never regretted having you for a single moment," Bella assured her. "Obviously had we been older and better prepared the end would have been very different, but life just throws you a curve ball sometimes and you have to try and adapt as best you can.

Just never rush into anything without thinking it through first. Consider what you are doing, and every consequence of your actions before you say or do something that can't be undone. Don't solve a temporary problem with a permanent solution until you step back and allow yourself to see what you are throwing away."

We ate dinner and the evening wore on too quickly.

Scarlett fell asleep on the sofa and Bella and I watched her sleep.

It was nice. Companionable. We enjoyed one another's presence.

Neither of us were planning a repeat of what had happened, but still, it was nice just to have her all to myself. Just to talk. Reminisce. There had been good times, happy days, special memories created. I wanted to hang on to those and also seal them into Bella's mind so she wouldn't look back and only recall the bad times.

Of course we had discussed all the child friendly memories with our daughter, but there had been some adult only events I could not get out of my head, and I wondered if it was the same for Bella.

I wanted to hand over the keys to her new car but not here, not tonight. She would take them and leave.

I had inherited a trust fund from my late maternal grandparents on my thirtieth birthday and had tried to get Bella to accept half, even though we were divorced by then. I can't help but despair that I hadn't come into the fortune when I turned eighteen, or even twenty one. It would have saved us.

It had allowed me to make a new life for myself but not the life I wanted.

Naturally she had taken her revenge on me for not taking money from Carlisle, by refusing to accept a single penny from me.

Scarlett was sleeping so soundly we decided she could sleep right there where she was. I put on coffee as a way to make Bella stay a little longer.

She tidied the kitchen, stacking the dishes we had used into the dishwasher, and I cleaned the counter tops, then I poured the hot brew into cups and handed hers to her.

"Should we sit out on your balcony and drink these so we don't disturb our daughter?" she suggested. "Edward, why did you only build one balcony? Off your bedroom? It must be a little inconvenient. Why not one off the upstairs sitting room as well? That is the obvious spot."

"I guess I didn't think the design through properly," I replied. "I'm sure next time I will do better."

I grabbed a couple of Scarlett's patchwork Indian floor cushions off the loungeroom floor and took them up with us. They were not the most comfortable seats in the world, with all the heavy embroidery; not to mention the sequins and tiny mirrors sewn all over their surfaces.

"Are you okay?" I asked as she sat there looking down over the beach, her coffee seemingly forgotten as it cooled in her hands.

"Sure. Endings are never easy. I know she isn't leaving for a few more days but it still feels like everything has changed now. Like she has already gone. Maybe because it will be a long time before we are together again, just us three. Just our family. I'm going to miss her so much I don't know how I will stand it. I know you will too. No more Wednesday night dinners."

"You could come and eat with me. We could catch up on each other's lives and talk about our daughter and share whatever news we have heard from her. Compare emails."

"Maybe. Edward, do you consider what we did was wrong?"

I knew exactly what she was referring to and didn't pretend to misunderstand.

"No. How could it be wrong? We have always reacted to stress that way, and it was a very stressful night. We haven't spent any time together since the divorce so naturally we haven't created new methods of helping one another when things get out of control. We just did what we had always done without thought. Do you think it was wrong?"

She shrugged.

"It doesn't feel wrong. But if Jake or Tanya had done the same with their exes, would we see it that way? Or would it seem like a betrayal?"

"Does Jake know?" I asked her. I couldn't care less if Tanya had been still sleeping with every guy she had ever slept with in her past.

"No. I am never going to tell anyone. I'm not ashamed, and I don't even regret it, because I don't know how else I would have gotten through that night but we can't let it happen again. We are different people now. Seven years apart. We can't erase those years and just pretend they never happened."

"I guess not," I replied sadly, because I really thought we could try to.

"Jake and Tanya seem like good people. You never know, one day we might even find happiness with them. Or someone else. I guess Scarlett leaving means we have no reason to hold on to the past. It's new beginnings all round. We can be friends again but not at the expense of not moving on. We can't be one another's security blankets. We are adults now."

"What do you regret, Bella? Be honest. Scarlett can't hear us."

"I was speaking the truth when I said I have never regretted having her. At first I thought having an abortion would be nothing much. Just a way to give us more time to grow up and decided for ourselves if we really wanted to be together forever. If we wanted kids at all. Even if you would still want me when you came back from college, presuming you didn't meet some pretty English girl and marry her.

Who knows? What we had was special and I did think maybe we could last forever despite everything but I was wrong. I regret that. I regret that there were so many hurdles put in front of us. I regret that I couldn't jump the last one. I regret a lot but I guess everyone has regrets. Life rarely works out like you think it will.

Look at Charlie.

Married for eighteen years and to Renee, it was just what you did when you had a child together. You stayed and you raised that child and then the moment she left home, you ran off and did whatever you wanted because the responsibility was over. You don't even pretend you stayed out of choice.

I know what I did was no better.

Even though I know ending us was my decision, I don't know that if we could go back that I would make a different choice. We were in a bad place and getting worse by the day.

You were always angry, always fighting with your parents; always trying to find a way that we three could be together again and there was no way, Edward. There was no way.

I thought if we went and lived in their cottage it might be easier but you wouldn't consider that. I understand why, now.

It's almost funny that I wanted to run right into Esme's web and hand my child to her on a plate by doing so, but back then I did not see them clearly. I saw the smiling faces and heard the offers you repeatedly spurned, and to me, you were the one making things impossible.

I even thought you wanted out but just didn't want to be the one who said the words.

You were rarely happy.

I know we were tired and stressed but I did think by Scarlett staying with her grandparents for a while we would be able to work out what we wanted, and face the truth, then either just part or else work harder towards saving what we had, but it just didn't happen.

There's nobody to blame.

I don't blame you and I don't blame Scarlett and I don't think I even blame myself any more. We just didn't work.

Love couldn't pay the bills.

I will always love you both, but I refuse to let that stand in the way of moving on. Surely if you really try hard enough, you can love another person just as much. I don't know if Jake is that person, I admit that now. But surely someone is, Edward. Otherwise why do I feel like my heart is filled with love and I have nobody to give that love to? It can't be wasted."

"I agree it can't be wasted but just promise me one thing. Please."

"I will if I can. What do you want me to promise?"

"Before you make any serious commitment to Jake or anyone else, that you will consider maybe we are not done yet. That maybe we still have something that could be built on again. Okay?"

She looked surprised.

"You cannot seriously want to go back to what we had, what little we had by the end?"

"No. But I would like to know for sure that we are really over and that there is nothing left to revive or add to. I can't seem to get you out of my heart."

"Maybe because I like being in there. I will promise you this. If I ever think I am good for you, I will come back."

"The door will be open," I promised her.

xxxxx


	6. Chapter 6

BPOV

Rosalie has always been my sounding board. For better or worse, she always speaks plainly, from the heart and tells it like it is, not like we may wish it was.

We'd spent the day with Scarlett so her Godmother could say Goodbye in her own way...by letting my daughter choose whatever she wanted, something special, that Rose would pay for without blinking an eye at the cost.

Scarlett had gone off by herself to find such a treasure so we sat down to have a coffee and wait her return.

"Do you think it's true that you can't go back?" I asked her.

"Pretty much. If you wanted to be with someone you once were with, don't you think you would never have broken up?" she replied, her eyes searching for why I was asking.

She paused and looked incredulous.

"Not Edward? You two were so unhappy by the end. Tell me you are not considering going down that road again?"

I shrugged.

"All I know is that I have never felt for anyone else what I felt for him."

"Maybe because you never dated anyone else. Did that ever occur to you?"

"Rose, I was knocked up at seventeen. Hardly the doorway to spreading myself about and dating other guys."

"I know that. But since the divorce there has not been any real reason not to get out there and see what is on offer. You date enough frogs, a prince might come along."

"You are the one who bitched for years about kissing toads. Why would I want that?"

"It worked for me. I wouldn't be with Emmett today if I hadn't kept trying. Emmett is man amazing man and well worth everything I went through to find him. Sometimes the prize is worth the search."

I knew Emmett was a good guy. He had been Edward's best friend since childhood, and he had helped us out so many times when we needed it desperately. Once he graduated and got a job, he would always bring something with him when he visited.

Beer, naturally, but also things we needed. Bread and milk. Vegetables from his mother's garden.

He always handed them over with the same excuse.

"I thought you two might have been too busy to shop so I grabbed a couple of things. Oh, Mom had way too many vegetables all ripen at once, so I said I'd give some to you guys. You never complain about the undersized or misshapen specimens that she could never sell on her market stall."

He even brought meat. Often the only meat we ate that week. Our 'meat' usually had the word 'product' attached. Emmett would arrive and slam a fat parcel of steak on the dining table and announce that Edward and I were 'a little too vegetarian' for his taste so he brought his own meat. Usually enough for a couple of barbeques plus enough left over to ration and stretch out in stews and soups for a fortnight.

Rosalie had helped us too. Whenever the offer for an extra shift came up and meant neither Edward or I would be home with Scarlett, Rose would babysit for free, if it was an evening or night shift and she wasn't at school. Looking back I can see she tried to be there at those times so I wouldn't hand the baby over to Esme, who was always willing to babysit, unless it was unavoidable.

She and Emmett are a perfect match and we should have all seen that from the start, but she had turned her attention to Royce.

Unlike Emmett, Royce was all glitter and sparkle, where Emmett was quiet and solid and dependable.

Royce always arrived to take her out with flowers and chocolates and exaggerated compliments, which unfortunately was the way he treated all the other girls he visited behind Rose's back. They do say empty vessels make the most noise and in his case it was true.

He was all 'Rose I can't live without you, I miss you so much the moment you leave the room, I am such a lucky man to have you,' then off he went to other womens beds.

He had certainly been Rose's share of toads all by himself.

"Dating non starters is better than the alternative," Rose continued. "Even if they are nothing like what you are looking for, they have brothers; friends. People they introduce you to who might just be suitable. You need to get out there. How do you feel about Edward these days? How does it compare to how you feel about...oh let's say...Jacob Black?:

"Jake is a wonderful guy. Okay, he is needy and he is way ahead of where I am but I can see what he is offering is not too shabby."

"He's as rich as Edward is now. There's nothing Edward could buy you that Jake couldn't, and wouldn't, in a heartbeat if you asked him to."

"But it's not about money, is it? Royce had money and it never got you what you wanted."

"You are right about that. All the Manolo's in the world could never make up for the pain he put me through."

"Tell me honestly why you don't like Edward."

Rose hesitated, then straightened her posture, putting her best assets on show.

"It's not Edward himself I don't like, it's the way I reacted when he rejected me."

"Then why blame him for that? You chose how to react. You could have just moved on."

"But I didn't. I ended up in a lot of beds I never intended to while I was trying to convince myself I really was attractive and good girlfriend material.

Bella, I asked him to the Sadie Hawkin's dance and he looked at me as if that what the most ridiculous idea on the planet. He would have reacted the same if Mrs Goff from the office had invited him.

Like the idea of dating me was unthinkable.

I couldn't handle that he saw me as so ...unworthy to even consider."

"Rose, every other guy in school wanted to date you, why did you even care about what Edward thought?"

"It wasn't because he preferred you, don't think that. I always knew you were a far better match for him than I would have been but no guy had ever refused me before. I was a kid with Daddy issues. I didn't like any male not appreciating me. My father always thought I was second best because I wasn't the son he wanted and I swore I'd never be undervalued again."

"But now you can see it was no worse than me rejecting Emmett? He has always been a great guy but there's no spark between us and never could be. I only ever wanted Edward and Emmett accepted that and never gave me a second thought. He immediately put me into the 'friend' basket and chased after someone who did fancy him.

He never thought my rejection meant he wasn't the hottest guy in school; just that my interest lay elsewhere."

"You are talking about a guy who brims with self confidence and has no issues, Bella. I was filled with insecurities back then."

"But you aren't now so why not let it go?"

"I have, to a degree. I would not have wanted the life you and Edward had. But I give credit where credit is due. He did his best. He is a good person. But Jake is also a good person.

So, money aside, how do they compare?"

"I know how I feel about Edward and it hasn't gone away. I can't explain that even to myself. One would assume after all we went through there would be nothing left. Once I realized it was him doing what was best for all of us and not being stubborn and proud, like I assumed, I guess now I see him in a different light."

"You should have talked before you walked, I did say that at the time," Rose reminded me.

"But yesterday is gone. I want to discuss now. I don't know if going back to Edward is a good idea. Mom and Dad tried to reconcile so many times and it never worked. It just dragged out the agony and kept them both hoping that maybe something would spark a fire, and you must admit, even you were glad when they finally gave up.

Mom's moved on.

Charlie spends a lot of time 'advising' Sue Clearwater on the mysteries of our road rules, far more than he does with a learner driver. He finds any excuse to go visit her at the Cullen Estate, and by coincidence she always has his favourite foods baked just in case he comes by.

Clearly they have a chance of a future together.

He could have saved himself and Renee, and everyone else a lot of pain by moving on years ago.

Going back and trying again was the wrong choice."

Rose looked exasperated.

"Bella, their story is not your story. Just because I ranted about how foolish they were to try and hang on to a lie, doesn't mean it would be that way with you and Edward."

"Why not?" I asked, sipping my coffee and scanning the passersby looking for my daughter. No doubt she would return and request something incredibly expensive and outrageous and Rose would buy it for her.

"I don't mean to sound harsh, but Charlie and Renee only married because he knocked her up. They were both young and playing the field and your conception truly was a mistake.

It should never have happened.

You know that.

You can't even pretend it was a fairy story.

The facts were, Charlie could have knocked up half a dozen girls at High School and it just so happened Renee was the one he was bonking when the condom broke.

Any of the other girls could have ended up in the same boat. But they didn't, so he 'did the right thing' and married a girl he could barely remember being with.

You and Edward were different.

It wasn't about an event that happened recklessly from a single hook up.

You two were in love, and starry eyed about one another.

I may not be his biggest fan but I never told you not to marry him, did I?

I knew you two were right together and I was gutted seeing you fall apart, because it wasn't the right way to end.

You just needed one single person on your side, and you two would be happily married today with a dozen kids and a picket fence.

All your union lacked was money, and time.

If Charlie had stayed and you had been able to live with him for a few years; if Renee hadn't taken off for parts unknown...

I wished so much there had been someone, some benevolent Good Fairy to walk in and wave her wand and give you two the things you needed.

I begged Carlisle to help you.

I could see what Esme was doing, and he just played along with her.

Okay, she lost her daughter, but whose fault was it? If she hadn't tried to run Bree's life, the girl would have stayed around.

So she thinks she can just replace Bree with Scarlett.

It was wrong and they are cruel and inhuman people."

I looked at her in shock.

"You begged Carlisle? I can't imagine that."

"Bella, all I have ever wanted for you is for you to be happy. If Edward is your choice, then I will not stand in your way. I didn't last time and I won't this time.

Just know this.

It's true you can't go back, but you can go forward.

You and Edward had something special enough to endure ten years of Hell. That has to tell you something."

"Then why push Jake at me?"

"I didn't think there was anything left with you and your ex husband. You never talked. You avoided him like the plague. Be fair.

Why wouldn't I assume the flame had gone out and you didn't want it relit?

You never told me you still had feelings for him.

I just didn't want you missing out on a second chance. You are still young. You were living life like some old widow whose life was completely behind her and now all she had left was to wait for death. If a second chance with Edward is what you really want, go for it.

You know you can love him."

"So I shouldn't even try with Jacob?"

"I don't think that would hurt. If nothing else it would allow you a comparison. Maybe it would be good to date Jake and make sure it was always Edward and not just the fact you were so obsessed with him that you never looked at any other guy.

Who knows, maybe someone new would be a better bet; maybe not. Only you can make that call."

"Now I'm completely confused."

"Then take your time and don't rush into anything. What does Scarlett think of Jake? We both know she would love you to go back to her father, but has she met Jacob? Does she hate him? Love him?"

"I don't think she is even aware he exists as anything apart from him being your famous friend. I don't want her to know anything. She is going away so I will not be putting her through what is possibly going to prove to be the first of maybe many failed romances.

I never realized she blamed herself for ruining our marriage; there's no way I'm flaunting Jake in her face. If the day comes when he and I are anything real and special, then I shall fly to England and tell her myself.

Until then, I don't want her bothered. She will just worry and be on the phone every day asking if it's working or if I want to reconcile with Edward, and she doesn't need to fret about that. It's not her problem.

It will be resolved one way or the other then I will tell her."

"Make them both work for it. May the better man win."

"I haven't been able to sleep with Jake since I slept with Edward. It feels like I'd be cheating if I did. I told him I was on my period but I can't use that excuse forever."

"It might pay to date them both but maybe consider staying out of either guys bed until you know where your head is and where your heart lies.

Hey, you don't have to have an excuse not to sleep with anyone if you don't want to. I may be an advocate for free love but I am also a supporter of free choice.

Do what feels right and forget how anyone else may judge you. It's your life and you only have to answer to yourself.

Oh look, here's our girl," Rose announced loudly as Scarlett approached. "Let's go see which pair of shoes I am buying her as a momento."

"I don't want shoes. I want one of the paintings in Jasper's gallery. The girl in it looks just like Mom. I think your friend painted it."

Rose rolled her eyes at me.

"Really? He's painting the local talent now? Come on, let's go see this painting."

xxxx

EPOV

Rosalie's party was the next place where we met up.

When Bella and Jake arrived at Emmett's door, she looked distracted and I correctly assumed it was because later this week was Scarlett's Farewell Dinner, and we would be summoned back to the house.

Tanya was included in the Guest List despite my making it clear we were back to being merely friends. How unlike my mother not to listen.

I still felt no flicker of guilt or shame; no sense of having cheated on Tanya.

What Bella and I were was nothing to do with anyone else on the planet. I guess Tanya could be hurt if she knew, or maybe not.

Maybe just angry.

I dare say she wouldn't understand why it happened but it wasn't 'cheating'. Not in my mind.

I had not gone out and hooked up with some other woman.

I hadn't even intended making love to Bella.

It truly had just happened.

Bella wasn't bothered either and I was pretty sure she would never tell anyone, apart from Rose. That was inevitable.

Rose may be a cow sometimes but she would die rather than betray any of Bella's confidences.

It wasn't some dark secret, it was just something between man and wife that nobody else needed to know about.

Up close, Bella looked pale and tired.

"So, have you and Scarlett been burning the candles at both ends?" I asked her, handing her a glass of champagne.

She looked at the drink as if she didn't know what it was, and abandoned it onto the nearest table.

"Would you prefer something else? A vodka and cranberry, perhaps?"

"I'd kill for a cup of tea. I'm so tired of fizzy drinks. Our daughter never drinks plain water, did you know that? It's always sodas and cola drinks. I can't believe they are doing her any good. She insists the caffeine keeps her awake so she can cram in more study. Is that hurting her?"

"A lot of students do worse. I guess if she sticks to cola we can count ourselves lucky. Come on, let's sneak into the kitchen and I will boil the kettle."

Bella sat down on a kitchen chair and pulled out a second to rest her feet up on.

"That girl has more energy than a puppy. We have walked the length and breadth of the forest a dozen times, I swear. Charlie came with us this morning . He was so sure we would get lost and so he had a backpack full of survival rations and probably six compasses in case the first five were faulty.

Naturally we ended up going around in circles. I'm surprised we made it home.

I cooked his dinner but it ended up going in the fridge.

He was snoring away in his chair in front of the flatscreen when I left. I didn't have the heart to wake him up.

Tomorrow it's La Push beach. I think she is worried she will forget this place unless she visits every inch of ground before she leaves."

"I'm not on shift tomorrow. Maybe I could join you both."

"Fine. But be warned, Scarlett wants to see the sun rise over the horizon so we will be early."

"Give me a call when you arrive and I'll jog down the hill."

The house deeds had been amended and I was technically now squatting in Bella's property, but I didn't want to hand the keys over until Scarlett had flown away.

Maybe I hoped Bella would ask me to stay for one last night when she became the official owner.

Even just as friends.

I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize things between her and Jacob but she still felt a little bit like mine.

Maybe she always will.

Maybe that's how it is when you have been with someone over ten years and had a baby together.

I looked through Emmett's cupboard and found some of Rosalie's dainty teacups and poured Bella's tea.

"Thank you. There's nothing like a hot cup of tea to give me the energy to face the next challenge. I hope Jake doesn't want to stay too long. I am fantasizing about falling into bed."

I smirked and she swatted her hand at me.

"I mean, to sleep."

"So, are you two getting serious about one another?" I asked. I was pretty sure she was over the whole age difference hurdle and they seemed pretty good together from what I could see.

"Oh Edward, I don't know. I guess I'm forever waiting for him to wake up one day and go 'fuck, when I'm fifty, she will be sixty.' I mean, there's a hell of a gap between a fifty year old guy and a sixty year old woman."

"I thought you were past that."

"I am, as in, now it doesn't bother me, being thirty five to his twenty five. I mean, I'm not being vain or anything, you know that, but I have never looked my age and Rose keeps saying I only look maybe four or five years older than him anyway. I hope it's true. Trouble is, everyone in Forks knows exactly when I was in Forks High, and when he was, so even if we looked exactly the same age, they still know."

"Since when have you ever cared what anyone else thought?"

She frowned.

"I ran into your parents the other night. It was weird. I started to think I was hallucinating until I realized what they were doing."

"Explain," I replied, puzzled.

"Well, Jacob took me to dinner at Bella Italia and they were there. I mean, so what, they usually ignore me, but no.

Esme came straight over to our table and kissed my cheek. Imagine that. Then Carlisle does the same and they ask if they can join us at our table. I'm all WTF but Jake says sure, so ...

I really wish you had been there. It had to be seen to be believed.

Your mom starts saying what a great person I am and how amazing my cooking is and how I have such 'good homemaking skills' and I'm pretty sure by then that I have slipped into an alternate universe or your parents have been taken over by Pod People, and it hit me.

They were selling me to Jake.

Pointing out all my many glowing qualities in case he had missed any."

"So, for some reason they want you to marry Jake."

"Edward, wake up. They want to make sure I stay away from you."

"Oh of course. How very like my parents to interfere in someone else's life for their own agenda. You should have slipped off to the Ladies and let Jake ask them how much they were willing to pay him to marry you. Could have been a nice little earner."

"Yeah, I did consider pointing out if only we had a nice house with a few of Salvador Dali's paintings on the wall, we could rush off and tie the knot in Vegas that night."

"They would probably have gone with you to be the witnesses, just to make sure you didn't back out," I added.

We both laughed but it wasn't funny.

I want to go and punch my father in the face right now.

"There's more. Esme even said she had bought a wedding dress for Bree once, and as your sister had decided her career was more important than marriage, the dress was all mine if I wanted it."

"My God, how crazy would it be for my wife to marry her second husband wearing my sister's unworn wedding gown? Bree ran off to the UK to avoid them pushing her into marrying Aro Volturi, you know. They had decided he was prefect for her so she did the smart thing and got the heck out of Dodge. Sensible girl."

"Oh no, that creepy old guy? I had no idea. Poor Bree. I'm glad she escaped that fate."

Bella looked worried.

"Edward, you don't think they will try and choose who Scarlett marries, do you? I know it's a long way in the future yet, but would they do that?"

I took her hand into mine.

"Bella, my love, they will probably try and give her to Aro if he's not dead by then. We just have to hope Scarlett is strong enough to withstand their influence and marry somebody of her own choice."

"Though that didn't work out so well for you," Bella replied. "Who were they hoping you would grow up and marry, Edward?"

I sighed and shook my head.

"Probably one of the Denali girls."

"What? Like, Tanya? You aren't just with her because..."

"Of course not. I had my own reasons for being with Tanya. She was the only woman I have ever felt anything for at all , apart from you. Though my feelings for her were not quite so noble as how I felt about you. Sometimes it seems, there can be lust without a single trace of love.

Who knew?

It was nothing to do with my parents. I am aware they were thrilled to the back teeth about it. I'm sure they felt I had played right into their hands.

There is much wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth now Tanya and I are finished."

"But think about it, Edward. Your life could be so much easier if you do marry someone they approve of. Wouldn't it be nice to have a wife your mother likes, rather than one she barely tolerated? She must have hated me so much for what I did to you."

"What you did to me? I think you mean, what I did to you," I pointed out.

"Edward, we both know who wanted sex without a condom. If I had listened to you our lives would have been very different."

"Yeah, they would have found a way to tear us apart before I went to Oxford. Or maybe just banked on the distance between us being too much. I remember my Mom saying rather than me coming home each break, they would buy a house in London and then they would come over to visit me. And you can bet your life you would not have gotten an invitation to join them."

"Even if they had invited me, I would never have afforded the air fare."

"What a happy coincidence for them."

"We were doomed from the start, weren't we?"

"Yes, Bella. I do believe we were. Another time, another place, we could have made it all the way but never with that pair running interference."

"There you two are," Tanya said from the doorway. "Oh, what are you drinking? You do know Emmett bought the most delicious champagne, right?"

"If I so much as take a sip of alcohol, I will fall asleep on my feet," Bella informed her.

"Jacob is looking for you, by the way. He looks a bit frantic. I told him you would be with Edward, and Edward would never let anything happen to you. That boy is a bit of a worry. But then, it must be nice to have a boyfriend who can't bear to let you out of his sight." she sighed.

"Okay. I shall go give Rose her gift and see if we can sneak away.. See you in the morning, Edward. Before sunrise, remember."

"There's a 'before sunrise'?" Tanya moaned.

"It won't affect you anyway," I pointed out.

" I could come over and make us all breakfast after you people do whatever crazy people do before dawn if you like," Tanya offered. "I mean, just as friends. I never got to visit your house, Edward. I would like to see what it's like from the inside. Maybe we could all stay overnight and have a sleepover. You have guest rooms."

"No. There's still builders fixing up the final bits and pieces at my house, remember," I hastily lied.

"There are?"

"Yep. Plumbing's been done wrong. There are no working toilets."

"Oh gross. Fine, you sleep at yours and make like a bear in the woods, and I'll see you at Scarlett's party."

She had given me plenty of space since our split but kept in touch at the same time.

Now and again she suggested we do something as friends but so far I had avoided all invitations.

I knew too well that she would hold on tight to any signs of encouragement that we could get back together.

I'm sure Esme was giving her tips on 'how to win Edward back'.

"_Just pretend you want nothing but friendship and then one night when he has had a little too much to drink..."_

Mom was probably planning to camp outside until this happened then break in with a preacher and have us married while I was still asleep.

We walked back into the room where the other guests were and Jake immediately rushed to Bella's side, as if she had been gone for a month.

I found that a little smothering, but then, Bella deserved someone who lavished attention on her. Maybe she liked it.

xxxx

BPOV

Scarlett slept over in my apartment for the first and probably last time ever. I gave her my bed, and stretched out on the couch. It made little difference to me. I would not sleep anyway. I just wanted to watch her sleep.

I may never get the opportunity again.

By the time she comes back, if she comes back, she will be a proper grown up. She may even come back with a husband and child in tow.

I just hope I get invited to the wedding.

Maybe she will get smart and elope, and escape an Esme Cullen wedding experience, like Bree had.

We had escaped it too. The Cullen's had hardly wanted to make a big deal out of their precious son marrying 'white trash' like they considered I was.

The girl from the poor family on the wrong side of the tracks trapping the rich man's son into a shotgun wedding.

I couldn't believe how much clearer I saw Carlisle and Esme now. Edward always said I had no idea what they were really like, but I guess I always thought the problems between him and his parents were normal adolescent rebellion versus father with high hopes for his only son. Nothing more. I never expected them to like me, not after how I ruined Edward's life and their dreams for him.

Now I knew it was so much more that that.

I must have slept, because suddenly Scarlett was shaking me awake and urging me to get dressed so we could go.

I called Edward once we hit the sand and he was soon jogging down his driveway half hidden inside his hoodie, bearing travel mugs of coffee for them and tea for me.

He pulled a black knitted beanie from his pocket and pulled it over over my hair.

I remembered knitting it for him in Homemakers class at school so many years ago. I liked that he still had it.

I started to feel human as I sipped the brew, and then the sun started to colour the horizon, and we three sat there huddled together, Edward in the middle, as the sky changed to red, then pink, then apricot, and finally, blue.

"So, what do we do now?" Edward asked our child.

"We walk. I was hoping to swim but I guess that's out of the question?'

We both shivered exaggerated shivers and shook our heads.

"Oh boy, my parents are wimps. How embarrassing."

"Scarlett, you may be young enough not to freeze to death out there in the water but your mother and I are too sensible to even attempt it. We are older and wiser. We know it's a bad idea."

"Like I said, wimps."

In the end, she merely took off her shoes and sox and ran along the very edge of the waterline but we didn't even join in with that.

When she started complaining that her feet were frozen, I put her sox and shoes back on her blue feet as I had done so many times when she was small, and then Edward carried her on his back until she got the feeling back in her toes.

Edward suggested brunch at his house eventually, and we headed back.

"Oh wait," I said as we walked up the steep driveway to his house. "You have no flushing toilets."

"What?" Scarlett shrieked.

"Nothing. It's a joke," her father replied, smirking at me.

xxxx

EPOV

After lunch Bella and Jake took Scarlett home to finish packing, so I headed over to Rose's post birthday bash held to celebrate us all surviving her party the night before.

I skipped a few guests that I had intended speaking to in the circle around the room and went straight to Bella when she arrived..

"I need a drink," she said, looking relieved to find me here.

"Of course. Take it easy though. If we start now we will be too paralytic to go to Scarlett's party."

"I really wish we could have just taken her out to dinner ourselves to say goodbye. Just the three of us," she added.

"Maybe we can sneak out during the party. There will be hundreds of people there, it's not like we would be missed."

"I don't know that Scarlett would play along."

"You could be right. Carlisle probably has her on a collar and lead to make sure she doesn't get cold feet and does a bolt."

"Scarlett wants to go, Edward. Why would she bolt?" Bella asked.

"I don't know. Living with my parents just seems to make some of us want to defy their wishes and choose our own lives, as futile as that would be."

"I think she will love it. In England. It will be so different to here."

"Yeah. Cold, rainy, snow now and then. Oh wait, that describes Forks exactly."

"I meant, the people. The buildings. The sense of history. Walking where kings walked centuries ago."

"We should go visit her sometimes and make sure she sees the cities and the countryside and doesn't spend her whole life holed up inside that University," I suggested.

"We should," she agreed.

"You won't like it," Jake interjected as he joined us.

"Why not?" Bella asked.

"Well, I have been there. The villages with their little country pubs are gorgeous, and their beaches look great. And there is a sense of centuries gone by but the weather is so cold. Just try going to places like Stonehenge. The wind is so frigid it will freeze your arse off. I nearly peed myself, I kid you not, the first time I went there. Getting out of a nice warm car into what feels like being immersed in a freezing lake of water...your first reaction is to want to pee."

"Sounds inviting," Bella giggled.

I looked at her in surprise.

Okay, maybe this relationship with Jake was good for her. She sounded happy, and she had relaxed in his presence. I may have to stop judging the guy so harshly. There is no reason on Earth why he could not love her as I much as I do. It would probably be very easy for him to do so..

"So, you won't be coming with us?" I queried.

"Nope. You two can do that trip on your own."

That sounded fine to me.

A couple of girls approached our group and I noticed Tanya among them. She smiled and moved to stand beside me.

I excused myself and went to give Emmett a hand at the bar. Somehow once Tanya had joined into our conversation, I had lost interest.

xxxx

BPOV

Tanya appeared and the rest of her group moved on, leaving her behind.

Edward walked off. He never mentioned her at all any more.

I didn't ask.

"What's this trip you and Edward are taking?" she asked.

"We were discussing visiting Scarlett in London sometime."

Tanya shivered.

" I just hate cold, wet things. Places. Forks is bad enough. I was hoping to be able to talk Edward into moving to California after we got married."

"And that's not happening now?" Jake asked. It was obvious they no longer appeared to be together.

"Edward insists we are taking a break. I think it's only a matter of time before he changes his mind and comes back to me, but whatever. Men are strange creatures."

"He will be back for sure. You are a beautiful lady and you two look good together," Jake stated.

"I hope you are right. He's just being silly and stubborn. Sometimes you have to settle for what is available and not go hankering after the impossible. He needs to learn that."

"What happened?" Jacob asked her.

"I think we were moving too quickly and he got cold feet. I can wait. I figure if we get engaged next year, then married two years after that..."

"Why wait so long?" Jake asked. "I am not being rude but you are the same age as Edward?"

"I'm actually older than him. Just a year or two, not like..." Tanya blushed.

"It's okay, we are aware that Bella is ten years older than me," Jake laughed. "It's meaningless. The only thing is, we want to have kids so we have to factor Bella's age into it. I'd have thought it would be the same for you and Edward."

"Kids?" Tanya screeched in horror. "God no. No. No way. Edward has Scarlett. He's a father. There's no reason to have any further contributions to the gene pool."

EPOV

I smiled to myself. Good to know Tanya had not built up a whole fairytale life with me in her head, with kids already named just waiting to be conceived.

I passed around fresh drinks and joined in.

"Particularly the Cullen gene pool," I added drily.

I turned to Bella.

"You want more kids?"

She blushed.

"Jake wants kids. But come on, we have been dating five minutes, it's way too soon to discuss wanting kids."

"But you do want a son, right, Bella?" Jake persisted.

"Maybe," she replied, looking into my eyes.

I almost gasped out loud at what I read there. I must be wrong. There's no way she would want to have my son.

After all I had put her through, why would she even consider it?

Apart from that, the fact the Cullen men were all shit should be enough reason for her to avoid that trainwreck.

xxxx

BPOV

The farewell party was a massive affair with caterers running around offering gourmet snacks off their trays, and marquees in the yard so Jake and I sat inside on of them with Emmett and Rose and Edward and Tanya.

Rose pointed out any 'celebrities' present in the crowd and Emmett proceeded to trash them by telling us fictional gossip about each of them. He said if the tabloids could make up shit, so could he.

Photographers were snapping photos left and right and eventually Edward and I were requested to pose with Scarlett and the Cullen parents, so I grabbed Charlie's arm and made sure he was included as well. Renee was there in full flight, with her newly surgically enhanced face and her latest beau on her arm.

She was seriously impressed by Jacob Black, but possibly more as a future conquest rather than a future son-in-law.

And next thing it was over, and in a mere few hours time Scarlett would leave in Carlisle's limo, to catch a flight away from us.

Edward had to work, so he couldn't got to the Airport, but I was pretty sure his father had arranged it that way.

Emmett would never have stopped me taking yet another day off to go, but I felt we had said our goodbyes on the beach.

I stood with everyone else and waved them off, biting my lip with amusement because Renee had managed to cadge a lift with them, seeing she needed to fly home to Phoenix herself, from SeaTac as well.

I sent Edward a text telling him how Mom had probably scuppered Carlisle and Esme's last chance to brainwash our daughter before they put her on a plane.

xxxx


	7. Chapter 7

It Ain't Over Til It's Over

Chapter 7

EPOV

"So, what's so urgent?" I asked Emmett as he opened his front door to me.

"Nothing. I just thought you might like to come over for a home cooked meal. And dessert."

"I was planning on having an early night," I grumbled. It had been a long day in the ER and I was tired. Every day was merging into a monotonous sameness and now I actually preferred to have as many patients as possible come through the doors because quiet days like today dragged on interminably.

The only day that held an significance now was Wednesday.

Bella had agreed to come over in Scarlett's stead until we both got used to not having her around. I genuinely knew that was going to take a very long time, I would not have to fake anything to extend these meetings to go on for as long as possible.

Today was only Sunday.

"Go on through, we are having rack of lamb and that fantastic potato bake you and I both love."

"If Rosalie is making it I don't think fantastic is the right word," I groused. "I hope you enjoy disappointment."

"Actually Rose didn't make it," Emmett admitted as we walked into the kitchen.

I paused.

The aroma filling the house suggested whoever had cooked it had gotten the recipe exactly right.

It was apparently one of those dishes few people knew how to throw together so it turned out 'just right' but Bella had always managed.

And speaking of Bella...

My heart skipped a beat.

Through the closed sliding glass door that led to Emmett's balcony I could see Rose, and opposite her with her back to me, sat Bella. They seemed to be chatting away but Rose raised her eyes and met mine, and smiled.

That was surprising, she usually glowered at me.

Then she raised her glass and winked.

I turned in confusion to Emmett and he laughed.

"Don't panic, Rose isn't hitting on you. She's just glad you turned up. It seems Jake is off doing whatever artists do and Bella was at a loose end so we thought maybe you could make up the foursome. Grab a glass and go let Rosie fill it for you."

I didn't need to be asked twice.

Emmett opened the slider and we stepped out into the brisk night air.

"Edward!" Bella said in surprise, moving over on the bench she was sitting on. I sat down beside her as Emmett sat beside Rose.

"You girls have gotten a head start," Emmett said as he held out his glass to Rosalie.

I found myself tongue tied for a minute and just sat there looking into Bella's amused eyes barely noticing our companions at all. This was an unexpected bonus.

All signs of weariness were gone.

Bella made no attempt to speak either, and after a while, Emmett coughed loudly and Rose shook her head and laughed.

"Drink up, champagne's going flat. Why do I suddenly feel like we are excess baggage, Emm? Should we go inside and pretend we have to check that dinner isn't burning?"

"I'm having a flashback," Emmett replied. "Junior Year, biology class. The lights just got turned on after we had watched some movie about a sick kid getting cured by his parents or something, and this pair got caught snuggling up and holding hands instead of watching the movie.

Edward was supposedly the brightest kid in class and when Mr Banner asked him what he got from the film, he said he didn't realise it had been shown yet."

"A wonderful moment. The only time I ever heard anyone dare laugh at him," Rose added.

Bella finally broke our gaze and blushed.

"Don't be mean. We hadn't even kissed at that point. There was a lot of unresolved sexual tension in the air," she pointed out.

"I wonder what that would feel like?" Emmett joked.

"Kind of like right now," Rosalie suggested. "Oh wait...is 'unresolved' the right word any more?"

Bella glared at her and confirmed what I suspected. She had told Rose, but I didn't think Emmett knew. He would have made some embarrassing comment if he did. Surely.

"So, dinner is ready , let's go eat," Emm stated and we picked up our glasses and moved inside.

Bella busied herself plating the meals and whispering threateningly to Rose while Emmett and I sat facing one another across the dining table.

He just sipped his drink and grinned at me like a lunatic while we waited.

Maybe Rose had told him.

Maybe the rules had changed now they were a couple.

Maybe they told each other everything Bella and I confided in either of them.

"Gosh, this looks awesome, Edward, doesn't it?" Emmett said as our meals were placed before us by the girls. "I bet you go back for seconds. Some people do that. They find something so delicious they can't help themselves and they go back for more. Right?"

Okay, so he knew.

"I guess some 'things' are very addictive, even if it's been a while," I agreed. "Too good to give up."

I didn't dare look at Bella in case she was upset by the conversation but she simply sat down beside me and joined in.

"It can be tricky deciding if you like some new dish better than an old familiar dish you know really well, don't you think, Rose?" she said.

"I guess. Though I can't say I have ever had a better dish than the one I have right now so I don't really identify. I guess I have had some really bad meals in the past so now I truly appreciate a good dish when I eat one."

Emmett liked that.

He grinned at her and raised his glass.

"Here's to fantastic new meals and old favourites."

The atmosphere remained charged, with Bella and I both on alert for the next joshing we would receive but Rose and Emmett had become proper polite hosts it seemed and gradually we relaxed.

Rose cleared the table, signalling for Bella to stay seated, and when she returned from the kitchen she placed two sundae glasses full of chocolate mousse in front of us.

Emmett stood up and put his arms around her.

"Excuse us, we prefer to consume our dessert in the bedroom. Talk among yourselves and we will return in time for a nightcap before you leave."

They disappeared and Bella laughed.

"That pair. Honestly. I shudder to think what Emmett is licking his share of mousse off. It can't be hygienic."

She dipped her spoon into her dessert and then smiled, and offered it to me.

I opened my mouth and let her feed me.

Then she took a spoonful for herself and licked it from the spoon in such a way I knew I was in trouble if I was reading her wrongly.

"Eat," she suggested and I remembered my own desert and wolfed it down.

Bella stood up and took my hand.

"Come sit outside. It's stuffy in here."

She led me back to the balcony and grinned at the one single lounger, laying herself down to one side and patting the space beside her.

"It's cool, huddle up and keep me warm."

I did as she asked and pulled a picnic blanket over us both.

For a few minutes we simply lay side by side looking up at the stars.

"What's up?" I asked. "Does Jacob not mind us being together like this?"

"Jake and I had a long talk. He has agreed to slow down if I agree to seriously consider he might be my One, though how a person can have two "Ones" seems a bit weird. Anyway, we have agreed we are not exclusive and that we are both free to date other people as well until such a time comes, as Jacob assures me it will, that we know how we feel about one another for sure."

"And Jake agreed to this?"

"Well, he agreed once I said it was this or nothing."

"It sounds like such a sensible plan," I stated. "No point in rushing in and living with regret later."

"So, now I just need someone else willing to date me. I might call Mike Newton and see if he's available," she said straight faced.

She shivered as a gust of icy wind blew over us, and cuddled into my side. I put an arm around her shoulders just to keep her warm and considered her idea.

"Mike is unattached at present I believe. He's always had a thing for you. He could be a good choice."

"Hmm, I'm not sure I am interested in the 'thing' he has for me now I think about it. God knows he offered it to me often enough in High School."

"Not while we were dating, I hope," I growled.

"Edward, admit it. We kind of got everything around the wrong way. Back then we should have been dating other people as well as each other, and keeping our options open. If we had we might have managed to get it right, and still be married. And Scarlett might have had a brother to grow up with."

"And tomorrow night we would be in some restaurant celebrating twenty years together," I added.

"You remember that's the anniversary of our first date?" she said in surprise. "That's why Rose invited me over. So she said. She didn't want me spending this evening alone and getting all tearful about tomorrow."

"Do you get tearful about things like that?" I asked her.

"Sure. I can't help thinking about how things could have been, had we just shown a little patience and some restraint. Do you remember how at first we were determined not to sleep together until after we were married? That might have been a better choice, in hindsight."

"Yeah, I don't think we would have waited under any circumstances," I replied. "You have always been such a beautiful, sexy woman, no man could resist."

"You are pretty hot yourself, Edward."

"So, where do we go from here?" I asked.

"Well, I guess if Mike's not suitable for the position, you could ask me out instead. We know your parents would be so happy to see us dating again. Esme did say I am a wonderful person and a great little homemaker. Sounds like they want us to see one another. Why disappoint them?"

I was loving it. Turning the tables on my mother could only be a good thing.

"Okay. We could do that. Just for Esme, mind. Just because she always knows what's best. Is Jacob going to be okay about this?"

"I did tell him he could date anyone at all, old flames included, so he can hardly lay down any ground rules about who I go out with."

"And you won't consider just dating me exclusively?"

"Edward, don't push it. I do need to discover for myself how we fit together now. It's been such a long time and no doubt we have both changed. We need to get to know one another again with no expectations. If it proves that we have grown too far apart, then no harm done. No blood, no foul. We just walk away.

You dated Tanya for a few months. You do have the option of dating both of her and me if you want."

"You cannot possibly believe I would want to waste a date night on her? I prefer to just date you as often as you will allow. And Wednesday nights are still on. They are not counted as dates. We agreed already they were just catching up nights so don't add them onto how ever many nights I am allowed to be with you."

"Rose suggested we don't get too intimate as yet. She says I need to just date you and Jake and make up my mind before we go that far. Okay?"

"You won't be sleeping with Jacob either?" I checked.

"Of course not. That would hardly be smart. I get her point. The idea of sleeping with two guys I'm dating is more than I can cope with, so celibacy is our only option if we play fair."

"And we must play fair, mustn't we?" I agreed.

Maybe.

All's fair in love and war and this feels like both.

Obviously I don't want her slipping up and sleeping with him, but if we slipped up, I could forgive that. It wouldn't be a disaster.

We could just excuse it on the grounds we had some form of amnesia and thought we were still married.

Sounds reasonable.

Things like that happen every day, I'm sure.

xxxx

BPOV

Laying in Edward's arms it was hard to remember why I was dating Jake as well but my brain said it was a good idea, even if my body disagreed.

Part of me was screaming inside, telling me to press his body against mine and if anything came up, well, it wasn't exactly new territory. He'd been there before.

Jake has too, but that doesn't seem as important any more.

I'd proved to myself what I needed to, and now it's time to be fair to both Jake and Edward, and play by the rules.

I honestly do not know if Edward and I can reconnect to the point where Jake will become excess baggage and can be eased out. I do know that's what I hope will happen.

He is kind of beautiful, and he's ultra caring and all, but he is also twenty five and a recent addition to my life.

I have so many memories of Edward and me.

We share so much history, it's hard to even say they are starting on a level playing field.

We have been together for so long before the divorce, it feels like we are starting halfway down the track, not at the starting line where Jake stands.

I will be fair to them both.

Jake has already presented his case explaining why he and I should be allowed to still have sex. He says it's unfair that Edward and I have been in bed together for years when he and I had only one night.

I expect Edward will turn that around and say he and I are the ones who should be allowed to have sex because we have a lot of making up to do. I am sure he thinks we will be sleeping together in no time because it's what we have done in the past, and that probably means to him, we would get a free pass to resume lovemaking on the grounds it's how we connected back then when time did not allow any other way.

This time I will do everything right.

I'm going to be sensible.

I will not make the same mistakes again.

I will date them both before allowing my body to take over my mind.

I will break up with one of them before allowing the other into my bed.

I can do this.

I have had seven years of abstinence.

Seven years.

Seven really long, horrible, lonesome years.

Nobody touched me for seven years.

Two thousand five hundred and fifty six nights.

But who's counting?

I groaned out loud.

Edward was on my lips in a second, and my body screeched in protest as his hands merely swept the length of my torso, above my clothing.

He didn't even attempt an accidental boob stroke.

That was good.

Rules are there to be obeyed.

I felt my leg hitch across his hips and immediately his hand was there, stopping it, pushing it back down.

"Sorry," I mumbled, moving away a little.

"Keep to the rules, Bella. No sex. No sex of any kind. It will be easy. We can control our lust."

He was right so why did I want to punch him in the face right now?

He lifted the blanket off himself and kept it covering only my body, and tucked it in around me on all sides.

"I should stay above the blanket. That would be the sensible thing to do. Stay safe."

This was unbelievable. I had expected to be the one protecting my own honor, not trying to rub against his body until he forgot the rules.

I opened my eyes and tried to identify the constellations above. I needed a distraction, because my traitor brain was merrily trying to replay the memories of 'that' night, and right now was not a good time.

Edward leaned over and kissed me again and I felt something snap inside me.

He leaned up and rested his forehead against mine as I spontaneously combusted.

"We can do this, Bella. It will be the right thing to do."

I blinked and shook my head until the image of him naked faded.

Damn.

Damn damn damn.

Who was the idiot that made up those rules?

Who thought this was a good idea again?

Sometimes I just want to head for the nearest cliff and jump.

"We should go have that drink with Emmett and Rose," Edward announced, standing up and stretching as cool as you like.

I knew I was as red as a beetroot and completely wired and uncomfortable but he seemed unaffected.

Damn again.

And they say men are the horny ones.

xxxx

Edward and Emmett went down to the wine cellar to choose a bottle of wine and Rose grabbed me.

"You look ...disturbed. And your face is so flushed. Edward didn't try and force you to do anything, did he?"

"No, more's the pity," I hissed. "You would not have any idea what it is like, Rose. Seven years? Okay, you learn to cope and after all, you don't use it you lose it, right? The urge hibernates and you find other ways to amuse yourself.

Well guess what happens when you do use it again? It wants more.

I swear I was ready to strip us both naked and tie Edward down and jump his bones even if we both froze to death afterwards."

"I'm sure Emmett would not mind if you two stayed over in a guest room. Just choose one far away from his bedroom."

I considered this. If Edward and I shared a bed, all bets would be off.

Right?

He could not possibly have that much self control.

Then again, who knew I had so little.

I could talk the talk but walking the walk was excruciating.

Couldn't we just indulge in a little 'no strings attached' sex? Other people did it all the time.

"Are you sure I have to date Jake?" I checked.

"I don't know. I want you to make a good, clear headed decision but I have no experience of what the best thing is...you have to decide."

"My head says yes, date them both. My body says 'shut up head, and rip Edward's clothes off.' My body is a bit of a slut."

"Do you love him? Are you in love with Edward?"

I bit my lip.

"I don't know. I love him, of course, but in love? After seven years? After a divorce and all that stuff. I don't know, Rose. I just don't know."

"Then decide what's more important. Jumping in the sack, or waiting to see if you two can get it all back first. Having sex might not help. It has been known for people who have a period of abstinence to just get dazzled by the sex and until the initial thrill goes away you can't see things clearly."

"I really want to see things clearly."

"Then wait. And date Jake as well."

xxxx

Edward was polite and friendly but so controlled when we parted.

He didn't offer to drive me home when Rose went and got her car keys.

He merely kissed her on the cheeks, then did the same to me, and opened her passenger door for me.

"See you tomorrow night, Bella, for our first date. I will pick you up at seven."

It seemed like it was only fair that we should be together for the twentieth anniversary that could now never be. I think you have to deduct the seven years we were apart.

Despite the chill in the air, I went home and took a cold shower.

xxxx

EPOV

That had been interesting.

I'd actually expected to be the one to try and push the boundaries of these 'rules' and now it seemed Bella was out of control instead.

Obviously I would have to be the one in charge.

"_Why?"_

Shut up.

I want to play fair.

I want her to make a choice.

Of course I want her to choose me, and I want her back in my bed.

I could invite her right now and she would probably come with me and stay all night.

But I want Jake out of the picture first.

If we slept together one of two things would happen.

She would be cheating on Jake this time, and relationships based on deceit rarely last. If she will cheat with you, she will cheat on you.

I could not bear to have that happen.

I'd rather resist temptation in the short term and reap the rewards after she flicks him away like the annoying insect he is.

That way she won't feel guilty and she won't have regrets and 'what if ?' moments later.

The other alternative is she would dump Jake now before even exploring her options, and then maybe regret reconciling with me in the long run.

I do not want to ever lose her again.

Now matter what we think we want, we need to wait and play this out.

I want a clean break between them.

Sure, I will do all I can in my power to make that happen, but I will not use sex as a way to bring that about sooner.

And, if she sleeps with me, why shouldn't she sleep with him as well?

The mere thought of her coming into my bed smelling of him terrifies me.

I know I wouldn't resist her and it would be intolerable having her go from one bed to another.

Jake would end up killing me or I would kill him.

Then neither of us would get her.

I waved Good bye as Rose took her away, and turned to Emmett as he patted a hand on my shoulder.

"So, did you two get down and dirty on my sunlounger?"

"Nope. We agreed to wait. But she has agreed to date me."

"That's cool. I just think it's funny if you two imagine you will be able to keep your hands to yourselves. You never managed in High School, and I don't think seven years of missing out on any sweet loving together will be helpful in sticking to your plan.

And you already slept with her again anyway.

The horse has bolted.

She isn't going to turn back into a virgin just because you two want to do the noble thing."

"She is confused and sure, I could turn her head and take her home to my bed if I wanted. Of course I want to but I want the bigger prize. I want all of her, body and soul.

I want to be the only man in her heart.

I had it before and I want it back.

I know exactly what I am fighting for, Emm, and I can do this. I can wait.

To the victor the spoils."

Emmett laughed.

"You wouldn't like to place a bet on this, would you? I mean, I could do with a new Harley. We could wager how long it will be before you sucumb."

I considered this cautiously as Emmett would do anything to add to his collection of motorbikes.

Rose hadn't nicknamed him 'Harley' just because she liked the sound of the name.

He had more bikes than the combined total owned by the members of the local bike club.

I had little doubt he would do everything in his power to win this bet.

Whatever.

I liked a challenge.

"You are on. I will not sleep with Bella until she shows Jacob Black the door, and closes it firmly and permanently behind him. However long that takes. Could be a week, could be a year. Agreed?"

"Sure Eddie Boy, it will be a pleasure to take your money. Rose is sleeping at Bella's tonight; they have girlie shit to discuss. Let's go visit Jasper. The honeymoon must be over by now, right?""

xxxx

Jasper Whitlock had grown up in Forks right along with us but he'd moved away after Bella and I married, and now he was back, with his pretty little wife Alice in tow.

His Art Gallery seemed to be doing well but his greater passions were music and tattooing.

Emmett refused to let anyone else do his ink.

As adorable as Alice is, she scares me a little. It's like she can see inside my brain and I find that scary but I have no secrets. She can search every nook and cranny. All that's in my head is a desperate need to get Bella back.

It took quite a while for Jasper's front door to be opened, and when it did, he was standing behind a flush faced Alice with his arms around her waist.

"Nuh, not over yet," I smirked at Emmett.

"Come in guys. It's great to see you. Get yourselves a drink. We have something to celebrate. Can we tell them or should we wait until another night when the girls are here as well?"

"I want to tell Rose and Bella myself. We can tell them," Alice replied.

" Edward has some good news too but not the same news you have, I bet," Emmett snickered.

As we charged our glasses, Alice made a show of pouring only water into her glass so we knew before they said another word.

"Congratulations," I said joyously. These two had done what Bella and I should have done. They'd dated in school, then agreed to separate for college, and gone off to opposite sides of the country. Both had dated other people but neither had gotten into a serious relationship with anyone else.

Then they had both established careers, and come home to one another.

Nobody could argue that they really were sure that this was the right thing and the right time. This would last forever.

"So, here's to mini Alice or Jasperette," Emmett toasted, and we drank to the new baby.

"Bella is going to love this," I told Alice, when Emm took Jaz off to get more champagne.

"A honeymoon baby. Remember how that was always her plan when she and I started dating, and you two used to spend hours designing her wedding gown and planning our honeymoon...in Paris, wasn't it?"

"Paris or Hawaii. We never decided which you would prefer. I said anywhere private where you two could get naked."

"You would have been right about that."

"So, you didn't say...what's your good news?" she asked, sitting down.

"You tell me, Alice," I replied.

She thought about it.

"I'm detecting two scenarios, I just need to know which one is right. Tanya is absent from both of them so you two are done.

Bella is involved, that's a given. She isn't pregnant.

Okay, you two have a chance to get things right this time but there is a possibility it won't happen. She has two choices.

I'm seeing a warrior in full Native American dress, standing beside a bonfire on the beach. Bella is sitting on a log in the sand beside an older man...Billy Black?

Okay, he has another son, then. I know Jacob Black a little because Jasper sells his artwork but he is pretty young so it can't be him. Can it?

Edward, is Bella dating Jake? Is that why all his latest works have brown eyed brunettes in them? He even painted this amazing wolf but reflected in it's eyes is this beautiful woman.

I said to Jasper, that could almost be Bella Swan and we laughed about it.

I should have trusted my gut."

"She is dating him but she is also dating me."

"So, that's the choice hovering over her then."

"Do you know which way she will choose?"

I hated myself for asking but I needed to know.

"It's not written in stone.

Yet.

She is determined to do what is best for her this time and forget what everyone else wants her to do.

Giving her the house and the car is okay, by the way. She will accept them, because she needs them and she knows you need to do this to rest easier at night.

But that's the last consideration she will make.

From here on, you are on your own.

Whether you win or lose is up to her alone.

She will have another child, in time, by the way."

"I know she wants that," I agreed. But will it be mine or will it have his hair and his golden skin? That is the question.

"Actually there will be two babies. Both boys."

She stopped suddenly and looked away.

"What, Alice? Tell me."

She got up and held her hands against her head and walked to the window, staring sightlessly outside.

"Edward, I saw Bella holding two babies but they are different to one another. One has green eyes and your hair and the other is a half Quileute."

Fuck.

Did this mean she would have a child to Jake as well as a child to me?

"Oh, it's okay. I understand now.

Nope. Bella will have one more baby. The other one isn't hers. Sorry for scaring you."

"Alice, which baby is Bella's? Mine or his?"

She frowned.

"It depends which way she chooses. If she chooses correctly, both babies will be born. If she chooses wrongly, then one baby disappears. It's conception becomes impossible."

She snapped back to the present.

"Sorry. All I know is that there are two little souls hovering around her and both have the potential to being related to Bella. If she chooses one way, they both get to join us here on Earth. If she chooses the other, only one will exist in this lifetime.

But that's okay. All souls get their chance to come back. If the second baby isn't born this time around, he will be in a future existence."

"Great. I want my son here with us and soon. What if Bella and I are not together in our next life?"

She laughed out loud, but I had no idea why.

xxxx

"Alice, you aren't telling Edward his future, are you?" Jasper chided as he and Emmett returned.

"Naughty girl. He needs to find out for himself."

"Relax, Jasper. Nothing is firm. Nothing has been decided yet so he's still in the dark."

"Why can't you just tell me?" I growled.

"Edward, just relax, man. Alice doesn't see everything. She never saw you and Bella breaking up, for instance. You can't expect to be able to use her as an advanced warning system. Anyway, now she is pregnant all she sees are babies and things related to babies, right, Hon?"

"Right, Jaz," she agreed as he came to her and held her in his arms.

But which baby?

"Can you tell me anything? Please Alice."

She smiled as Jasper rubbed her abdomen.

"I can tell you everything clicks into place when our baby is born, and Bella sees him for the first time. He will be the catalyst. I don't know why.

But that's when she will decide."

"So, in what, seven months time?" I checked.

"More like five months," Jasper grinned. "It's only a honeymoon baby in the respect he did come on our honeymoon with us."

xxx


	8. Chapter 8

It Ain't Over

Chapter 8

EPOV

I look like shit.

One sleepless night, tossing and turning and trying to make sense of Alice's words in a way that suits what I need to happen had completely annihilated any chance of slumber.

If Bella has my son, then Jake's son disappears?

If she has his son, mine won't be born this lifetime?

That I can understand because I would never want a child with anyone else.

But there is a way for both babies to be born, yet be related to Bella.

I wish I had someone to talk this through with.

Someone without an agenda of their own, someone with an unbiased opinion.

Emmett will dismiss the whole thing and say Alice is talking crap. Jasper never gets involved with his wife's predictions.

My sister flicked into my mind but just as I longed to be able to discuss this with her, I realised something.

If Bree somehow met Jake and had his baby, then it would be related to Bella by marriage. And Bella would be free to have our son.

It seemed like a long shot.

I pulled out my phone and hit Bree's number.

"Hello? Edward? Is something wrong? It's not like you to call me at this hour."

"Sorry. I forgot the time difference. I am just checking that everythings okay with you."

"I'm fine. Why the sudden concern?"

"I just felt like talking. That's what big sisters are for, right?"

"Are the parents fucking with your life again? I thought they would have lost interest now Scarlett is here."

"How is she?" I asked.

"She is having a ball. Don't tell them, but this girl of yours is one crazy wild child. Now she is out of their reaches all she wants to do is party."

"And study. You are making sure she is studying and keeping up her grades, right?"

"Edward, Scarlett has been so smothered and suppressed for so long maybe she needs a gap year to just enjoy her youth. I'm sure you can relate to that. Think about how you would have felt if you had managed to come here after living in that house.

It would not be a disaster if she lived a little before knuckling down.

Think about it, and be prepared for her to ask you if she could travel and have some fun this year."

"I guess, that's fair. I will have to talk to Bella. Anyway, that's why I am calling. Bella and I are dating again."

"Seriously?"

"We aren't exclusive, I'm hopeful we will be in time."

"Okay, brother. It's your life. She must be one Hell of a masochist if she is going back for another round with our parents. Who else is she dating? Not Mike?"

"Nobody important. I'm sure it's a temporary glitch.

So, I was wondering if you knew the new toast of Forks? Jacob Black? He is exhibiting some of his work here and I know he has some of his artwork on show in London, so I wondered if you were moving in the same crowd that he does when he is there. I know you like to be all hipsterlike and hang with the young crowd."

"God, Edward you say that like I am middle aged. Nobody cares any more about who is the older partner. I dated this cute kid for a year, did I tell you about him? Embry?

You would have had a fit but nobody else turned a hair. Actually, he is a friend of Jake's.

I do know Jacob.

He hangs with Leah and her crowd.

We manage to party up a storm when he is here.

Why are you asking?"

"I was just interested. I thought maybe you knew him seeing you both come from the same area."

"I'm not missing Forks or La Push Beach if that is what you are wondering. If I never come back it will be too soon.

That's not why I am friends with Jacob.

I like him despite him being a home grown man, not because of it."

"Fair enough. I envy you, you know."

"Why?"

"Because you got away. I know had I had the means to take Bella somewhere far away from our parents we may have lasted the distance even struggling to survive financially as we did. Without Carlisle and Esme constantly interfering we may have found a way."

"I never understood why you didn't grab Bella and just keep running."

"Money, Sis. Or lack of it."

"But you have your trust fund from the Grands. How do you think I funded my relocation here in England? You could have done the same."

"My trust fund did not pass to me until I was thirty. How come you got yours at eighteen?" I asked, surprised. It had never occurred to me that Bree must have had money to not only leave home but also the country, as she had. I'd been a kid, not yet aware that money was a necessity to buy your own freedom.

"Edward, Carlisle was named as Guardian until we became of age. It was up to his discretion when the money was handed over. He could nominate any age after our eighteenth birthdays."

"But I didn't even know the fund existed until I was thirty. If I had known that money was sitting there I would have borrowed against it at the very least."

"Then maybe Dad didn't tell you because he realised releasing mine to me was a mistake. He and Mom pushed so hard for me to marry that crazy old friend of theirs. I was never going to give in and do that, and to escape from their nagging I told them I had decided to move out of their house and rent something with my friend Victoria, maybe in Boston. She loved Boston.

Mom immediately started yelling at Dad because he had released my trust fund to me on my last birthday. She said this was all his fault and she would never forgive him.

It made me reconsider Boston. That suddenly seemed too close to Forks. Somewhere further away in another country seemed even more attractive.

Why not Paris or London?

London turned out to be the better choice. I finished my education here, got a job, and life has been one long party ever since.

I'm sorry you didn't have that option. Maybe it's my fault Dad hung on to your trust fund that long.

Maybe he thought you would take Scarlett somewhere out of their reach."

"Of course I would have."

"Then that's why he never told you. I wish I hadn't broken off all contact back then. If I'd known about your situation with Bella being pregnant, I'd have shared my funds. There's still more money in my account than I will ever spend in one lifetime."

I banged the phone against the wall.

"Edward, it's way too late now. No point crying over what might have been. Just get the Hell out of town now if you want. You don't owe them anything."

"You are right on both counts. Maybe I should plan on leaving this place and starting again somewhere else, with or without Bella.

I guess it's an option. Once she decides who she wants to marry, or remarry, I will consider my future again."

"You would love it here. You could come live with me."

"And whichever man you currently live with."

"Variety is the spice of live, Bro. I don't want to ever get tied down to anyone."

"Really?"

"Really. What if I got married and had a kid and turned into Esme? I would rather never take the risk."

"Maybe. But you could just make sure you never played with your kid's life like she did with ours. I have managed to stand back and let Scarlett make choices. I would rather have her here with me, and I know Bella would too, but she wanted to leave, and I wasn't going to go all Mad Dictator on her."

"Mad Dictator? Is that what you call Mom these days?"

"If the shoes fits. Carlisle is just as bad. I can't say I'd care if I never saw either of them again, come to think of it. Maybe somewhere else would be better."

"Any place without them is Paradise. Anyway, if you two need a bed anytime, let me know."

"Thanks. I miss you.

Bella and I will be over to visit Scarlett on her birthday so I guess we will see you then."

"Bye Little Bro. I will tell Scar you called."

"Scar? Really? We named her Scarlett because it is a beautiful name that can't be shortened."

"Tell yourself that Edward, if it makes you happy. Gotta go. I have a date tonight and I already know this one is Mr Right Now so I don't have to behave and impress him. See ya.".

I ended the call and brightened a little.

So Bree knows Jake, and has no objections to his age. That is good news.

Maybe this was what Alice meant.

I would be more than happy to be Jacob Black's childs uncle.

In fact, that would be just perfect.

xxxx

Staying or leaving proved to be a moot point. Esme rang and invited me to dinner, and told me their latest news.

Carlisle was away, and if they followed through with their newest whim, me staying in Forks was now more attractive.

Maybe things were moving towards working out in my favour after all.

Getting ready for our date I finally understood the term 'giddy as a schoolgirl'. I was really excited.

It was kind of similar to how I felt back when I was back in High School and Bella had finally decided that while we were friends, there was a chance we could become something more.

I'd endured Emmett asking her out, and Mike Newton, and been relieved when she turned them both down, but it had been a warning sign for me to step up and declare my own interest.

She hadn't hesitated, and twenty years ago today we had gone on our first date.

It had been the best time I'd ever had and I knew that very night that Bella had been made just for me, and me for her.

I knew there would never be anyone else to hold inside my heart and back then, I didn't care because I was sure we were forever.

She seemed to believe the same.

We had joked about it for years.

Everyone else, like Rosalie and Jessica, and Emmett and Mike, had serially dated just about everyone at school before finding someone they even liked, but we had been spared all that drama.

We'd found one another straight off.

A match made in Heaven.

That was still true because since we have been apart it has been like living in Hell.

The very thought that anyone else could be a match for either of us was ridiculous and I am sure Bella will realise that fact given time.

I shuddered at the memory of dating the Denali sisters, and wondered how on Earth I had even managed to sleep with Tanya.

It had not been easy.

Despite Emmett assuring me sex with girls you have no real bond with was still great fun, I hadn't really found that to be true and it had taken an embarrassing amount of fantasizing in my head before I could even get it up.

I'm sure if I hadn't seen her in that tent that time, I would have never managed to have sex with her at all.

The upside was that Tanya was now my secret weapon.

When things had started to get hot and heavy with Bella and I had needed to slow down before I got caught up and forgot the rules, Tanya had suddenly flashed into my brain.

I'd just thought "How come Bella turns me into a flaming ball of desire instantly and Tanya is an attractive girl too, yet it had been hard work getting in the mood with her, unlike this ? " and there it was.

A way to stay in control.

I'd thought it very poor form years ago before Rose split with Royce King, when Emmett had told me he sometimes had closed his eyes when having sex with some random, and pictured Rose instead so he could pretend he was with her.

But ironically that was what I had done to put a brake on the passion building between Bella and me.

I had shut my eyes and pictured Tanya, and bam, all desire had ebbed away like a burst balloon.

She'd be mortified if she knew how quickly a single thought of her could instantly kill any response the real girl in my arms had ignited, but it would be a useful tool.

If I kept thinking of Tanya, Bella would never manage to cloud my head to the point where I'd just go along with her desires.

And as a bonus, I would never have to pay for that Harley.

I checked my reflection in the mirror and girded my loins.

"Okay Tanya, stay with me tonight up here in my brain and I will be able to walk away and leave Bella untouched. Don't fail me now."

xxxx

BPOV

I do not get it.

Edward is fucking with my head.

All through dinner he has been attentive, polite, amusing and even romantic but although he has been the 'perfect' date, we are now sitting in his car on the cliff below his house, and...nothing.

I touched the single diamond hanging from the fine gold chain around my neck. Edward gave it to me as a symbol of what might have been, but I think he just wanted to put a diamond on me.

His actions inside the restaurant shouted loudly that he wanted me more than life itself but once we left, nothing.

Well, not nothing.

There has been a lot of kissing but whereas just kissing used to set him on fire, nothing is happening.

He closes his eyes as I writhe against him and he calmly moves away again and says we need to cool it.

Then he steps from the car and stretches, and pulls out a packet of cigarettes.

He has never smoked before.

Why start now?

I always thought smoking was something you did when you were young and stupid and thought it was cool, then you became addicted and couldn't give it up even when your brain matured and told you it was dangerous and a bad idea.

But no. Edward seems to find standing out in the cold night air inhaling a cocktail of tar and deadly chemicals preferable to being inside the car, our bodies wrapped around one another, our hands seeking to touch and thrill and ...

God.

Really?

Seriously?

If Jake wasn't hot for me every minute we are together, I'd start to think I'd lost my touch.

It used to be a given.

Put Edward and me in any situation where sex was possible, and we would forget the world existed and just go for it.

We'd had sex everywhere, even in the media room in his parents house while Esme was checking on dinner in the kitchen and Carlisle had gone upstairs into his study to get some history book he wanted to show us in case it was useful to our lessons at school.

They had not picked up on how serious things were between us so they had let their guard down.

Esme had managed to put the words "Next year when Edward is away at Oxford..." into every sentence she uttered, but it had the opposite effect to what she had intended. She thought she was reminding us that soon we would be parted and this 'little crush' would be done.

Instead, she had driven us to indulge in desperate episodes of love making while we still could. While we had the opportunity.

Edward was devastated at the thought we would soon be ripped apart and I'm sure he would never have considered going bareback otherwise.

I had felt an impending sense of doom around us, but had wrongly assumed it meant that the end was fast approaching; that Edward would leave and forget me.

I wanted memories.

I wanted something to cling to.

I wanted him to be the first guy to be inside me without a barrier between us.

Making love had been awesome but I wanted more and I wanted to be able to look back and say 'yes, we had it all. We did everything. He was my first in every way and I was his."

Being with whoever we moved on to would never compare because Edward and I had already done everything together. There were no more firsts left.

Then suddenly the flu that did the rounds and made us all ill stayed on with me alone.

And Rose had screamed and grabbed my calendar and counted days, weeks, and I knew the consequences of my actions.

I'd changed everything.

My first reaction was to get this fixed, and not even tell Edward at all, but Rose had convinced me that would be very, very wrong, so I'd broken the bad news and Edward had reacted the opposite way to how I expected.

He'd beamed.

He'd started planning a whole new future which he was so sure would be even better than the one his parents were pushing him into.

I honestly couldn't see how he could have such rose coloured glasses on; this was a disaster.

But no.

Edward had been convinced it was a blessing.

He was determined to find a way that we could marry, have the baby and have a wonderful life.

I had many doubts and then Esme had stopped looking like I had murdered her puppy, and started coming up with practical solutions, only for Edward to shoot them all down.

It had been a very confusing time and it had clouded our start in life together as a married couple.

To me, Edward was making everything as difficult as possible, and we had no-one else to turn to.

Charlie was gone, chasing after Renee.

We had nowhere to live, no money.

Edward had emptied his petty cash account paying the security deposit on the little apartment above the shop and buying some basic second hand furniture, and there was Esme, offering a ready made home in the cottage in their garden.

Now I get it but back then I really wondered if Edward really loved me, to turn down his Mom like that and make everything so difficult.

The only employment available to two kids straight out of High School with no training or experience had been donkey work and the money had been so inadequate.

But for years, Edward had still felt we were doing okay and we could make it. He was so sure things would get better.

It had been a fantasy.

He couldn't study and improve his job because he had no time .

I had to work split shifts and we alternated who worked nights so someone was always with Scarlett.

He'd have worked around the clock if he hadn't had to sleep.

We were on a road to nowhere and I'd lost sight of the future and all hope had disappeared.

I guess looking back I had been depressed, and everything just overwhelmed me.

Although I love Edward and have happy memories too, I still have flashbacks to how bad that life was, and it makes me yearn just a tiny bit to walk away and stay away and try something new, something fresh with no history.

And now that option is here available, with Jake.

It could be the life I crave.

But being with Edward again is clouding the issue because it makes me think even a drama free existence somewhere else with Jake; somewhere new where nobody knows us or knows my past, would be empty without Edward.

He is part of me, where Jake is just part of my life.

Going away won't work because Edward will still be in my heart and in my head. I will be wondering where he is, what he is doing, who he is with...

Despite him saying he never wants to be with anyone else if we can't be together, surely in time he would settle.

Settle.

Like I could settle.

Gah!

It would be easier if Jake had never come along.

He's given me glimpses of a different and completely possible future that most women would envy. Nobody else would even fight it, they would jump at the chance to marry him and go have his two little black haired babies.

What's wrong with me that I can only see a son of mine with auburn hair?

I love Jake's hair.

Any child of his would be amazing.

Beautiful.

Green eyes are not the only captivating eyes.

A child Jake and I had would have black eyes.

Like it's Daddy.

Edward opens the car door and reaches for my hand.

"Come up to the house. I have something for you."

My heart races as we climb up the driveway.

This is more like it!

Maybe Edward just prefers the comfort of a bed.

I like his bed.

Instead he heads for the sitting room and sits down, gesturing for me to do the same.

I want to sit beside him but he is sitting in the recliner chair and I have no choice but to sit on the sofa opposite, alone.

I bite my lip and wonder what he is going to say.

"Bella, I have signed this house over to you. I was never able to give you what you deserved when we divorced and I need to make that right.

Whether we end up together as I hope, or not, I need to know you will always have a place of your own to come home to if your life doesn't work out like you want.

Your new car is in the garage and here are the keys.

Please accept these gifts in the spirit they are given. I just need to take care of you, and I need to know financial security will not be a factor in who you choose.

I know you will choose whoever you consider the better man, and that is how it should be.

You have always put everyone else's needs ahead of your own, so let this be your time.

Do what is best for you.

I think Jacob Black is entirely able to love you as much as I do, so we are starting on a level playing field.

Though maybe not. He can offer you everything fresh and new and untainted.

All I can do is hope you can draw a line under the past, and let us start again. Let us move forward.

Charlie packed all your belongings, and they are here, so stay.

Stay and live in your house, and drive your car, and know I only want what is best for you. I want you to choose right, even if that choice is not me.

I love you with all my heart, and I always will.

That's my burden, not yours.

You need to do what your heart dictates and whoever you do not choose needs to suck it up and move on.

Think about yourself, only.

I wouldn't want it any other way."

He handed me the keys and I looked into his eyes and saw only sincerity, and love.

"Thank you, Edward. I know this is hard for you, and believe me, it's hard for me too. I want to get it right.

I feel like this is my last chance.

I know both you and Jacob are offering me the same thing, and it's down to me to go with my gut and choose wisely.

I promise not to drag this out too long.

If you decide at any point that it's just not worth it, then walk away.

I will understand and even if you do, it won't mean I automatically go to Jake.

There's a third option available to me now.

I can afford to live alone, and not tie myself down to any man.

It isn't what I want but who knows, maybe it is what I need in the long run.

Maybe I don't have enough to offer either of you.

Maybe I will never have a son.

Maybe I will end up alone because I messed with the hearts of two good men, and hurt them both too much for them to even want me.

I don't know, but thank you for giving me the option of being independent."

He leaned forward and took my hands in his own.

"I know you will make the right choice, I just want it to be your choice. Don't let anyone else influence you. Don't feel obliged to either of us, if you would rather live alone."

He stood up and pulled me into his arms, and just held me for the longest time before releasing me again.

"Go look through the house properly. You haven't really looked in every room with the eyes of the owner.

Go see if you want to make changes.

I can have the builders add another balcony if you want.

They are working next door on my new house anyway, so anytime you think you want something added or altered, go tell Marcus to do it first before they finish building my house."

"You are going to live next door?" I questioned. I wasn't sure if that would be a good thing or not.

I did always want him to be in my life, but next door?

If I chose Jake, that could be awkward.

"Think of it this way. Scarlett won't have far to travel when she comes home and visits us both. We can put a gate in the dividing fence and she can go from one house to the other at will."

"I guess that makes sense. But Edward, if I choose Jake, how will you feel about us living as a family right on your doorstep?"

"Bella, I want you in my life in whatever capacity you offer me. You can have all of me, body,soul, heart, or you can have me as the neighbour you pop into visit and borrow sugar from.

I can live with either scenario.

I don't have to tell you what I prefer, because you know that already, but if all I ever have to look forward to is a friendly wave over the fence and to stand at your side when your son gets baptised and be his Godfather, so be it.

It's more than I have now, and I want to be there and see your son grow up."

"You seem awfully sure that I am going to have a son. Why?" I questioned.

Edward actually blushed.

"Oh God, you visited Alice.

She told you."

I couldn't help the feeling of joy that flooded my body.

I am going to have a son!

Whose son remains to be seen, but now I know I will get one of my dearest wishes granted, it changes the way I will look at my men.

Jake or Edward will be the father of my boy child, and I need to keep that in mind, because this child needs the best father I can offer him.

"Where are you going to live?" I asked as it suddenly occurred to me that Edward was making himself homeless.

"In the cottage. It won't be for long."

"But you hate living near your parents."

"I do, but actually it won't be an issue. Esme wants to move somewhere warmer. I think she is convinced Scarlett will come back to live with them after she graduates. She thinks all young people would prefer California, so Carlisle is already there, scouting out houses to narrow down to a short list for Mother to look through."

"Do you think Scarlett will go back to them?" I asked. California was definitely a bribe and she might just prefer beaches and sun to cold and wet.

"I actually think Scarlett may surprise us all and do exactly what she wants to do with her life."

"Good for her," I replied. "I know you have made that an option for her financially. Thank you, Edward."

He shrugged.

"Who knows. If she ends up coming back here, and you and I are together, we can live in this house. She can have the new house.

Or if you and Jake decide living next door to me is not an option, you could give her this house and I will have my daughter next door.

However you choose, I want you to choose for you, and you alone."

I nodded but I would not be choosing for me alone completely, now, would I?

I have a future son to consider.

"I should go. Let you explore and think about how you want to redecorate. Call me if you need to know anything.

Marcus will be on site tomorrow if you need to ask him about ripping out walls or whatever.

Good night, Bella."

Edward stepped forward and held me in his arms and I noticed his breathing change.

I reached up and kissed him and watched his eyes become hooded with desire.

So, I do still affect him.

He closed his eyes and sighed, and stepped away.

"You don't want to stay over to celebrate my new status as homeowner?" I asked hopefully.

Edward shook his head.

"You enjoy yourself and I will head for the cottage and sleep easier, knowing I have done right by you at last. Goodnight, Bella."

Well, he may sleep better but my body informed me loudly that it was going to be in a state of unrelieved tension now for some hours.

Damn the man and his self control.

xxxx

EPOV

Emmett slammed a glass of beer down in front of me and laughed.

"Here to ask me what colour my new bike will be?" he asked.

"Nope."

"You gave her a house and a car and she didn't even thank you?"

"She thanked me. She even invited me to stay the night but I said no."

"Edward...it's a Harley. One little bike. It will not even make a dent in your petty cash. Just buy me the bike and go reclaim your woman.

Again."

"Nope. I can be strong. I've had a lot of practice, remember. I stayed away from Bella for seven years even though every inch of me screamed out to go to her. I used to dream of kidnapping her and taking her to Esme's island and keeping her there in the house.

Sinking the boat so she couldn't escape.

Only the knowledge that we'd both eventually starve to death kept me from doing it."

"You do realise you are playing a very dangerous game, right?"

"I do realise that."

"Yeah. Don't ever forget she is dating Jacob Black on alternate nights and I have a feeling he will not be denying her anything, if you get my drift."

"Emmett, I trust Bella with my life. She promised not to sleep with him and I know she will stick to that."

"Yeah, I understand. Never in the history of man has anyone slept with the wrong person because the right one is unavailable to them."

"Like I slept with Tanya, you mean."

"Exactly. And after you slept with her you saw her in a new light. You even started considering maybe you could settle for her.

Let's hope Bella doesn't make that same mistake and start thinking Jacob is the better option because she is blinded by all the hot loving he is offering her."

It was a risk, a real risk, but Bella was going to do what was best for her, so I had no choice but to live with it.

xxxx

BPOV

Sitting on my balcony watching the sun rise over the ocean made me feel like I was just a tiny speck; a grain of sand on the beach.

Whatever happened to me, the world would keep turning.

Very few people would be affected by my choice.

Potentially, one of the two men would feel bad for a while but we are all adults, nobody is dying, and we will all go on living with whatever happens.

My cell beeped and I answered.

"Mom, how are you?"

"Scarlett," I said excitedly. I always love to hear the sound of her voice.

"What's up?"

"I want to sound you out. The thing is, I am loving London but I don't feel ready to start at Oxford this year. I am thinking of taking a gap year. I promise I will step up and attend next year without fail but I really want to take a year long break and have some fun. I never got to have any fun living with Carlisle. It was all study and learn and prepare for my future but I keep thinking, for all we know I could get hit by a meteorite and who will care then if I started college this year or next? Not me. Not you and Daddy."

I laughed.

"I guess that makes sense. I know Carlisle did not ever give you a chance to behave like a teenager. He seems to have a problem with recognising that young people will always want to take their time growing up.

I don't see a problem with you waiting.

Will you come home?" I asked hopefully. A final year with Scarlett would be amazing. "I have a nice house now. Your Daddy gave me his house last night. You can come live with me."

"I could. And I want to, of course but..."

"What? Tell me your plan. What do you really want to do?"

"I want to travel. Bree is going to do a trip abroad and I want to go with her. Please, Mom. I really want to do this. I want to go to Italy, and Spain. And Paris! Everyone loves Paris.

I want to backpack, and have everything I need in one bag. I want to feel what it's like to not be surrounded by possessions.

Bree is a minimalist, and she doesn't own a house or anything. She can just pack up and move on, no drama.

I want to know what that's like."

It figured Bree would reject all unnecessary possessions after the way Esme had overindulged her as a child. The girl had lived in a room with more toys than a toy store. She had her own carousel, for Heaven's sake.

She had clothes made especially for her but once she wore them, out they went to the charity shop.

Renee had always grabbed any of Bree's castoffs that were on offer there and bought them, then put them away for when I'd be old enough to wear them. If not for Esme's extravagance I would have had a much sparser wardrobe.

Scarlett had been treated much the same, so I understood her yearning to see what it was like to have everything you owned in a backpack on her back.

"Have you told your father?" I checked.

"No, I sort of hinted a little to him to see how he reacted, but I thought if you were on my side, he might agree."

"Just ask him, Scarlett. You have access to your trust fund; one of them, anyway. Your father would never stand between you and your money, you know that. I'm just worried about you two travelling alone. Two girls. You will have to be very careful. Don't do anything reckless. Don't ever put yourself in danger."

"Don't worry, Mom. Bree will be delighted that you see her as a girl still. She is older than you. And anyway, a couple of her friends are coming too. Some are men. Her ex boyfriend and his brother. Maybe another guy she knows from her work. He just got divorced and wants to get away for a while. Anyway, there will be men. We will be protected."

"When are you leaving?"

"Not for a while. Bree has to get time off her job, and her friends have to get organised too, but I thought it might take Daddy a while to come to terms with it so I thought I would ask now and give him some space before we go. What do you think?"

"What will you do in the meantime?"

"Bree got me a job, waitressing. And I promise will still study and get next year's reading list done before we go so I have it all stored inside my brain when we come back."

I smiled. She could do that, lucky thing.

"I don't see a problem. I'll talk to your father. You should call him yourself in a few days."

Edward would need time to consider all consequences but on the other hand, he did not want to restrict his only child from living life and enjoying herself now while she could.

All too soon the responsibilities of adulthood would rush towards her.

I was sure he would agree to a single year of fun and travel and excitement.

Lucky Scarlett.

I envied her a little. Being young and free and having the opportunity to enjoy it.

Delaying the start of having to be responsible could only be a good thing.

I hoped she had a ball.

xxxx

Jake was furious when I told him my new address.

He was convinced Edward had given me the house as a way to make me choose him.

I explained over and over that Edward had just seen it as a way of paying the debt he felt he owed me. Now we were even.

I had not allotted him any extra Brownie points.

Naturally, Jake being Jake tried to outshine Edward, and on our next date he handed me a set of keys of his own.

"What are these to?" I asked as he sat there smirking.

"A six bedroom apartment in Paris Fully furnished. Complete with housekeeper, and chauffeur on call 24/7. It's own rooftop garden with views to die for. We can live there most of the year. It can be our base, but if you want houses anywhere else, as well, we can just buy them too. A little bit more exciting than a house in La Push, you have to admit."

"Jake, I can't accept this."

"But you had no problem accepting a house from Edward. This is better. This is a home in Paris, Bella. It's the most exciting place in the world. You will love it."

"You are missing the point. Edward just needed for me to come out of our marriage with some form of security. He couldn't offer it to me at the time so he did it now. It's not a bribe. I don't need shiny new toys from either of you."

"Then at least let me buy you a better car than the one he got you."

"I like my car. It's safe and dependable and that's all I ever wanted in a car."

"But you could have something everyone here would notice, and envy. What's the point of having money if I can't shower you with the best of everything?"

"That's sweet, Jake, but it's not necessary. Let's just forget this. Take your keys back. Maybe one day we might visit Paris, but right now we are not even engaged. Giving part time girlfriends an apartment in Paris is a little over the top."

He was disappointed and did not get the point, but he is young.

I appreciated his generosity and even kind of understood why he wanted to outdo Edward, but I had no interest in selling myself to the highest bidder.

Better we just forgot this ever happened and move on.

On our next dates Edward gave me a bunch of wildflowers from the meadow, and Jake hung a particularly large hand cut diamond pendant necklace around my neck.

I accepted it with grace, even though I suspected it probably cost much the same as Edward's house.

If Jake needed to do this to even up the score, so be it.

I had no intention of keeping it if I ended up choosing Edward, and if Jake refused to take it back, I was sure some charity for the homeless would love to take it off my hands.


	9. Chapter 9

It Ain't Over

Chapter 9

BPOV

Rosalie filled my wine glass again and resumed laying back on her beanbag.

"So, update me on the two beau's. Or is it beaux? I wouldn't know, I've never dated two men at once myself."

"Goody for you Actually it's quite nice."

"I suppose they both have to be on their best behaviour all the time. That must be good. Neither game to do anything wrong in case you give him a black mark against his name."

"You may be right as far as Jake is concerned but Edward seems to just enjoy us being together. He acts pretty much as he always did."

"You can't blame Jake for trying harder. He has a lot to beat. You and Edward have always been a natural match.

He must find it quite intimidating watching you two. You are different with him. He moves, you move. Like magnets.

Jake must feel awkward and clumsy by comparison."

"He doesn't need to. They are different men. I don't want Jake to become more like Edward."

"So, who is scoring top marks? Who brings you the nicest roses and best brand of chocolates?" she asked.

I reached for my bag and handed her the latest two boxes from Jake. If I ate every box he gave me, I'd be twice my size by now.

"Yum. DeLafee's. My favourites. Try one, Bella. Maybe not. If you like them you won't keep giving them to me."

"No thanks. I still don't believe the whole 'edible gold' part. If it's gold, it's not edible. If it's edible, it's not gold. Anyway, who wants to eat gold, edible or not?"

"Keep telling yourself that. From Jake, I presume?"

"Of course. I wish he would relax and give me something simple.

A bunch of daisies.

I mean, every woman likes a nice professionally arranged bouquet now and then but daily?

The house looks like a florist shop threw up inside it.

Edward barely stayed an hour after our last date. He sneezed the entire time."

"Poor Eddie. What's he given you this week?"

"He made up a coffee table book full of photos. We never took many ourselves, of course, but luckily Esme was always hovering around with her camera.

Now the house is vacant, Edward has gone over there a few times and looked through all their photo albums and copied the ones he thinks I will like. Mainly ones of Scarlett at every stage of development."

"Cute. How is she by the way? Still waitressing, or has real work lost its appeal?"

"No, she likes it. She gets to meet a lot of people and she likes the other kids who work there at the restaurant.

I think she likes saving up her own earnings instead of just using her trust fund.

Bree has inspired her to become independent and able to survive all by herself should it ever prove necessary."

"Has she been to California to visit the new Cullen mansion?"

"No. Esme has invited her a few times. Apparently there's a vastly superior suite of rooms waiting for Scarlett should she ever choose to go live with them. So far she seems to have a bit of a girl crush on Bree, so she is staying put."

"Esme cannot be pleased about that. I'm surprised she hasn't rushed over to London to reclaim her substitute daughter."

"She and Carlisle have visited of course but Bree insisted they stay in a hotel. She is protecting Scarlett like any good Momma Bear would. I like that. It's good to know someone who lived through her own childhood overindulged and cosseted by Esme knows exactly what she is like and what she is capable of. Bree is a great friend to Scarlett."

"It's a wonder Carlisle hasn't found a way to reclaim Bree's trust fund and freeze it. Anything to get her away from the main prize."

"Oh, he can't. Bree has her money, and Scarlett's invested with some bank where she is good friends with the manager and Carlisle has no influence. He will never get his hands on any of it.

Once Edward gave Scarlett control of her own inheritance, Carlisle's money became irrelevant. Scarlett doesn't need anything from them now."

"Where is your big ass necklace Jake gave you, by the way? Scared of being mugged if you wear it?"

"No, but it is pretty heavy. Everytime I turn my head I risk whiplash."

Rose got up and flicked through her vinyls.

She is a believer that cd's and iPods do not capture sound as purely as good old records.

Janis Joplin filled the room with her sad tale of love and loss. I could relate.

Freedom was just another word for nothing left to lose.

"_I'd trade all my tomorrows, for one single yesterday, to be holding Bobby's body next to mine..." _we both crooned along with her.

"Bella, you said 'Edward's' body" Rose laughed.

"I did not. You imagined it."

"It's not me imagining things. Admit it, you'd love to be holding Edward's body next to yours."

"I do get to lay beside him. Sadly he always insists on covering me in several layers of quilts. I think he is using them like a giant condom. Safe sex taken to the extreme. He is always so in control. It's weird."

"Hmm. I can't see why he wouldn't be pushing the limits all the way. He must know if he gave in and just shagged you, you would forget Jacob Black exists."

"It's definitely a possibility. Jake's not nearly such fun as he was now we haven't slept together all these months. It's one thing having a hot, young fit guy in your bed, it's another thing having to talk to him.

He thinks the movies we saw as kids are vintage classics. He listens to these weird new bands that have no idea what real music is. Miley Cyrus?

Explain why she was naked on that wrecking ball."

"No idea. Maybe her version of a sex tape. Well, if you date teenagers you have to expect them to like teenage things."

"He's twenty six in a weeks time."

"But isn't the rule now that you have to deduct ten years from a guys age to get his true emotional age?"

"Rose! That makes him sixteen."

"And that makes you a true cougar. You could be his Mom 'emotionally'."

"Gross. Give me more wine."

"Whose night is it tonight? I've lost track."

"Jake's. Edward and I went out last night."

"So, where is Jakey Boy taking you? Disneyland to go on all the rides or are you staying in and watching Tellytubbies?"

xxxx

We ended up going to a restaurant in Port Angeles.

Jake was in a strange mood. Usually he put on his 'ideal date' persona, but tonight he seemed a little fed up and impatient.

"When does this all end? I have to travel again soon and I want you to come with me. How much longer are we pretending you are considering taking your ex husband back?"

"I am considering that, Jacob."

"No way. If you were in love with him you wouldn't be here with me. You would have sent me packing from the start. Face it Bella, if it takes this long to think about it, it isn't going to happen because it's not what you want more than anything else in the world."

"What do you want more than anything else, Jake?"

"For you to tell Cullen to fuck off and never come back. That's what I want, and I think you do too."

xxxx

Edward suggested our Sunday date should be hiking up to the meadow. I'd avoided it thus far because I knew I'd be overwhelmed by memories.

It wasn't possible to go back to the place where we lost our virginities under the cover of a picnic rug, and not be taken back in time.

He didn't say anything when we finally reached the clearing, just spread the blanket on the grass and started setting out glasses and food.

I walked around, reacquainting myself to the trees that had borne witness to our first successful attempt at lovemaking, and sighed.

Edward walked over and put his arms around me.

"We may not have ever made it to Paris, but we will always have this meadow."

"Maybe not. It is so beautiful up here, someday whoever owns it will build something here and we won't be able to trespass any more."

"I don't have any plans of ever building here. Not unless you want to. Maybe a cosy little cabin in the woods would be nice."

"You own this?" I asked in surprise.

"Bella, it's the very first thing I bought when I got my inheritance. Keeping it just like it was has been very comforting through the bad years. I have visited often. Sat back over there against that tree and just remembered."

"Lots of memories," I agreed. "Why didn't you ever come after me and try to get me back?"

"You didn't want me to. You asked for your freedom and I gave it to you. That's what love is. Setting someone free and waiting to see if she comes back. I wanted you to do it in your own time, but I admit I had given up. I had considered moving on.

Ha!

How impossible that proved to be.

I dated four women in those seven years and Tanya was the only one who lasted more than a month.

Even she only kept my limited interest because lust was rearing it's ugly head."

"Yes. Abstinence is a bitch, right? Didn't you sleep with any of her sisters, then?"

"No. What about you? Did anyone sneak past my constant stalking of your house to see who was getting allowed inside? I never saw anyone stay overnight."

"You stalked me? Why?"

"Because if you had taken on a lover then I would have given up. I never saw a single strange car parked outside."

"But you knew I was dating Jake and you didn't just walk away. How come?"

"You know why. That night reminded me of everything we once were. Everything we could be again. That night reawakened a lot of things, including my eyes.

I saw clearly that all Tanya had been was a way to resume my sex life but although it hadn't seemed completely empty at the time, making love to you made me compare the experiences.

There is no point having sex unless you make love.

That's how it is for me, anyway."

"Mmm. I guess I always thought that. But sometimes it can be a beginning. I needed to know there was a chance I could resume life. Living above Charlie's garage, never dating, never going out to enjoy myself unless you count being the third wheel with Emmett and Rose... It wasn't the life I wanted."

"And now you have the chance to choose between two hopefully better lives. Whichever way you choose I really do believe you will get what you want. A chance to be happy, and to have a new family. I can't help feeling excited for you even though I don't have a clue which future you will choose.

I wish Jake was a tool. I wish he was someone I could hate, but he is a good guy. I have talked to Charlie a lot about Jacob Black and I am satisfied he would be good for you.

You managed to endure the years it took me to mature and become a man, so you can do the same with him."

He smirked and I slapped his back.

"Jake is very mature for his age. He's had a lot of experiences. He's travelled, and met a lot of people, and become famous. He could choose just about any female and he has chosen me. That makes me hesitate and really think things through. If he wasn't sincere, he would have kissed me Goodbye months ago.

No guy wants to go through this stupid situation. I know I'm freezing time, keeping everyone involved in a time warp.

I need to make a choice and let us all live again."

"And that means letting at least one of us go. Maybe both."

"You don't want to keep dating if I decide I don't want anything permanent?"

"Bella, I want whatever you will give me."

Edward kissed my lips and hugged me tighter. I ran my fingers through his hair and kept his face close to mine so he couldn't pull away. I watched his eyelids flutter and close.

"No. Open your eyes, I want to look into them," I begged.

"I can't...I have to close them," he replied, trying to step back.

"Edward, what are you doing? Are you afraid of me?" I asked suddenly. As stupid as that seems, with him being almost a foot taller and definitely a lot heavier, that was how he was acting.

"I can't trust myself not to get out of control with you unless I close my eyes," he admitted.

"Then keep them open. Be out of control," I begged.

"I want to, believe me. But I can't. We have to keep our eyes on the bigger picture."

"Okay. Fine. Under what circumstances would you agree that we can make love, then?"

"If you decided you were ready to say Goodbye to Jake. Not before."

"Edward, What do you want more than anything else?"

"For you to be happy. For you to know your own mind and be happy."

"What if the one thing that would make me happy was to have another baby?"

"I know you want that. I guess I would agree to father the boy if that's what you wanted."

"Really? You would agree to giving me a baby without forcing to marry you first?"

"If that was what you wanted."

"I find that hard to believe. You insisted we got married before Scarlett was born. You said you didn't want any child of yours coming into the world to anything but a proper family waiting for them."

"I guess I've gotten more flexible in my old age. I want us to have a baby and I told you that you could have as much or as little of me as you wanted. If you really want this baby, and want me to be the father, then you need to break up with Jacob Black. That's my only condition.

I would want our son to know I was his father and I would be part of his life on a daily basis. But if you want us to live next door to one another, then I guess I would have to endure it if you gave me no other choice."

I pushed him back against 'our' tree and he lifted me in his arms. I wound my legs around his hips and rocked against him.

"Bella.." he said warningly.

"If two people make love in a forest and nobody hears them, did it really happen?," I murmured, moving against the hardening bulge in his jeans.

Finally.

I watched his eyes hood and heard him sigh.

He slumped to the ground, laying me beneath him on the rug, and hovering above me.

I have never wanted anything as much as I wanted him right then, but the one thing that stopped me was the resignation in Edward's eyes.

He can read me, but I can read him just as easily.

He wants this but not now, not this way.

I rolled us so I was on top, and moved further down so I was merely straddling his legs.

"It's okay. I understand. I think you should take me home. I have things I should be doing. Charlie will expect the Sunday roast ready at seven pm sharp as always."

It was barely one o'clock but we needed to end this.

I stood up and walked over to the creek and pretended to watch the tiny fish swimming amongst the rocks, while Edward packed everything up again.

xxxx

EPOV

I was pretty sure I was insane for not just agreeing that a tryst in the woods could exist only in our minds. If Jake never knew then who were we hurting?

But what if she wants to get us back on a level field and decides she owes him now.

We walked down the hill to the car in silence.

I wasn't sure how much more of this I could stand.

"Could you drop me at the diner, please?" Bella asked. "My phone battery is almost flat. I don't want to risk missing a call from Jasper. It must be happening any old day now. Jess will let me charge it there, and then I can go to the supermarket and grab some things I need for dinner. I'd enjoy the walk home."

I nodded and hoped she was not feeling the widening gulf between us that I was.

This was not a step back, I told myself.

She stopped us.

She understands.

She said she understands.

I'm not sure she knows how crucial it is to free herself of Jake or me, soon. Now.

Before we all end up spontaneously combusting and all we will leave behind are ashes.

"See you Tuesday night. Eight suit you?" I asked as she got out of my car and waved at Jessica, who was sitting at an outside table catching some sun. It was a rare day in Forks when the sun was hot enough to wear Summer clothing but Jess was taking full advantage. She still fit in her Daisy Dukes that she wore back in High School.

"Sure. See you Tuesday," Bella replied.

Her cell buzzed.

"Mike? No, I'm a bit busy today, how about..."

She paused at looked at Jess again.

"No, on second thoughts, meet me at the diner. Now. Maybe we can do dinner tonight."

She laughed and leaned back into the car.

"Maybe I can finally push this pair together. I bet once he sees how long her legs are, and what a pretty rack she has, he won't even notice me leaving."

"Good luck with that," I replied.

Maybe he would but to me, any other woman was eclipsed by Bella.

I wouldn't notice if Jess was naked.

xxxx

I took a shower and lay down on my bed.

Were we progressing? Was Bella any more sure about who she wanted, if either of us?

She has always been so independent that I worry that she will choose to have the baby and raise him alone.

But I know I won't deny her the right to do that.

What if Jake has offered something even better?

Like, just being the sperm donor?

Walking away.

Letting Bella have complete care and control over every aspect of the child's life.

Maybe it had been a test.

Maybe Jake had refused to even consider impregnating her unless she married him first.

Maybe that was what I should have said as well.

Had she simply been trying to find out which one of us could not live without her, without making her his wife; without giving her a proper family?

Had I failed?

My work cell lit up.

"Edward, I am on the way to the hospital. Alice isn't having regular contractions yet but she says we have to go now, and that the baby will be born within the hour. I'm not doubting her now. Can you meet us there?"

"Of course. I'll arrive before you. See you in five."

So.

It's time.

After months of having to share Bella with Jake, tonight it ends.

It's all over bar the shouting.

The baby will arrive, and Bella will take one look and know what she wants to happen.

It could be the beginning of us.

Or it could be the end.

xxxx

With my parents living in Los Angeles, we are short staffed and have to depend on locums taking up the slack, but tonight I'm on call and the other doctors here are new.

Better me than one of them, ushering this precious life into the world.

"One more push," I promise.

Emmett is sitting outside, having decided he didn't need to see Alice's 'hoohah', especially in this state.

Rose is at Alice's right hand side and Jasper sits behind her, supporting her back.

I offered him the chance to be the first person to touch his baby as it emerges but he assured me he was fine with that person being me.

I'm to be a Godfather anyway.

He feels Alice needs him more than the baby does as this point.

Everything has gone textbook smoothly, to my relief.

"And the head is out," I announce excitedly.

This child means more than just being my Godson.

His birth is the catalyst Bella needs to choose, and even though I am no more sure which way she is leaning, I need it to be over.

"And here he is. Say hi to Mommy and Daddy, little man."

The midwife cleans him up and I deliver the placenta and hand it to the nurse to take away to be examined.

Everything looks perfect.

Alice would know if there were any issues with the baby and she has already told me things this boy will do when he is an adult so I don't have to fret about his health.

He is fine, and his lungs are working particularly well as he screams his anger at being thrust out into this world.

"Oh wow," Rose gushes, leaning closer and to my surprise, shedding a tear or two.

"He's perfect. He's so tiny. Look at his hands. They are like doll's fingers."

I shrug off my not so clean scrubs and change into another pair and when I go back into the delivery room, Bella is there.

I had called her a few times and kept her updated.

Alice is watching Bella's face warily, waiting.

I watch too, waiting also.

Bella takes the offered bundle and straightens up, gazing into the newborns eyes.

Rose immediately rushes over, wanting to hold the child herself.

Alice and I exchange looks.

Sure enough, suddenly Bella starts to cry.

"Dammit, it's time. I want one of these. I want my own little baby boy."

She hands the baby to Rose's eager hands and turns to leave.

"No," Alice says as I rush to grab Bella's arm.

"Let me go, Edward. I have to find Jacob."

"Bella, just wait. Just think for a minute. You and I could have another baby together.

I'm more than willing. You don't have to choose him. Please."

She stares at me then shakes my hand off.

"I have to do this, Edward. You swore you would never stand in my way."

"Please," I begged again.

Bella gave me an impatient shove and pushed past into the hallway.

Emmett jumped up.

"What's wrong? Why is Bella crying? Is the baby okay?"

"Everything is fine," I replied, sitting down.

"Where is she going then?"

"To find Jake," I admitted, defeated.

xxxx

**Cheers for reviews, have a good weekend, be back next week hopefully. School is about to resume here so I have to go buy uniforms etc for Declan, I'll be back once he's settled in. Oh, and btw, for those who asked on my other user about the baby, Carter can walk now. He will be one late Feb, and is doing fine.**


	10. Chapter 10

It Ain't Over

Chapter 10

BPOV

Jacob looked up in surprise as I walked into Billy's house. He started to smile his usual wide white smile then it faltered.

"Bella? What are you doing here? Not that I'm not glad to see you but it's not our night."

Immediately his eyes widened.

"Does this mean...Have you broken up with Cullen?" he asked hopefully. "It's about time. He was no good for you and you know. He already had his chance and he blew it."

"Jacob, please. Can we take a walk?"

Although Billy was not in the room, he was in the house, and I didn't need an audience to this conversation.

Jake narrowed his eyes.

"Okay. Are you sure you don't want to go to dinner somewhere instead? We should do this with champagne and flowers."

I led the way and we walked along the shoreline, our feet just managing to avoid the edge of the water of the incoming tide.

"You are right about one thing. I have chosen. Champagne and flowers are not what's needed. Maybe a wreath. I'm sorry, Jake, but it was always going to be Edward. I apologise for wasting your time but it's been building up a little at a time and now I can't deny it any longer.

I've just had an epiphany.

I want to be with Edward. I want to have his baby. I don't want a new life, just a better version of my old life.

He and I were robbed.

If I chose you I would always regret losing Edward whereas you and I were never meant to be."

"So, this is your 'it's been fun but fuck off' speech? I'm not going anywhere."

"Jake, you said you have to leave for your tour soon so why not just walk away now? I have nothing to offer you. I am sorry and yes, there was a time when the idea of having a completely different life did appeal to me but today I met Alice and Jasper's newborn son and it just flashed into my eyes.

I want to be on that delivery table where Alice was, and I want to be holding my little auburn haired son.

I want Edward's baby.

I want Edward.

It's time we moved on. You have a million girls clamouring at your door, go let one of them in."

"But you are the girl I want. Have you really thought this through? What makes you think it will be any better this time round? He's still the same selfish prick he was when you were married. What's he got that I haven't?"

"My heart," I replied softly. "My heart and all my love. One hundred per cent. I love him, and I love Scarlett. She is a part of us. But after them, I have no love left for anyone else. I have nothing to offer you.

I can't live without my husband and my child, but I can live without you. I'm sorry, Jake."

"But we can stay friends," he insisted.

"You do not want to stay and watch Edward and I get back together. There's nothing in it for you. Think about it logically. We really have very little in common, and the age difference is a factor, no matter how much you deny it.

I'll always be ten years older than you.

You don't care now but you will, Jacob. You will.

Just be glad I finally came to my senses. I am not good for you, I never will be.

What's the point of being second best?

You deserve someone better able to love you. Simple fact.

Edward did the right thing and I should have followed his example.

He acknowledged that Tanya was not what he wanted and he ended it.

Quickly and cleanly.

I should have done the same.

I am ashamed of failing to do that. He deserved for me to, and so did you.

He admitted we were meant to be back together but I selfishly kept my options open, and I should never have done that. It wasn't fair to either of you."

Jake scowled.

"If you are serious, then know this. You will never see me again. I mean it. I will go so far away our paths will never cross again.

You won't know if I am dead or alive and even I don't know what I am going to do.

Without you there is no point in living. I'll die without you. I'd rather be dead."

He was getting very agitated and I wished I knew how to calm him and the situation down.

Fast.

Jake grabbed my shoulder and turned me to face him.

"I will kill myself, Bella.

I swear.

You will have my death on your conscience for the rest of your life."

"Don't be silly," I chided him. "If you did that, it would be your decision. Your actions. Nothing to do with me.

How could you want a relationship where your partner only stayed with you because she was afraid you would do something reckless if she left?

That isn't love.

That's possession and bullying."

"Bella, you don't know what you are saying. I love you. I love you more than he ever did. I need you. How could you live with yourself if you had to wake up every day and know I killed myself because of your choice?"

Now he was just fooling himself.

"I'm truly sorry for everything I let you think. I did try to keep you aware that I was just not as into you as you were into me.

I was flattered and I needed someone but it was never you, Jake. I did tell you so many times in so many ways that there could never be anything real or lasting between us.

Don't use what we did share as a weapon. Keep your pride and just walk away."

"Never. You have killed me."

Now he was just being childish. I felt myself losing patience. Edward was waiting and I suddenly realised he could have taken my leaving like that completely the wrong way.

I had to end this pointless conversation and go back to him.

Jake was keeping me from doing what I needed to do, and delaying things was hurting Edward. That was not acceptable. This had to end. Now.

I deserved to be punished for what I had done but Jake was not the one entitled to punish me.

" Jake, by not deciding earlier, I have used you to torture the only man I have ever loved. I should have stopped this from ever happening from the start. I never really considered you an option. Wake up, Jake. You may hate me for what I have done, and that is perfectly fair. I deserve your hate.

I have always known that you could never be what Edward has always been to me.

But you cannot kill yourself.

You are fooling yourself if you think you could put a permanent blight on my life.

I'll be with Edward.

I'll be creating my new family.

I will remember you, of course, but let it be for the right reasons. Let it be because we did share something, and it was fun while it lasted, but it's over.

Celebrate what we had and let go. Please, Jake.

You will find someone who loves you as much as I love Edward and then you will be glad I cut you loose."

"It kills me to know you are giving him a second chance. He doesn't deserve it."

"Of course he does. Edward never did anything wrong. Simple fact. He has always put me first and now I can see that. I was wrong to ever leave him after pledging to stay with him for richer or poorer, through better and worse.

I dismissed our wedding vows when things got too hard and that was wrong.

I have a lot of making up to do, and I will spend the rest of my life doing all I can to make Edward happy."

Jacob scoffed.

" I can believe you love him more than life itself, I guess I always knew that. But Cullen isn't capable of loving you back nearly as much."

"Jake, you weren't there when Scarlett was born. He had the same look on his face when he saw his daughter for the first time as Jasper did today when he saw his son.

And then he looked at Alice like Edward looked at me.

Like I had done something so miraculous, so unbelievable, for him.

Carried his child, given birth to a person who is us, combined.

Made from our love.

A physical proof of what we feel in our hearts.

I may have forgotten the early passion and the heat between us two because life wore me down but I never forgot the look on his face. Something already perfect had just borne fruit and added to itself. It had just gotten impossibly even better.

The look he gave me of being loved so completely, and loving someone back so completely...it's impossible to put into words. When Scarlett was born Edward and I became linked in a way that can never be unlinked.

I know it's not like that for everyone. My birth did not bring about anything profound for my parents, they remained just two people who made a baby.

We are different; we became a whole new family,and created a brand new world of our own. Nobody else exists in our world, just us.

Today that came back to me like a lightning bolt.

That world still exists and we can not only get it back, we can add another little person to it.

The divorce, the years apart, suddenly none of it is important.

The only important thing is wiping the slate clean and beginning again, and getting it right this time.

I have wasted too many years trying to kid myself that I can exist without Edward, and he without me.

I have had my eyes smacked wide open today.

He and I being together is all that is important."

"But what about me, Bella?"

"I'm sorry I wasted your time. I'm even more sorry I wasted time that Edward and I could have spent together.

I was blind, but now I see.

I have so much making up to do, I just pray Edward can forgive me."

"Then there is nothing left to say. Goodbye, Bella. Speaking of waste, I'm sorry you are wasting your life with him."

"Goodbye, Jake. Be happy. Be safe. You will always be right here, in the smaller side of my heart. I'm sorry I couldn't love you but I can see now, it was always him."

xxxx

EPOV

"Edward, could you come back in? Alice is having kittens in here."

Jasper looked distraught. Somehow I was spoiling the best day of their lives.

"She really needs to talk to you. Please."

I didn't see the point. I didn't need for her to tell me how my life would be without Bella. I'd already lived it. This time it would be even worse.

What had I been thinking? Why had I played fair?

And who the fuck talks up his competitor ?

I should have dug for dirt on him and somehow made sure Bella found out about every dumb thing he ever did; every mistake he ever made...

Dammit.

I followed him inside.

"If you are going to tell me how sorry you are then just don't. Okay? I can't handle anyone's sympathy yet. Just..."

"Shut up and let Alice speak," Rose said loudly.

"Edward, when I said 'no' it was because I saw you were going to try and stop Bella from leaving. You had to let her go. She has to break up with Jacob now, now she is seeing things clearly.

That's all she could think about.

She barely saw you as she left, she was rushing out to save her own life and she needed to tell Jacob that.

She wants you, and she wants her baby to be yours, and he will be.

He will be born before Austin Jasper Whitlock turns one year old. I promise you that. It's all settled now. Bella is going to have your baby."

I felt my body unfreeze and flood with warmth.

Bella was coming home.

At last.

"And the other baby?"

Alice shrugged.

"Still there but it's not hers so what do you care?"

"I guess I don't," I agreed.

"She's on her way back here to you. Go meet her, Edward. My baby and I will be fine."

xxxx

Bella was stepping from her car when I rushed to the parking lot.

I saw the look of desperation on her face when she saw me, and I knew my own face looked the same.

We met in the middle, surrounded by cars and visitors and patients who had been discharged, but saw none of them.

My arms reached for her and she ran into them, and finally, finally, the world righted itself.

"Edward, I'm so sorry, I've been such a fool," she sobbed, and I kissed the tears and the words away.

"it doesn't matter. Everything is alright now. You are back where you belong."

"I know," she cried," and this time I am staying forever."

Our lips met and I felt our hearts meld back together.

Whatever happened before, whatever happened from this point forward, we would have one another, and it truly was all that mattered.

xxxx

Emmett intruded into the dream and brought us back to reality as he walked towards us, clapping his hands.

"Fucking finally. Now maybe we can all get on with our lives. You two were spoiling everything with your fucking about, and your Tanya and your Jake bullshit.

Behave yourselves, and if either one of you ever tries to walk away from the other again, I will be forced to slap you down. Or Rose will.

She might be smaller than me but she packs one heck of a punch.

Now get out of here.

The locum's arrived.

Jasper and Alice said to tell you thanks, but go.

They don't need you any more."

"Get in my car," I said to Bella.

She hesitated.

"What about my car?"

"Bella, so help me, you worry about something as unimportant as a car right now and I will push it off the cliff to join the other one. Get in my car."

xxxx

I was forced to leave Bella briefly as I stood under the shower and washed away the blood and the sweat and the tears that this day had left on my body.

She stood by for a minute or two, watching, then stripped away her own clothing and joined me, and as she smoothed the soap over my body and ran her fingers through my hair, I grinned and knew what we had gone through was over, and worth it, if it had gotten us to this point.

It felt like it had all those years ago, when we were 'too young to know our own minds'. We had known.

And we had been right.

There never would be anyone else for either of us, and it didn't matter at all, because we now knew no matter what life handed us, we were going to survive the journey together.

They had done their worst, and yet here we were.

I wrapped Bella in a bath towel and dried myself off.

"Tonight, my love, we just talk.

Tomorrow we go to the meadow where we began, and scare the bunnies away."

She pouted.

"Baby, we need to take our time, and talk through every single thing, and let go of it all. Like it never existed."

"I truly do not deserve you, Edward."

"Of course you do. Nobody else can hurt me like you did, but that's only because nobody else means to me what you do. I trust you, Bella, despite everything. I trust you to make things right, and I will do all I can to help you.

We got lost, but we found our way back to one another.

That's all that is important."

xxxx

BPOV

The conversation proved to be painful and I was glad there would not be lovemaking afterwards, to be honest.

It didn't belong in the same evening as this talk.

"How do you feel?" Edward asked as he sat down on the largest of the cushions and pulled me into his lap. The evening was mild, and the stars so clear and close we could almost reach up and touch them.

I was naked, both physically and emotionally, as I huddled against him and stole his warmth inside the many quilts we were wrapped in.

"Guilty. Sorry. Scared to death. I nearly blew everything. I nearly ruined not only my own life but also the life of the only man I have ever loved. I can't believe how stupid I have been these last few months."

"And Jacob Black?"

"Jake is nothing. I can't explain what I was thinking. I guess seven years without love was more than my brain could handle."

"Not without love. I always loved you."

"Then seven years without you, then. I got desperate. I made mistakes. Jake was a mistake, sure, but walking away in the first place was my biggest mistake."

"Did you love him? At all?"

I sat up and hugged my knees.

"That's the worst of it. I never loved him even a tiny bit so I can't excuse what I was doing.

If I'd thought I loved him, I could see some kind of sense in it.

I knew from the first night I went out with him that he would never fill your shoes, and I didn't even want him to.

I don't know if you can accept the fact I was maybe just insane for a while?

I always knew what I wanted and believe me, it was never him.

But I was scared, Edward.

After all we had been through, how could we just reconcile and forget what we had both done? I spent years thinking you had slept with other women.

That cut into my heart like a knife.

The scars never healed, they just toughened up and made me determined that you could not keep hurting me forever.

I think that's when the craziness began.

Every time you had a new girlfriend was a fresh round of stabbing and a new lot of pain to endure.

The thought that you were inside their bodies, and that maybe you loved them like you had loved me...

Like we were interchangeable.

It was unbearable.

Every time I saw you with Irina or the other two...

And then the real, unavoidable truth.

The truth that wrenched my guts like nothing else.

You did make love to Tanya.

And I betrayed you too.

How could we have done that? How do we ever get past that?

It should never have happened, but we both let it."

"Tanya meant nothing, Bella. You know that."

"But I don't know how to handle that knowledge and just dismiss it away. Can you honestly say you are not torn up inside knowing I let Jake have sex with me? If you say you can just forget, then you are lying."

"I know I have to accept it. I may never forget but it's done and can't be undone."

"Can you believe that Jake was nothing to me?"

I could see in his eyes how hurt he was.

And I knew he was seeing the same pain in my eyes.

We had a very high mountain to climb but at least we had one others help to get to the top and run down the other side.

We could not do anything to undo what we had done and we were both guilty. Something precious had been destroyed by our stupidity and recklessness, and we could never be quite the same.

We had always rejoiced over the fact we had never been with any others and now that special piece of us was gone forever.

It truly was like starting life again but without a limb, almost.

Maybe we could get most of us back, but never that one part.

And I knew we would both mourn that forever.

xxxx

EPOV

I wished I could dismiss Jake as easily as I dismissed Tanya.

Bella was right.

While I could rationalise what I had done, and could truly believe it had merely been a thoughtless act of stupidity not worth another mention, knowing she had been intimate with Jake was different.

She was MY Bella.

He had no right to touch her.

And she had let him.

I had been with Tanya but it hadn't changed or meant anything.

Why couldn't I just dismiss what she and Jake did as easily?

I wanted to tear him limb from limb and I wanted her to feel guilty and to hurt, because she had done wrong by me.

Yet we were equally to blame and we had to get past it.

Dual betrayal.

I am HER Edward.

I had no right to ever be in Tanya's bed.

We had both sinned against what we had been.

The sum of us was bigger than just her and I.

We had been something that we now could never be again.

Always there would be that knowledge that once she slept with somebody else. Who with was not as important as the simple fact she had allowed it.

As I had.

It was like our love was a separate entity and we had both betrayed it.

But there was nothing to be gained by living with regret and shame and guilt and sorrow.

We had to get back and recapture what we had, and try to make up for our folly.

We had to make atonement for what we had done.

Our actions truly had been unforgivable; where do we go from here?

How do we look into one another's eyes, knowing we had mutually betrayed the person we cared about more than any other in the universe, and for so little reason?

Had we loved Tanya and Jake, it would be easier to bear, ironically.

People do things they would never otherwise even consider, when they are in love, but we didn't have that excuse.

The stain will always be there, and ignoring it was not the way to live with it.

Somehow we have to acknowledge it, and move on.


	11. Chapter 11

**Firstly, Australia has been having constant heatwave conditions and at home we are on power restrictions, ie, we can have air conditioning and pool filters but no internet.**

**Before you yell at me for the fade to black, I am writing this in the only time I can, my lunch hour at work, in the office, between answering the phone, so there will not be any explicit sex.**

**I am moving to the city in April and going back to University to do Creative Writing, so maybe someday I will actually be able to write a good story. We can but hope.**

It Ain't Over

Chapter 11

BPOV

Reconnecting in the meadow was all we both hoped it would be. It took us back to the beginning of us.

Starting again is just that.

Edward and I wanted to experience all the things we missed out on last time, like just the simple pleasure of dating.

His house was complete and so we were neighbours, and we did do the waving at one another through the windows, and the chatting over the dividing fence.

Every night that Edward did not work at the hospital, we dated.

Sometimes with Rose and Emmett, or Jaz and Alice; sometimes as a group, but mainly it was just Edward and me.

He slept over at mine, or I slept over at his place.

Making love was completely allowable. We were not teenagers and refusing to consummate our love would just be pointless.

How quickly we entered back into that bubble where nobody else existed.

Nothing else seemed important any more.

Jake was gone; who knew where?

I didn't care.

I was sure he wasn't dead. He would never hide away to kill himself, in case I didn't get to hear about it and spend my life regretting what I had done to 'force him' to carry out that tragic act.

Charlie was gone, so I didn't even have to find time for him. Once again, Dad was off chasing the woman he longed to be with but this time it was Jake's aunt, Sue Clearwater, who had gone with the Cullen's to California.

Scarlett was off travelling with Bree and she kept her promise to keep us informed about where she was, and how she was coping with life as a backpacker.

I was a little perturbed that although she messaged us, she had done so in a way we could not message her back in real time.

God knows how long our emails to her went unread as she travelled from country to country.

The details of her trip were at first, greatly detailed, and it was almost like being with her as she described every town, every club, every hotel and practically every meal she ate.

Then suddenly the details became sparse and hurried.

"_I'm here, in France. I'm fine. Tell you more later, gotta go. xxxxx Scar."_

Later never came.

The next message was just as brief and my womanly instincts started to kick in.

Edward was grumbling that France was a very large place and he would appreciate knowing what city or town our daughter was in, and questioning why she never seemed to have time to send more details, so I decided I needed to prepare him.

"Scarlett's obviously really busy with her friends," I began.

"So? Aren't we, her parents, more important than her friends?" he grumbled as he reread her last few sparsely worded messages.

"Maybe not, Edward. She is eighteen."

"And being eighteen has what to do with it?"

I inhaled deeply.

"I am just guessing here but maybe our daughter has become more than just friends with one of the boys in the group. I don't know any more than you do, but usually when a girl that age is suddenly very preoccupied, a man is the reason."

Edward looked shocked.

"I'm calling Bree. This is not acceptable. Scarlett is a child."

I took the cell phone from his hand.

"She is an adult, legally, and face it. Carlisle never gave her the time or space to have a boyfriend. It's not surprising that now she is out from under his thumb that she is trying new things."

"Trying what? Bella, she is barely eighteen."

"And she was born when we were barely seventeen, so it is possible that our little girl is all grown up. Calm down, and accept the inevitable. You swore you would never try to control her life, so back off and accept this is the natural order of how girls her age live. We have been really lucky that she waited this long. Anyway, there's no reason to suspect she is playing fast and loose.

Maybe she is in love.

Maybe she has a real boyfriend."

"We have to do something."

"What? Fly halfway around the world after her and spy on her? Lock her in the basement? No, Edward. We have to set her free and let her live her own life. Now come to bed."

Maybe I was offering sex as a distraction but it never failed, and I owed it to Scarlett to convince Edward to let her find her own feet and have some fun.

We had educated her in the ways to prevent conception and she knew all about 'safe sex', so we had done all we could. All we could do now was hope she made good choices.

I was confident she would never follow our lead and have a baby before she was completely ready, and that time would not come until she finished at Oxford.

It wasn't as it she had ever been baby mad.

She had come home just once before leaving on her trip, to see Jaz and Alice's son, but while she had smiled sweetly when asked to hold the infant and pose for photographs with him, she quickly handed him back as soon as those photos were taken.

She asked me how anyone could stand the 'stinkiness' babies created, and almost dry retched at the very idea when Alice asked her if she wanted to change Austin's diaper.

Nope, the one sure thing I could count on was that Scarlett would not rush into motherhood.

Edward suddenly found a million and one excuses to call his sister every second day but Bree was wise to him and only imparted the most basic information.

Yes, Scar was fine. Yes, she had a boyfriend. Yes, we knew the boy in question. Yes, he was decent and caring and would never hurt her.

Yes, she would put a block on our cell phone number if Edward didn't calm down and go back to calling her once a month as agreed.

That threat made him reconsider, and although he wasn't happy, he was resigned.

I knew he was hurting because we had missed so much of Scarlett's childhood, and I agreed. It was hard, letting go, so soon after finally getting her back, but it was also the right thing to do.

Bree called me separately to reassure me my daughter really was being safe and careful and she was happy, although she refused to tell me the boy's name.

Scarlett felt we would find out soon enough, and if it turned out to just be a crush, why did we need details?

I think she suspected her father would do a background check using Charlie's computer seeing it probably still had access to the police files and whatever record checking programmes cops used, so I could understand her concerns.

If Edward had discovered the boy has even a traffic violation, he'd be on a plane.

I wouldn't say Rose and I rushed the wedding forward merely to provide something concrete to keep Edward busy but some might.

Because of our past history, we both knew this relationship was going to lead to marriage anyway and Rose suggested seeing it took forever to get everything organized, maybe we should start now, and just pretend it was a party we were planning seeing we were still 'just dating'.

It made sense.

She and Emmett were getting married before us, and why hire two wedding planners when one could do both jobs?

Jane proved to be one of those terribly organised people who didn't turn a hair at the challenge, and it was fun. Rose and I went together to the cake tasting and the flower choosing.

We knew the timeline for Edward and I, seeing Alice insisted our son's birth was less than a year away.

Edward made no demands but he did prefer us married before conception, so the baby would not accompany us on our honeymoon but certainly return to Forks with us afterwards.

A honeymoon baby in the real sense.

I had no reason to argue. I was getting everything I wanted even if I was less concerned the order they arrived in.

Everything we had planned last time would happen precisely to plan this time.

"Shall I just invite the same people on Rose's guest list, to our wedding?" I pondered out loud.

We shared most of our friends anyway.

Of course I'd add in my few relatives and whoever else Edward wanted.

"Not if she is inviting Carlisle and Esme," Edward replied.

"Seriously? We are not inviting your parents?" I questioned. I saw no reason to leave them out. This time around they would have no power over us at all.

"I do not want them there. You can invite anyone else on the planet, even Jacob Black for all I care, but do not invite Carlisle and Esme if you want me to turn up," he growled.

"Well, how about your relatives?" I asked.

Edward scratched his head.

"Bree is the only one. I have no contact with my cousins and haven't for years. I don't care who is there. Just have your family and friends. My relatives won't know or care."

"How about close family friends?" I checked.

Edward laughed.

"Like the Denali sisters? I think we can safely assume none of them would want to attend."

"Then who? It's going to be a small wedding if we just have my parents, Rose and Emmett, and Alice and Jaz, plus Bree and her plus one, and Scarlett and her boyfriend."

Edward ground his teeth.

"Come on, we have to meet the mystery boyfriend sometime. Why not at the wedding? It will give us a chance to look him over. But you have to promise to behave and play nicely."

"Do you think your parents will come?" he asked.

"Nothing would keep Renee away but Charlie might not want to travel back this far. Let's face it, he considers us still married anyway. He has always referred to the divorce as our 'trial separation' so he may have other fish to fry. And he likes avoiding my Mom these days.

Don't mention Sue Clearwater around Renee. She might make trouble."

"Why would Renee care who Charlie is dating now?"

"Edward, my Mom may not want Charlie for herself but she probably doesn't want him with anyone else either. She can be a bit of a bitch, admit it."

"Okay, fine. Maybe we should ban all parents and leave it at that. Tell Renee afterwards."

I couldn't think of any way to survive her wrath if she missed an occasion to dress up and flirt with every male in sight, until Emmett had a little tantrum about his own wedding arrangements.

"I thought this was supposed to be about Rose and I, not about every distant relative on the planet, and dozens of business contacts. This is a wedding, not an 'opportunity'. I damn well should have eloped with her."

"Oh, that would end badly," Alice warned. "Rosalie would not take it well if she missed out on her day in the spotlight. But on the other hand, a certain couple who have been there, done that before..."

"Yes!" Edward exclaimed in delight. "We can elope!"

I admit I considered it.

To me and it seemed, to Edward also, the wedding was just the formal announcement that we were back where we belonged. Did we really need a ceremony?

I had never really longed for the long white dress and the three tiered cake, and the spotlight on me. That had been Alice.

It did seem kind of silly, and excessive.

We had done it once, and even though that ceremony had been the short, condensed version, it had always been enough.

Did I even want the whole circus at all?

Elopement would achieve the only goal I longed for.

My name being legally Mrs Edward Cullen again.

Rose glared at me.

"Do not even consider not going ahead with the ceremony. It's practically all arranged. You have paid the caterers in full and the rest have deposits and they are non refundable," she warned.

Edward snorted. Like a couple of grand down the drain would mean anything to him.

He turned and took my hands, and stared into my eyes, and suddenly time stood still, and everyone else disappeared.

"Bella," he snickered quietly, his mouth stretching into that irresistible crooked grin that had captivated me from the very start, "Breathe."

I nodded and concentrated on inhaling some oxygen into my lungs.

Damn man and his dazzling.

"Okay?" he checked.

I nodded again, still incapable of actual speech.

Who knew he could affect me this way, after all this time? I was worse, in fact, than when we were in High School, and back then at least I had the excuse that I was young and inexperienced and was finding out for the very first time the depth of feelings I was capable of.

This time I guess it was because I knew now how it had felt to live without him. It just seemed like even more of a miracle. We had a second chance.

How many people can claim that?

"What I wanted to say was, it is entirely up to you. All I want is to place my ring on your finger again. The rest is just window dressing. I don't mind if we do it in a Registrar's Office, or in a Church, or on a beach. I don't care if we are surrounded by everyone we ever met, or just friends that we care about, and Scarlett of course, or if we are alone, just the two of us.

None of that matters.

All that matters to me is that we walk away together as man and wife again. Legally. Because that is all that is left to do. You know you already have my heart and my love and every breath I take is only so keep me here with you.

My heart beats for you alone, so just do whatever you want to do. Forget Rose, forget Renee.

Do it the way you want to.

I will back you to the hilt."

"I feel the same," I admitted. "I don't know what to choose. Are you sure you won't ever look back and regret not doing it properly? With all the bells and whistles?"

"Bella, you were the one planning your ideal wedding and honeymoon back in school, before we had to hit fast forward and just tie the knot as fast as possible.

I have never regretted any of it.

I just want you to have whatever form of a ceremony you always wanted. I never want you to regret anything ever again. If you feel like you missed out of the fluffy dress and the crowd of onlookers, then we can continue with the current plan, but if you want something different, just say the word. An Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas is fine with me. It's all about what you want."

"I don't know what I want any more," I admitted. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful but all I care about is you officially being mine again. Everything else is irrelevant."

"No!," Rose objected loudly. "You got robbed last time. This time we do it all. Bella, you need this. You want the photo album full of formal shots, and the portrait of the bride and groom up on the wall, and the whole wonderful day that's all about you. Surely. How could any normal woman not want that?"

I guess she had just answered her own question.

Since when had I ever been normal? If I were normal, I would never have let anything as trivial as Edward's reaction to that car Carlisle gifted me tear us apart.

Any normal woman would have known that all that mattered was Edward, and appreciated that he was doing his best, the best anyone could have done in those circumstances, to keep the wolf from the door, in both ways.

He kept enough money coming in to keep us fed and sheltered, and he kept his parents at arm's length for as long as he could manage it.

Edward had never done one single thing wrong.

The failure of our marriage was all down to me, and my weakness.

My inability to understand Edward had always been right about Esme and Carlisle, while I bought the lie.

How had the lie been so much easier to believe than the truth?

I truly believed they just wanted to help, when all they wanted was to take our baby away and keep her for themselves.

"I guess we need to talk about it and decide what we truly want for ourselves," I concluded.

Edward rested his forehead lightly against mine.

"I just want my wife back. I just want a better version of our old life together, and we can have that now."

Rose stomped her foot like a two year old having a tantrum.

"It's all arranged but sure, we can call it off, forget the whole thing. Who cares? Maybe we can give the five course meals the caterers have been paid to cook to the homeless," she fumed.

"That sounds like a plan," I agreed.

xxxxx

EPOV

I stood beside Emmett, my brother by another mother, and watched his wife walk towards us, across the expanse of green grass dotted with wildflowers.

Bella had finally decided this was the only place she wanted to choose as the location of our wedding, and despite Rose's pleas, thats where we stood today.

Behind Rose, walking as gracefully as a ballerina, came Scarlett.

I blinked and cleared my throat, and Emmett grinned at the scowl on my forehead.

Bella had been right.

Our little girl had somehow grown up and become an adult in the months she had been away.

It didn't seem fair, and I was in no way ready.

Wasn't she only born minutes ago? Where had the last eighteen years gone?

Then my bride appeared and my face ignored my brain and I felt myself smile.

Without thinking I stepped towards her.

It was a meadow after all. There were no lines, no walls, no right place to stand.

Just a field surrounded by trees. The same trees that had witnessed our most treasured memories, apart from our daughter's birth.

Bella's hands joined mine and we stood there, facing one another as Jasper said the words that retied the knot that would keep us together forevermore.

Time stood still. My heart beat impatiently and finally I slid the same ring back onto the same finger that had accepted it all those years ago.

I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed the finger.

"Never take it off again," I pleaded.

"Never," she promised, her eyes soft and there was a hint of tears.

"I now pronounce you man and wife," Jasper finished.

"Again," trilled Alice, laughing.

I looked around at the faces surrounding us. All were smiling, happy, speaking words of love and congratulations.

Bree surprised me, she had taken Austin from his pram when he awoke mid service and was standing there, rocking him in her arms.

I had dismissed the idea long ago that Bree could possibly be the future mother of the absent Jacob Blacks child, but only because my sister had seemed so uninterested in ever having a family of her own.

Maybe Alice's baby was making her reconsider.

Nobody had seen or heard from Jake but Bella was unconcerned.

The upside of her never seeing herself clearly was that she refused to consider any man could regret losing her so much as to take his own life.

We went from friend to friend, accepting kisses, handshakes, a thump on the back from Emmett.

Charlie shook my hand enthusiastically and thanked me for the airline tickets I had sent so he and Sue could attend.

I had a feeling there could be another wedding coming up soon.

Renee must have noticed that her ex husband had moved on at last, but in true egocentric style, she was more concerned with scrutinizing every other female present and making sure she had the best frock on.

To most of us the award for Best Dressed Mom would have gone to Esme, but Renee clearly thought otherwise.

My Mom's auburn hair was the perfect foil to her emerald green frock that matched her eyes .

I had no regrets that Bella had requested my parents attend. At first I'd wanted to yell and scream and forbid her asking them then I realised I had promised she could choose every aspect of this day.

And somehow I had come to accept the past was just that.

The past.

We had the present and the future and that was all there was room for.

I wasn't yet sure I could handle a yearly trip to stay with Carlisle and Esme for a visit, but who knows? They do say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and with them living in California, they would have no influence over anything we decided.

Bella had made her peace with them both and Mom had actually admitted she had never seen any other pair endure what we had and come out the other side reunited as strongly as Bella and I.

She even admitted though she had been married longer, she had to acknowledge only a couple in true love would even want to try again, and she freely gave us her blessing, as un needed as it was, and admitted she had been wrong about Bella.

She finally admired her, and saw her for the beautiful, honest person she was.

Of course Bella had always just wanted my parents to like her, so she forgave them a lot quicker than I would.

Scarlett's 'boyfriend' barely spoke English and I agreed with my wife's prediction that this little romance would not last long.

Alice just grinned and said the next boy in line was prettier.

Prettier?

Great.

Just the type of man one hopes his daughter will choose, a pretty boy.

"Hey, you are still a Pretty Boy yourself," Bella warned me.

Jaz started playing his guitar and I took my wife's hand and everyone moved to form a circle around us as I led her through our second 'first dance' as man and wife.

This time it was so much sweeter, even I had to admit that.

This time our marriage was greeted with joy and happiness.

And maybe Bella was right about today being the perfect time to forgive and forget, and start mending fences with my parents.

There was nothing to be gained by holding on to old grudges, and anyway, nobody controlled any aspect of Scarlett's life any more anyway.

She was doing exactly what she wanted.

The caterer's appeared almost silently and in no time the tables were set up over near the brook, and we sat down together.

To my surprise, Carlisle stood and raised a glass to us both.

"Today we bear witness to what I believe is a couple who share a love of the intensity that most of us will never experience. Edward and Bella have endured all manner of hardship and heartache and yet here they are, pledging their love for one another once again. Esme and I deeply regret our actions in the past and if we could turn back time and do things properly, we would. We did not believe that two seventeen year old kids could make proper parents, but they worked together and struggled to raise their beautiful child as best they could, despite us.

Until my dying day I shall regret that we didn't step in and help them. I guess we both thought their marriage was the wrong choice for them and now we have proof of how very wrong we were.

I pray they can make it to the end this time, because I know it is my fault they ever split up in the first place and for that I am sincerely sorry.

Edward, clearly you are the better man, and I salute you, Son.

Bella, what can I say? You knew from the start that you two were a perfect match. And you were right. Maybe one day you can both forgive us our tresspasses. I truly hope so.

God bless you both."

xxxx

The rest of the reception was a happy affair, and as we watched them leave ahead of us, as Bella wanted, I decided maybe our earlier struggles had made us stronger.

I had no doubt we were together forever now.

We knew we could stand up and fight anything that appeared on the horizon, and win.

Nothing would ever come between us again.


	12. Chapter 12

It Ain't Over

Chapter 12

BPOV

"Bella? We have to go now or we will miss our flight," Edward called.

I splashed more water onto my face and grimaced.

Whose stupid idea was it again to conceive while overseas on our honeymoon when we had a three hour flight to endure to get home?

"Baby, are you okay?" my husband asked worriedly, appearing at the bathroom door.

So much for keeping this a surprise to announce as he carried me across the threshold of our La Push home.

Edward looked at my face and suddenly his eyes lit up as he realised the significance of my upset stomach.

"Really? We did it?"

"You did it," I replied darkly, scowling at his brilliant smile.

"Wow. So, it's two for two?"

"Um, what does that mean?" I grumbled.

"Two times in our life we have had unprotected sex together and both times ended in a conception," he said excitedly.

"Yes, Edward, you have Super Sperm," I replied, then stopped speaking as another roll of nausea washed over me. "Go. You don't need to see this."

I raced into the enclosed toilet room and just made it in time.

Edward didn't hesitate.

He was behind me, carefully holding my hair up so it was well out of the way while my stomach heaved up the perfectly cooked eggs my husband had brought me on a tray in bed this morning.

"I think we need to delay our departure," he announced. "Maybe extend the honeymoon for a few weeks until this stage passes."

How simple and easy that sounded.

Of course, Fate had decreed that this pregnancy would be the polar opposite of our first, where I sailed through with barely a hitch.

I'd had no sickness, no bleeding, no ominous pains.

No, all that was saved for this time round.

If it wasn't for Alice's assurances that the baby would go to term and be born alive and healthy, I'd have spent the entire nine months in a state of panic.

By the fifth month, we finally were able to return home.

Carlisle met us at SeaTac and drove us to their Forks home. Desperate to make up for past mistakes, he had insisted on being my live-in obstetrician, even though he rarely delivered babies at all these days.

"Do you want to stay here with us? Esme can look after Bella and make sure she gets plenty of rest and that way there will be no housework or cooking to be done for the two of you."

"Do you still have Sue as your housekeeper?" I asked.

Edward and I were out of the loop. The last five months had been just about the two of us, and the little monster inside whose life mission was apparently to keep us both terrified that either he or I or maybe neither of us would survive this pregnancy.

I actually watched a programme about girls who were using vomiting as a way to control their weight, and identified with them.

Though I wasn't actually bulimic, I followed the same routine they did.

Eat breakfast, vomit.

Eat lunch, same.

Eat dinner, there we go again.

How anyone could choose to live this way was beyond my understanding.

I'd endured weeks at a time in a foreign hospital, with drips and drugs that my body resisted.

Edward had spent many a long night sitting beside my hospital bed, praying for things to improve and ending every prayer with a weird "Thank you God for not making her have to have the other baby as well."

What 'other baby' I had no idea as I had never miscarried, though the first time I overheard him mutter this I had thought maybe I had been carrying twins and had lost one during one of the bleeding episodes that punctuated the vomiting episodes. I chose not to ask him to clarify, seeing I was barely coping physically, and didn't need to add any mental anguish.

Only the knowledge that this would all be over some day kept me sane.

Pregnancy has a pretty predictable ending date and at worst, this would all be over in another fifteen weeks.

I could endure that.

Surprisingly, I didn't have to.

The very first morning I awoke in Forks, we both realised I had slept all night for once, and not only that, I had gotten up to use the toilet as it was designed to be used.

No nausea.

"Maybe the baby just wanted to grow here in Forks, and it was just being difficult because we were in unfamiliar territory," Edward suggested as the day went on with no return of my symptoms

It actually felt quite weird, eating and being able to digest the food again.

Who would have thought I'd be feeling so well that within days I was bored?

Rose and Emmett were away but would return soon. Alice and Jasper came by and seeing Austin reminded me everything I had been through would be worthwhile.

We moved to our house on the beach a week after arriving here, when it did seem the crappy side effects had passed.

I had enjoyed the week.

Esme seemed a completely different person now, and she was happy for us to be expecting this baby. I had half expected her to suggest maybe all the bad stuff wasn't worth the fight to stay pregnant, but she was the one who sat at my bedside and held my hand when Edward was asleep and I was petrified that something new would go wrong.

But it seemed, life was good after all.

My belly was swollen and rounded, and the finally the only thing I felt was strong and healthy kicking at regular interludes throughout the day.

Edward was delighted and loved to place his hand over the spot where his son was exercising to feel the strength of those kicks himself..

Gradually, we settled in and I started to trust my body to keep this infant safe and sound until D Day.

That I was not looking forward to.

Scarlett had slipped from my body with hardly a contraction but something told us this one would not be quite so obliging.

Sure enough, Edwards suspicion that the baby was breech was confirmed by a series of scans.

He liked being head up and he wasn't making any moves to reverse that position before he grew too large to be able to do so.

"C sections are perfectly safe nowadays," Edward kept reminding me. "It will all be over in minutes."

"Lucky you," Alice said. "No grunting and sweating for hours to push a watermelon from a place way too small for that purpose. You missed most of Austin's labour. It wasn't quite the romantic occasion I'd expected. I felt like a brood mare."

"You didn't get a preview?" I asked.

"Nope. As I have told you numerous times, there are things I don't get a single glimpse of. I have no control. I didn't even get a clue about your Mom remarrying."

"Probably just as well," I replied. "I'm glad she moved on but had you told me she was marrying a guy half her age... Yeah. I'm sure this Phil guy is adorable, but please. What is it with people these days? Am I the only Swan left who thinks it's better to date within your own age group?"

"It makes sense that Charlie would support her choice in the circumstances. Bella, Renee will be forever seventeen in her head. There's no way she would have any interest in some guy Charlie's age now."

"And I consider a ten year gap just too much," I sighed. "I'm not sorry to have missed her wedding. I can't imagine I could ever be a good enough actress to pretend I approved of her choice."

Edward and Jasper were in the kitchen, cooking up my favourite food. It was nice to be able to choose food just because I liked it, without having to consider how easy it was to toss up again.

"Those days are over, right?" I checked.

Alice shut her eyes.

"Yep. Next time you toss your cookies will be from an overindulgence of alcohol, you irresponsible thing."

I stared at her.

"Oh Bella, it's in, like, ten years time. And you will think you are drinking non alcoholic cider, but it won't be. You will be fine,"

Rose and Emmett arrived just before we sat down to eat.

From the grin on their faces, we knew something was definitely up.

"How are you, Rose?" Alice asked suspiciously.

"Great. No, wait. You tell me."

"Rose, I don't get a daily update on the health of all my friends," Alice growled.

"Not even when they are ...PREGNANT?" Emmett yelled.

The boys all high fived one another, because of course it takes a superior intellect to father a child, while Alice just shook her head in wonder.

"See, Bella. No heads up. Even now I'm not getting any clue to what her baby is, even."

"I can tell you that, too, "Emmett laughed, placing his hand on the right side of his wife's barely curved abdomen. "This one here likes frogs and snails and puppy dog's tails. And this one..."

He moved his hand to her left side.

"This one is all sugar and spice."

"Twins? I don't even get a heads up for twins? That's outrageous," Alice growled.

She beckoned for Rose to walk closer and placed her hands on her belly herself.

"Come on you little brats, tell Auntie Alice all your secrets."

"Nothing?" Jasper asked.

Alice shook her head,

"It seems unlike their parents, these two can keep secrets."

"When are you due?" I asked Rosalie.

"In theory, three weeks after you, but who knows? I was hoping Alice could reassure me that they will stay put until at least March."

"Sorry. I will tell you if anything occurs to me," Alice promised. "Where's your belly, by the way? How dare you manage to conceal two babies when I was the size of a whale with just one."

Throughout dinner I kept sneaking looks at Alice but she had put all her concentration into eating and feeding tiny morsels of her dinner to Austin who was perched beside her in a high chair.

"So, where is Scarlett these days?" Rose asked.

Alice cringed.

I froze.

Scarlett's trip was becoming a sore point for Edward. He thought she had spent quite enough time backpacking and he wanted her to come home here for a few months before starting at Oxford.

He had sent several texts to her phone plus the usual emails, and although she had answered, her answers were still brief and vague with little detail. She had promised to 'try' and be home before heading back to London but had given no clues as to when this visit might occur.

"Unlike me, Scarlett managed to escape completely and is living her own life currently in Africa, isn't it, Bella?"

"She is in Australia," I corrected him. He did know this, he was just annoyed.

"So, what names do you have picked, Rose?" Alice asked loudly to end that subject.

"What are you and Edward naming your baby?" Rose checked.

I scratched my head.

"Edward's ruled out the obvious choice."

"There will never be another Edward Anthony Cullen," my husband confirmed. "If it was up to me, the baby would be getting Swan as a surname, just to break the curse. Then he might have a chance of being a decent human being."

I felt tears spring to my eyes and instantly Edward was at my side.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. You know I believe this little boy will be just as wonderful and normal and balanced as you. I don't really think he will inherit many Cullen male genes."

"Normal like Bella?" Emmett mused. "That ought to be interesting.

xxxxx

EPOV

I have never wished so hard that I could take back the words I had rashly spoken. I hadn't thought ahead, the words just sprung from my lips.

I do honestly believe our son will be the start of a whole new breed of Cullens and that he will not be a bully like my father, or a victim like I had been.

He will be like his Mom and be good and strong, and stand up for what he believes in.

I know Bella hates it whenever I express the opinion that I am different in reality to the way she sees me.

When she left me I had expected nothing different, except I had been surprised it had taken her so long. I wanted to be strong and in charge and not let Carlisle call the shots but I had gotten everything wrong. Even now that Bella understands why I did everything I did, I still blame myself for losing her and losing our daughter.

A real man would have found a solution.

If only I had known how to find Bree.

If only someone had told me about my inheritance.

Carlisle might be a reformed character now but I will always resent what he forced us to endure when there was no reason at all.

That's another name I have banned.

This baby will not bear any version of my father's name.

She may name him Charlie if she wants to and I won't argue, but 'Edward' and "Carlisle' have no place in our son's names.

Rose had thrown me one of her scowls at my stupid outburst but it was well deserved.

We had spent the rest of the evening sitting around the fire, discussing why Emmett did not want his son named any of the names Rose favoured.

Jasper suggested she should name the girl and he the boy.

"That way he would get a name that doesn't get him beaten up in the playground," Emmett whispered to me.

Rose's list really didn't contain any names suitable for a son if he followed in his father's footsteps and ended up as large as Emmett.

Robin?

Casey?

"No way is she naming my son Alice," he had growled.

"Emmett, it's Ellis. " Rose had replied. "ELLIS."

"Yeah tell that to the kids at school," he had answered.

"Well, I want a name with a meaning that relates somehow," Rose huffed, and proceeded to tell the girls the meaning of every name on the planet.

I liked that idea. Maybe we could choose a meaning then look up which names were relevant . It did make me realise I had to do more than just veto names for our son. I had to offer some suggestions of my own that I could live with.

That night in bed I apologized to Bella again and promised to think before I spoke in future.

"So, if you got to choose his name and didn't have to run it by me for approval, what would you name him?" I asked Bella as I kept my hand down where his small feet pummeled inside her.

"Edward Junior, of course," she replied.

I smiled sadly.

I wanted so much more for my son than for him to be anything at all like me.

Somewhere in the pile of books Bella kept beside the bed was a name book. I found it and lay there, saying any name I could stand out loud.

"Flynn? Dylan? Bailey?"

"People use all those names for girls, too," Bella replied.

"People use just about any boy's name for girls now," I agreed.

"Not Edward," she pointed out.

I ground my teeth.

"If you want to name him Edward, go ahead. But he will get Eddie, or Young Edward. And you know what that means."

"What?" she asked, confused.

"I'll be Old Edward," I replied.

xxxx

The next day Alice was at the hospital visiting a sick neighbour and I invited her to my office for a cup of coffee before she left.

She handed Austin to me to hold while she poured out two cups, and sat there waiting. Damn woman always knows when I have something on my mind.

We chatted about local gossip and Jasper's music but I knew she was waiting for the real topic.

"So, just say it."

"Alice, can you tell me anything about the half Quileute baby? It bothers me that it's related and coming around the same time as our son yet neither of us has a single pregnant relative. Can you give us any clues?"

Alice immediately went into her stare state and then smiled.

"Sorry. I'm not getting anything about him but there is good news. Bree just arrived in Forks."

"Is Scarlett with her?" I asked worriedly.

"Nope. She's not come bearing bad news, so Scarlett must be okay."

"I don't suppose Bree is pregnant?" I pushed.

Alice shook her head.

"Sorry Edward. Wherever he is, he isn't inside your sister's belly."

"Is Bree coming here to the hospital?" I asked.

"Nope. She's currently knocking on your front door. Oh, Bella just invited her in. She is pleased to see her but like you, she is full of questions about your daughter. Maybe you should go home."

"My shift has ended," I agreed, and carried her son out to her car.

xxxx

Bree was full of news and it was amazing to see her again but all we wanted was news of our daughter.

The group had split into two: those who were done traveling, and those who wanted more.

Bree was tired of foreign food and dusty clothes and showering in cold water in backpacker lodgings,

"Must be my age," she laughed. "The young ones don't care. Scarlett is a different person now. She has changed a lot. You two will be proud. She's not the cosseted spoiled brat you said Goodbye to. SHe's all independent and streetwise. I know she is fine. That girl knows how to look after herself and she has this sixth sense about people. She can tell at a glance who to trust and who to avoid, and never judges on appearances. Anyway, she has four fully grown men in the group with her and the other two girls. They will be fine."

And we had to trust she was right.

xxxx

That night the nightmares started.

I was walking through the forest that lay between Bella's father's house in Forks, and Billy Black's house on the Rez.

I was alone but searching desperately for someone.

Not Bella.

She was fine. I could somehow see her, playing on the shore in the rockpools with a small auburn haired boy. They both had sticks and were poking at some creature in the pool. He was clearly our son. My son. His hair matched mine exactly.

Then she turned, as a small black haired toddler about the same age ran towards them.

Bella dropped her stick and bent to catch this little boy as he got close to her. She lifted him high in the air, then pulled him close and kissed his cheek.

"I love you, Little Man," she cooed.

Then she turned and somehow lifted our son into her arms as well, and as I watched, she danced around on the sand, a child on each hip, a radiant smile on her face.

"But who are his parents?" I called, desperately.

Who?

And suddenly a horrible possibility hit me.

If Bella loved the child so much, he must belong to someone close to her heart. And who was closer to her heart than Scarlett...

I woke up screaming but the dream was gone and all I could remember was a deep sense of dread.


	13. Chapter 13

It Ain't Over

Chapter 13

BPOV

I'd be lying if I said the idea of having my belly cut open didn't worry me. I had been having nightmares about the prospect for weeks, and now my due date loomed large in front of me.

This time next week I'd be sitting up in a hospital bed feeding our as yet unnamed son. Or maybe laying down in that bed, rolling around in agony.

I'd Googled every version of the topic I could think of and it seemed about half the women who had undergone a C section had recovered okay without too much horrible pain afterwards, and the other half had either encountered problems or just had a pretty painful recovery.

A couple of the comments made me laugh.

"At least after a caesarian you can sit on your nether regions right away," one lady had written on a messageboard.

But some women had posted that the operation had put them off ever having another child.

That part wasn't a problem. This baby was our last anyway but the thought of being in so much pain that someone who had planned to have more babies had changed their mind terrified me.

Edward tried to assure me I would have two doctors in attendance and pain relief would flow freely but I knew there were limits to how much and how often regardless of my connections.

Edward took me to the meadow for a picnic and I promised to put next week's drama out of my mind and just enjoy the outing.

Of course he packed every possible provision in case of any eventuality, including being stranded there for a month, I thought in disbelief.

Two blankets, a pile of towels, a complete change of clothing for us each; an umbrella, two thick Winter coats even though the day was unusually warm and sunny.

Possibly there was a kitchen sink hidden away in the pile.

Getting out in the fresh air lifted my mood.

There was a lot of positives to look forward to.

We would have a brand new baby son to enjoy, and Scarlett had promised to be home in time for the delivery.

Charlie and Sue would be back as well. Their wedding date was coming up in a few months and I hoped to have lost any baby weight before that so I could wear my favourite dress that I'd worn to Rose's wedding.

My weight wasn't really a problem. I'd made up for the first five months when I'd actually lost weight, but I was still within acceptable levels.

It had melted away after Scarlett but I was older this time.

Older and hopefully wiser.

Edward was, as usual, feeling rather amorous just because we were in the meadow, but he didn't think making love was a good idea, with the delivery date so close.

I can't believe I was considering begging, but once I pointed out this was probably our last chance for up to two months, he gave in gracefully.

He lay behind me and spooned my body and thus avoided the bump and I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the sensations he evoked.

Afterwards we both fell asleep but I was woken up suddenly by a searing pain in my back.

I grabbed at my belly and watched in disbelief as it became a heaving, undulating mass of bumps and hidden limbs.

The baby had turned!

I put my hand down on my mound and sure enough, his head was facing down, settling to where it should have been.

This changed things.

This meant I could give birth naturally.

The thought excited me probably more than it should have but the fear of the C section had loomed large for so long, the relief that I would experience birth the only way I knew was exciting.

Sure it would be painful but the worst pain would be over once the baby was born, and the residual discomfort would ebb away day by day afterwards until it was gone.

The rays of the sun warmed me and I lifted my top up and exposed my bare belly to the warmth.

"Good baby, now stay right there and keep your head down," I urged my son, rubbing his back gently. His spine was now exposed, pushed up against my skin and his limbs were inwards, towards my back.

Somehow I feel asleep again and once more was woken by my little passenger.

"No," was my first thought. "Do not turn back up again."

Then I realised this was very different to what I'd felt before.

"Oh. Oh no. Shit."

Oh yes.

I shook Edward awake clumsily as I felt the warm gush of liquid pour down between my thighs.

"Edward, wake up. I'm having a baby."

Edward opened his eyes and smirked.

"I do know that, Bella. I am a doctor after all. Next Monday..."

"No, not next Monday. Now," I yelped.

The smile disappeared off his face and he grabbed for his phone and loudly barked for an ambulance to meet us at the bottom of the hill.

Then he jumped up and stood in front of me, offering his hand to help me stand.

I grabbed it, and howled as I felt some movement below.

"What? A contraction?" Edward asked.

"I think we are doing the short version. No contractions, just the pushing part," I gasped.

"Okay, get on all fours and I'll examine you."

He helped me into position and I heard his sudden sharp intake of breath as he lifted my skirt. No underwear, seeing I had not bothered putting them back on.

"Oh God, I want to push," I yelled, bearing down as I spoke.

"Don't push, Bella. The ambulance will be here...oh God. Pant."

"Don't tell me not to push!" I bellowed as the urge took away all my control, and my body attempted to evict the little tennant right then.

"Okay, listen to me, Love. His head is out and we are going to have to do this ourselves."

He paused.

"Okay, it seems he turned at some point but that's good. Lucky. I wouldn't want to deliver a breech out here."

"He turned just before," I panted then I felt the baby's shoulders rotate and finally he slid out.

Edward caught him and reached for the towels that I had thought ridiculous to bring.

I slumped to the ground and rolled over, and watched as my husband roughly dried off the little pale body and our son opened his eyes and stared at his father.

"Shouldn't he cry?" I asked in panic.

"He's fine, Bella," Edward said excitedly, wrapping him in a fresh towel and then the spare blanket.

He handed the baby to me and checked the delivery of the placenta, guiding it free from my body.

"Shouldn't you cut the cord?" I asked.

"No. It's okay to wait. I'd rather have it done with sterile scissors."

He held the purple mass above the baby and I knew he was letting the blood from it drain into our son via the still attached cord.

Just then the welcome sound of two men puffing their way hurriedly up the hill reached our ears and Edward quickly explained the situation.

I got to cut the cord myself which was only fair seeing Edward had cut Scarlett's cord, and I watched anxiously as the paramedic checked our baby;s breathing.

"He didn't cry," I said.

"He's got nothing to cry about, being born out here in the sunshine with his Daddy a doctor and all," the man replied.

They carried me down on a stretcher and Edward walked beside, carrying the little bundle in his arms,a grin a mile wide across his face.

"You did it, Bella," he said proudly as he handed me the baby once I was inside the ambulance.

"No, I think you did it," I corrected, looking at the little red face in the blanket.

"Okay, we both did it," he replied.

His phone buzzed and he glanced at the caller id then answered, to my surprise.

"So, Alice, anything to warn me about?" he growled. "Yes, it went well. They are both fine though we would have preferred a nice hospital Delivery Room birth. Oh. I see. Okay, you are forgiven."

He snapped the phone shut.

"Alice said she got an action replay. No warning beforehand."

I was kind of glad.

The meadow was where we made love for the first time; where we married, and now where our precious son was born.

The circle of life had been completed.

xxxx

EPOV

It wasn't until it was all over that I was hit with a massive bout of anxiety.

Carlisle checked them both over twice before I believed him that they were both fine.

Bella had related how she had seen the baby turn just two hours before the birth and hadn't realised that would have been the time to wake me up and tell me.

Most breeches that turn late only do so because labour has begun, so we did have some warning, even though we didn't know it.

For some reason, some labours are not accompanied by pain although the uterus is contracting strongly. Nobody knows why.

Only as the baby descends to the outside does the mother know belatedly what is happening.

Had she been in hospital with a monitor belt on, it would have recorded every contraction.

I felt quite dizzy with relief that it had gone so well. We were really lucky. The thought a pair of feet or a bottom could have presented first would have been a much scarier scenario. At least our son had the good sense to come out as Nature intended.

"So, what;s his name?" Carlisle asked as he handed our son back to Bella.

"We are stealing Rose's boy's name," my wife confessed.

"Not Emmett? Tell me it's not Emmett," I pleaded. I didn't mind that my son would be named for my best friend but really, could the world cope with two Emmett's?

"Harley. It means 'born of the meadow'," Bella replied. "I think our baby has to have that name now. I will apologise to Rose. It is just one of her top six."

I couldn't argue. Harley did seem like an ideal name, with meaning that would forever remind us of his birth, and as Emmett was Godfather, in a way the baby was named for him. Rose often preferred to call Emmett by his nickname, though mainly in private.

Once I had helped Bella shower, and then bathed and dressed our seven pound newborn, I went outside to make all the necessary phone calls.

As always, Scarlett's phone went unanswered but I hoped that was because she was midflight somewhere above us.

Bella shooed me away to go home and shower and change and I reluctantly agreed.

"I'll be back soon," I promised, barely able to tear myself away.

xxxxx

There were cars I recognised in the car park when I returned.

Emmett's jeep, Jasper's new family car, Charlie's blue truck, Esme's sporty birthday gift from Dad.

Naturally Renee would not be here yet, but she would come.

Bree was helping Billy Black from his truck, and she threw me a wave. She had taken it upon herself to act as his carer and companion once she found out Jake had gone God knows where and not come back.

"Congratulations, Bro. I can't wait to meet my nephew. Bella tells me he is gorgeous although she says he looks just like you so how can that be true? Good name by the way. Harley Edward Cullen."

I was a little surprised at the middle name but as it was Bella's choice, I would live with it.

I hurried inside to catch a quiet word with my wife, and opened the door to her room.

Bella was standing with her back to me, gazing out the window, and as she heard the door open, she turned.

In each arm she held small bundles wrapped in blue blankets.

I could see by the untidy auburn hair that Harley was the baby on the right, and by the mass of straight black hair, I guessed the other baby was the half Quileute Alice and I had been expecting.

**Epilogue to follow.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Cheers for reading, this was not so much a story as a practice for my class at University, we had to write something featuring 'misdirection'. I wrote this epilogue before the story so it was always going to end this way.**

It Ain't Over

Epilogue

EPOV

"Bella?" I said, as I walked towards her. "Who is this?"

I took Harley from her and a voice behind me made me aware for the first time that there were others in the room.

Jacob Black stood and strode to my wife's side.

"This is the newest member of our tribe. Meet Seth," Jacob replied, taking the other baby from my wife and holding him in his arms. "He will be officially welcomed as soon as he and his mother are released. You are welcome to attend: all his blood relatives and their families are invited."

Bella beamed and finally took her eyes from the face of the little honey skinned infant.

"Edward, I have a brother."

I shook my head.

Renee was past childbearing age surely, so this could only mean...

Charlie stood and took the baby from Jacob.

"It's the damndest thing," he said, looking both proud and amazed. "Sue had no idea...no symptoms. I actually rushed her in here fearing she was...was..."

He shook his head.

I had never seen Charlie get emotional about anything but clearly he had feared the worst and mistook the pain of labour for something more deadly.

"Congratulations," I said. He would never know just how relieved I was. Charlie had always seemed to me to be the type of man who would have a lot more in common with a son, although he had obviously loved Bella from the moment she was born.

He looked a little dazed.

"I always wanted a brother," Bella assured him, putting her arm around him and smiling at me. "Of course, I kind of wish he had been born before me, or at least when I was still a kid. That would have been cool. Anyway, now Harley has a nephew to play with as they grow up together. I guess this is what happens when one's parents marry partners half their age."

I could only think this was the best possible ending and one I had never imagined.

"It will be great, Charlie. Finally you have a child who can join you on your fishing trips, and you will get to watch him play baseball. I am so pleased for you, and for myself."

Charlie nodded and misunderstood my enthusiasm.

"Sure, Edward. Daughters are amazing and I don't have to tell you that, but I know what you mean. A boy is a whole different kettle of fish.

Congratulations yourself."

The door opened and I glanced up as the daughter I loved and feared for and missed so much skipped into the room a few steps ahead of a bashful Alice.

"Scarlett," I said with the most profound relief I have ever felt, as she ran towards me.

I wrapped my arms around her and thanked God, all the Gods, Fate, Karma, Mother Nature, every one, for sparing us from the scenario I feared.

Even though Bella had been confident that our girl would not be ready for motherhood for years yet, I had never trusted Jacob Black and I honestly thought he may have found her, wooed her and impregnated her as a way to hit back at Bella.

Thankfully I had never spoken of this fear out loud as I would have looked rather silly and paranoid right now if I had.

I laughed, and almost cried, as I hugged Scarlett against my chest one handed, holding her baby brother to the side so we didn't squash him.

Alice immediately took him from me and shrugged.

"What can I say? I never saw this coming," she said ruefully.

It didn't matter.

"Isn't it amazing? I have an uncle, right? Seth is my uncle? Yeah?" Scarlett asked excitedly.

"Right. Your uncle," I agreed.

The best uncle in the world.

I was so happy I looked up at Charlie and grinned.

"I absolutely insist on giving your son a college fund, no arguments," I stated.

Charlie looked like he hadn't yet thought about formula and diapers, so college had never entered his mind.

"I owe one of your children at least the chance to attend college and have the educational opportunity I stole from your daughter."

I'd buy this kid anything he ever wanted, just because he was the answer to many a prayer.

xxxx

BPOV

Sitting on the familiar fallen log on First Beach, I gazed at the embers of the bonfire.

Who saw this night coming?

Not me, that's for sure.

Not Charlie either, but he looked as proud as punch as the Quileute tribe, all in full tribal costume, gathered around and Jake took Seth from Billy's lap, and held him up so everyone could see the tiny infant bundled in the brightly patterned blanket that had wrapped many a new tribe member in the past.

Maybe even Sue.

I had no idea if baby girls were given the same welcome as boys but I hoped so.

Edward was sitting beside me, our own son snuggled inside his father's coat, just his little pale face exposed at the top of the buttons.

On his head was the little knitted beanie I had made to match Edward's battered old headgear. Of course I had made him a new one as well, but he'd thanked me for my efforts and put it away 'for later', preferring the one I'd made when I was fourteen years old.

Harley stirred and fought against the confined space, and Edward automatically put his pinkie in the baby's mouth to soothe him.

It was so much better this time.

This was the babyhood I wish we could have offered Scarlett when she was born.

Two parents home, on call, 24/7, always there ready to provide whatever the infant needed.

Edward has taken an entire year's Paternity Leave and Carlisle even suggested he extend it for a second year if he wants to.

He and Esme were falling over their feet to do anything and everything for their son, and grandson.

I hope Edward forgives them, because holding on to hate and old wounds doesn't help anybody, especially him. I want him to accept his parents are just people; just as flawed and selfish and repentant as everyone else in the world.

None of us are perfect.

I had walked from a marriage, the only marriage I ever wanted and divorced my soul mate, so I could hardly judge them.

Scarlett walked over to join us, her latest beau at her side, sticking like glue. Joined at the hip, as they had been ever since their arrival here. I was glad she had a whole house of her own, next door to ours. There were some things a parent did not need to hear.

She still had the odd drop of baby blue paint in her hair from the makeover of my childhood bedroom in Charlie's house into a nursery for my new brother.

I glanced at my husband, just to confirm he was okay with their public displays of affection.

He merely narrowed his eyes and smiled at them both.

"Ah, so pretty," he whispered.

I was confused as to whether he was referring to our girl or her boyfriend. Benjamin was definitely an attractive young man. In a way he reminded me of Edward at that age.

And Scarlett reminded me of myself, which worried me a little. She gazed at his face as if he were the only man in the world, and we all know where feelings that intense can lead.

As if reading my thoughts, Benjamin put a hand on my shoulder gently as he sat down beside me.

"Don't worry. Scarlett is my life now and I will never do anything reckless. I am in this for the long haul, Mrs Cullen. Her future is my future and I want her to experience everything other girls her age do, before we settle down and even consider anything too adult. I will keep her safe, I promise."

"Bella," I muttered automatically.

It felt weird, being considered old enough to be called 'Mrs Cullen' but then, it was the title I had craved to have back.

"I do trust you to do that, Ben," I assured him.

It was a little strange, how relaxed and accepting Edward was of this relationship.

I had expected him to haul our daughter aside and lecture her on the birds and the bees, and emphasize that motherhood may be wonderful but only when the woman in question is mature and ready and preferably thirty five years old, but he seemed to think he had already been granted all his dearest wishes and he was willing to let the cards fall where they may when it came to Scarlett.

I was surprised, but happy. Maybe just having the most smothering parents in the universe had made him react in such an opposite way? Who knew the workings of this beautiful man's mind?

I knew he finally had everything he ever wanted and money did come into that. It allowed us the luxury of free choice and let him be home with me to watch our son, our second chance child, grow and I expected to hear "dadda" as Harley's first word some day, seeing as how Edward so rarely put the baby down or let any of us have a turn.

I decided right there and then to breastfeed for as long as possible, if only to ensure I would get equal cuddle times.

I admit I do like it; having my partner be the one to get up at night at the first squeak our son makes, and have him passed to me all sweet smelling and freshly diapered before each feed.

Not to mention how he is then taken back afterwards, and winded by his father, and settled back to sleep after I have returned to slumber myself.

Yep, life is good.

I hope Benjamin proves to be much the same type of man as Edward.

I hope Scarlett is as lucky as I am.

Few women experience the joy of being with their One, and I shudder whenever I remember our seven horrible years apart, but they are over now.

Never forgotten, always regretted but life is too short to dwell on our mistakes.

Better to just celebrate our good fortune that sometimes life does give second chances.

THE End.


End file.
